Surrender
by delena4eternity
Summary: Damon wants Elena for himself, but she is unwilling to give in. Can Damon make her change her mind about which brother she loves?
1. Chapter 1

Surrender

I sat in Stefan's room, smelling his sheets, breathing in the overwhelming scent of him, sighing contentedly as I lounged back on his pillows. I missed him so much, his loving smile, gentle touch, and reassuring words, the thought of his soft kisses filling me with desire and longing.

He had gone on a trip out of town, following a rogue vampire lead after hearing about a string of murders in a city near Mystic Falls. He had told me to stay behind at the Salvatore Boardinghouse for safety. This didn't bother me, what with the Boardinghouse being like a mansion, and Stefan granting me permission to stay in his room, but Stefan's absence had only lasted several days and already I was feeling desperately lonely. My only company in the house was Damon, his beautiful yet dangerous older brother.

Damon and I had blossomed as friends, but that didn't mean I trusted him, especially with Stefan missing. Recently I had found us getting perhaps a little _too_ close, when my mind would start to wander… but I didn't feel that way about Damon! I loved Stefan and would always love Stefan.

I couldn't ignore that Damon awakened something inside of me, something heated and foreign, but oftentimes that something was anger or irritation. The urge to slap that arrogant smirk off his inhumanly gorgeous face was almost always present, ready to spring to the surface at any given moment.

Damon had been acting excessively strange these past few days anyway. He was either missing completely, probably feeding on some poor girls somewhere, or sitting in his room drinking a glass of bourbon. We hadn't actually exchanged many words at all since I had been living here, and I would often catch him staring at me, or maybe glaring at me, and even being caught did not deter him as his eyes continued to bore directly into mine. It was actually quite frightening, although, being a human girl, it was also pretty sexy.

Considering he had recently admitted to coveting me, maintaining that I would be _his_ soon, I could see why Damon might be feeling a little weird around me. He isn't the type of person that deals well with rejection, used to getting exactly what he wants whenever he wants it.

Truth be told, I didn't know how I felt about Damon. He scared me yet drew me in, was dark and dangerous while still having moments of caring and sweetness. His eyes captivated me and when I was around him I felt carefree and… happy, an emotion that was lacking lately. He brought out the best and worst in me, but then he would do something reckless and stupid to remind me why I kept my distance. And my love for Stefan was without doubt.

As if on cue, Damon appeared, lounging in Stefan's doorframe, the picture of ease and arrogance. I was actually surprised that he graced me with his presence, considering his odd behavior recently.

"Hey, Damon," I said cautiously, a little worried by the look on his face.

He gave me a curt nod before proceeding to pace around the room, looking somewhat frazzled. Or perhaps the better word is murderous. He looked murderous. He stalked around the room like an animal, intermittently emitting small, barely audible growls. I had no idea where this was coming from, but he had succeeded in scaring me out of my wits.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, hoping whatever was wrong with him would quickly be straightened out.

He let out a maniacal chuckle, continuing to pace and raking his hands through his mussed black hair. "No, Elena, everything's not okay. I said you would be mine soon, but I want you now," he murmured, drawing closer to me and stroking my cheek with his fingertips, sending butterflies into my stomach.

"I realize we got off on the wrong foot, but I've been doing some serious thinking and I've come to the conclusion that you and Stefan aren't right for each other. I see the way you look at me. Past prejudices aside, I know you want me," he said very quietly yet forcefully. This was a statement for him, not a question. He seriously believed this and regarded it as fact.

"Now, I want you to surrender to that buried lust. I know you and Stefan haven't been very intimate lately, and you're aching for it. Surrender, Elena. Surrender to me." He held me in his gaze, his ice blue eyes seeming to burn into my soul while the butterflies briefly made an encore performance.

Then I did the unthinkable. He was obviously in a poor state of mind, but I couldn't help but snicker. This snicker turned into a full on laugh as I stared at his serious face, now taken aback by my reaction. What he had said was so insane that it was comical. Did he really believe he could just barge in here, demand to have me, and I would say yes right off the bat? He was crazy!

As I continued to laugh, his face turned from shock, to pain, to raging fury. That's how Damon reacted to pain: anger and revenge.

He stood up, visibly shaking, his eyes seeming to darken, his hands quivering at his sides. His mouth formed that irresistible cocky grin that I so loved to hate as the veins near his eyes pushed to the surface and his canines lengthened.

"You really shouldn't have done that, Elena."


	2. Chapter 2: Hide and Seek

Hide and Seek

My laughter died in my throat, instantly replaced by a feeling of dread. To my relief, Damon's face melted back to normal, but his lips still formed a sinister smile. His blue eyes remained dark and fierce, glaring down at me as he stalked around the bed. His hands were tensed at his sides, clenching and unclenching as he struggled to calm himself.

I didn't say anything, waiting for Damon to make the next move, afraid of what he might do. The muscles in his arms were rippling through his black shirt, merely reminding me I didn't stand a chance if he decided to hurt me.

I couldn't help myself as a small whimper escaped my lips, a squeak of fear as he advanced on me.

"I'm going to give you ten seconds, Elena, and then I'm coming for you," Damon warned. Apparently making a noise was the wrong move, because it seemed that he was now over the edge, his canines starting to lengthen again, the veins faintly showing beneath his eyes.

I remained on the bed, just staring at him, unable to process his words, frozen in fright.

"One.." He began, spurring me into action.

I leapt off the bed and sprinted to the door, fumbling with the knob before bursting forth into the hallway. It was then that the enormity of the house really dawned on me as I realized I knew not one good hiding place. Running was out of the question, given my clumsiness and Damon's speed. No, I had to hide and hope that somehow he wouldn't find me and assume I had left the house, giving me ample opportunity to make my escape.

It seemed I tried at least twenty doors, all locked or opening to large empty rooms that contained no good hiding places. I was now thoroughly lost in this labyrinth, and could no longer hear Damon's rhythmic counting.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I muttered, panic finally starting to set in. Damon knew this house better than anyone, so I needed to get somewhere _fast_.

The next door I tried magically sprung open and I rushed inside, closing it silently behind me in the vain hope that Damon wouldn't hear, searching for any halfway suitable nook or cranny to dive into. By some divine miracle there was a large chest on the floor at the foot of a bed, and upon opening it I discovered it to be empty. I immediately crammed myself awkwardly inside and shut the lid, my limbs contorted in order to fit.

"Ready or not, here I come," I heard Damon call in a sing-song voice, startlingly close, his boots clomping somewhere down the hall.

I suppressed another whimper, instead opening my mouth in a silent scream, tears beginning to trickle down my face.

I had never thought Damon capable of hurting me, not until now. Just the thought of his vampiric face, menacing and full of fury, caused me to shudder.

"God, please help me," I begged silently.

"Elena, you can't hide from me," Damon snarled, farther away this time. "You can't run either, so you may as well just come out now and make it easier for yourself."

I listened as his footsteps continued on their path away from me and my safety chest, his breaths becoming huffier as he began to slam doors and bang things around. He was becoming increasingly agitated, which didn't bode well for me if he found my hiding place.

Then, hallelujah, I distinctly heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, Damon taking his frantic search outside. I breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing in my little box.

I waited a few more minutes before slowly easing open the lid above me, making sure to be silent. Inside I was rejoicing, having outsmarted Damon, finally able to get the hell out of here!

The lid gradually opened, my view of freedom blocked by a smiling face, his head cocked to the side, his eyes staring straight into my own. His face was mere inches from mine, his cool breath touching my face. I shrieked as he took hold of my arm with an iron grip and yanked me out of my safe haven.

I continued my frantic yelping until he slapped his hand over my mouth.

"Shut the fuck up!" he said in an annoyed tone tinged with anger.

He slowly released my mouth, but my screams persisted, shattering my own eardrums, drowning out all other sounds so that it seemed we were actually in complete silence.

"You would do best to listen to me," he cautioned, slightly tightening his grip on my arm.

I couldn't help it, however, my mouth gaping open, disembodied screeches permeating the air.

"Ugh," Damon sighed. "I had hoped to save this for later, but don't say I didn't warn you," he taunted, with a tiny grin of anticipation on his face, his canines long and prepared. I saw him lunge at me, his silky lips caressing my exposed neck, suckling slightly at the delicate skin there.

That's when I felt two tiny pinpricks, pain radiating through my body, and then: blackness.


	3. Chapter 3: Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Delirium. I was swirling in a dreamscape filled with love and passion, ecstasy. I was swooning, fluttering in and out of reality. Where was I? Something about Damon…fear…pain? I wasn't sure, all I knew was the delicious tugging at my neck, pulling me into a swoon, making me forget any horrors that could have possibly been plaguing me. There was something about Damon… but I was numb, numb to my surroundings and numb to my feelings. There was only sensuous pleasure now and nothing else in the world mattered.

But suddenly I felt it begin to slow, to stop altogether. No! I was gradually being pulled out of serenity, out of this surreal experience. As my cloudy vision began to clear and I saw a hazy figure looming before me, everything came flooding back…Damon...hiding…blood…fang teeth piercing my skin. I put my fingers up to my subtly aching neck and drew back a bloody hand. The warm liquid oozed down my neck and onto the collar of my shirt.

I slowly peered up at Damon's face. It appeared as if he was still in a swoon, his eyes rolling to the back of his head in a gesture of pure ecstasy. He licked at his lips, blood dripping down his chin, _my _blood. He smiled, revealing teeth stained red, his tongue running along his gums.

I scuttled away quickly, backing into a corner, cowering from this animal before me, this thing with blood dripping from its fangs and its hands shaped into claws. At my slight movement, Damon seemed to remember my presence, turning to face my shivering form, my hand clasped to my neck as if protecting myself, shielding myself from this monster.

He began to walk towards me once again but I scrambled on my hands and knees around his legs, heading for the open doorway, anywhere away from him. I barely made it halfway before he clasped his hand around my ankle, dragging me back as I squealed, tears streaming down my face, mixing with the blood and creating pink droplets that splattered on the floor, staining the white carpet in the center of the room.

Damon grasped my chin in his firm hands, holding my face still until I stopped struggling altogether, just staring up at him in utter helplessness. He gazed at me for what seemed like hours but was probably just several seconds and then leaned in to lick the tears from my face, his tongue gliding across my slick cheek.

I shuddered in disgust at feeling the blood remnants in his mouth smearing across my face as he hungrily moved to the tears at my neck, the blood tears. He lapped at those until he finally moved to the actual bite, licking at any remaining blood and ultimately sealing the wound with his healing saliva.

"Oh, Elena," he crooned, stroking my face, neck, and arms, his cool fingers feeling nice against my heated body. "And still you resist me," he sighed, his lips barely brushing the top of my head, his chin nestling in my hair, surely caked with blood by now.

I half-heartedly attempted to squirm from his grip, but it was no use. I knew there was no escaping at this point. I let my head hang in defeat, silent tears still dripping from my chin as Damon caressed me, catching the tears in his mouth one by one.

His hands then moved to my breasts, lightly touching them along with the other parts of my body, stroking them through the fabric of my shirt. I cringed, this violation one step too far.

I took advantage of his apparent fascination and burst forth from his arms as he gasped in shock, running to the other side of the room, grabbing a box of matches I had noticed on the bedside table. I struck one as quickly as possible and lit a rolled up newspaper that was also there, creating a flaming torch of sorts.

I thrust it out before me as a makeshift weapon, daring him to come closer. His face changed from one of tender love to raging fury in a matter of seconds. He growled as he saw the fire, unsure of how to proceed. He took a threatening step forward as I held the weapon out further, warning him not to make another move.

"Stay the fuck away from me," I said, my voice quivering slightly from the still falling tears.

"Feisty!" Damon whistled. "You always do know how to make it fun, Elena." He grinned, his eyes lighting with the challenge.

In one second he had me pinned against the wall, pried the torch from my fingers and snuffed it out with one stomp of his foot.

"Were you really going to kill me?" He asked jokingly, still holding me roughly against the wall.

I couldn't say anything, too full of fear to even make a noise. But honestly, I didn't know the answer. Even after everything he had done, the thought of Damon burning, dead, filled me with horror and sadness.

"Answer me," he snarled. "When I ask a question, you answer," he instructed.

"I…I d-don't know," I stuttered uselessly, truthfully.

He hung his head for a few moments, as if trying to calm himself, taking several deep breaths. His shoulders heaved each time, his arms still caging me in.

Abruptly, with no warning, he ripped the shirt from my body, tearing it at the seams. I cried out in shock as he threw me on the bed, lithely landing on top of me. He looked like a dark prince, his hair black and rumpled, his light eyes burning out from underneath his handsome, dark features. I could feel the power emanating from him as he took in my naked torso, nothing but a skimpy, black lace bra covering me. In spite of myself, I reached out to touch his face, which looked so boyish and innocent for some reason at that exact moment, hovering over me.

His lips looked so soft and tender, hanging slightly open, that I almost reached out to run my finger across them, feel their silken texture against my shaking fingertips, but when I finally realized what he was doing, I reached out and gave him a smart slap instead, snapping his head to the side.

He turned back to me with a blank expression, no pain or cruelty, just indifference. He ran his fingers down the length of my body, long and slender they grazed my naked skin, causing me to squirm in pleasure, even as I cursed him mentally, simultaneously pleading to God for some sort of aid.

He moved them to the front of my body now, tracing small, intricate patterns over my smooth stomach and milky breasts. He hooked his fingers around the straps of my bra, tugging them over my shoulders and sliding his hands around to my back, unhooking the garment with ease and grace, slipping it out from underneath me and tossing it on the floor carelessly.

I was now completely exposed and made to cover myself with my hands, trying to keep Damon's probing fingers at bay. But it was no use as he quickly swept my arms away with one fluid movement and buried his head in my breasts, suckling and kissing them greedily, his fingers massaging my hips and waist with helpless abandon.

My back arched with the pleasure of it, my body yielding to him completely while my mind remained stubborn and infuriated.

"Get the hell off of me!" I berated him, my mouth in a grimace, reflecting the battle between mind and matter. I tried to regain my composure but could not as he nipped at my belly, licking my nipples so that they elongated and flushed pink.

He chuckled as I groaned, my hips raising off the bed to meet his awaiting hands.

"Fuck you," I moaned, a familiar heat forming between my legs, a tingling sensation that I both craved and detested right now.

"You want to?" He smirked, taking no time to peel his own shirt over his head, exposing his exquisitely lean and chiseled body, his muscular chest and powerful arms. His flat stomach pressed lightly onto my own, his bulging sex hard against my thigh. I tried to subdue it but let out a little whimper as my own sex began to pulse, a moisture forming in that secret place.

He bit into me quickly, right at the base of my breast, releasing it within a matter of seconds. I cried out in pain. Blood smeared around his mouth, a drop or two splattering onto my naked chest and trickling down to my burning vagina, causing it to burn all the more.

"I told you to answer when I asked you a question," Damon scolded, licking his lips, "though I can't complain that I got another occasion to sample your delights."

His red lips turned into a cocky smirk. He smacked me across the face.

"Answer!" He growled fiercely.

"I-I…mmmmm," I moaned, his hand plunging between my legs, massaging my swollen clit through my jeans.

"Well, I'll take that as a yes," Damon purred, sniffing the air. "Your arousal is quite obvious, and I really can't wait much longer."

He quickly unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off, parting my legs with his hand, tearing my underwear off savagely. He smiled with pure delight as he took in my bloody sex.

"So beautiful…" he murmured, sticking his head of messy black hair between my thighs, not hesitating to lick the trail of blood all the way from my moist slit to my pink breast.

"Oh, Damon," I cried, clutching his hair, arching my back to meet his sweet lips.

He moaned quietly, returning his tongue to my nub, swirling it around with the very tip, showering it with kisses. Keeping up the swirling with his tongue, he thrust two fingers into me, moving in and out with a painfully slow motion.

"Elena, Elena," he crooned, "you taste so good in both ways."

Damon removed his fingers swiftly and raised his body directly over mine, his lips crashing down on my own, his tongue twining with mine.

"See how good you taste," he groaned in my mouth, his tongue tasting salty and slightly sweet. His hardness pushed against my thigh and I moaned, silently pleading for him to enter. I was throbbing, aching, needing.

"Beg," he commanded. "Beg for it."

"Please, Damon, oh, please do it," I cried. "I surrender. Take me. I'm yours."

He smiled and unbuttoned his pants tantalizingly slow, letting his cock spring forth, large and swollen with raw desire. He entered me with one swift motion, filling me completely as I cried out in shock at the abrupt entry.

His thrusts were hard and violent, filled with passion. He gripped my hips, raising them to meet his with each push, his lips continuing to move up and down my body, nipping at my neck, dancing with my tongue, or caressing my nipples.

"Damon, I'm so close, please," I pleaded, my body contorting with pleasure at each of his movements.

He adjusted his angle slightly, hitting my sweet spot perfectly each time.

"Holy shit!" I cried, teetering on the brink of life and death, or so it seemed.

"You'll come when I tell you to," he said in a deep, throaty growl, his teeth gritted together with mounting desire.

"Damon…" I whined, squirming with the torture of resisting, trying to delay the moment. With one final thrust he hit that special spot dead on.

"Now!" He commanded as I shattered into a million pieces along with him, his juices filling me. I was shuddering violently, each wave of ecstasy causing me to writhe on the bed beneath him.

I craned my neck for him, showing him the large artery hidden there and I saw his face turn dark and scary in my peripheral vision.

"Please…" I begged. He didn't need any invitation as he swooped down and bit in, drawing my blood out in quick droughts, his body still rocking with pleasure. That same delirium and happiness washed over me as before, my body moving with his as we became one. He pulled out before seriously hurting me, pressing his lips to mine, allowing me to taste my own blood as it passed from his tongue to mine. It tasted salty and metallic, not appetizing at all, but I licked it off anyway, hoping to please him. He seemed to sense my disgust and instead bit down on his own tongue, sending torrents of _his_ blood flooding into my mouth. I sucked hungrily on this, eagerly swallowing as it dripped down my throat. Now this, this blood was delicious, hot and sweet like liquid ecstasy.

All too soon the wound was healed and the flow of blood stopped. Damon pulled his mouth away from mine and smiled sweetly at me.

"My little kitten," he praised, tucking my blood-caked hair behind my ear as I nestled my head into his strong chest.

I pretended to be exhausted, closing my eyes and curling into a ball.

"That's it. Go to sleep." Damon said, patting my head.

It seemed as if I waited for hours. But finally I peeked up to see Damon sound asleep, breathing slowly and deeply. I carefully lifted his arm off of my shoulder and slipped out of bed silently. I made it to the door and turned around one last time to see his face, peaceful and innocent in sleep, without the menace and anger of earlier, no blood causing it to seem monstrous. It was actually quite beautiful.

"Goodbye, my dark prince," I whispered, dropping my lit match on the floor, running away as I watched the room go up in flames.


	4. Chapter 4: Going Under

Going Under

_(Thank you all for the kind comments! This is my first fanfic so feedback is welcome!)_

"**But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in." –Junot Diaz, **_**The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao**_

"It's okay," he said soothingly, rubbing circles on my back with the warm water, bubbles coating his hands and tickling my shoulders. I was in a bathtub with mountains of white frothy suds surrounding me on all sides, caging me in. The water felt so good on my chilled skin, so soft and relaxing.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking! Please forgive me, please," I begged, my eyes rimmed with tears, red and bloodshot from constant crying. My sobs were definitely subsiding, though, as he massaged shampoo into my scalp, kneading my full head of hair with deft and gentle fingers. I needed this forgiveness after the hell of the past few days.

"Shhh…you're forgiven, just calm down and relax. I know all this has been quite the ordeal for you. Everything's okay now." He was so reassuring in his words, so loving and tender. He squeezed a generous amount of conditioner on his hands, smoothing it into my hair as well, running his fingers through the tangled strands.

I was a mess, what with my tear-stained face, swollen eyes and puffy cheeks, and nest of hair sticking out in all imaginable angles. Thinking about how I must look sitting next to this beautiful specimen of a man was enough to send a fresh torrent of tears my way.

"Dip your head underwater and wash out this conditioner," Stefan said behind me, guiding my head to the surface of the water. I dunked my head, using my hands to clear away any traces of conditioner remaining. He slowly pulled my head up to meet the air again, holding my soaking hair behind me so as to stop water from trickling into my eyes.

Stefan was so kind and considerate when compared to Damon. Oh god, Damon. Just thinking about him filled me with horror and sadness. He was dead. At my hands. And the true torment was that I missed him. I wanted to erase the past and forget everything, start over anew. I could still smell the smoke from the burnt room.

"I'm going to wash you now," Stefan warned patiently, rubbing a soapy rag across my back and neck, letting the warm water slide sensuously down my tense muscles. He dabbed at my face, the tears becoming uncontrollable again, teetering precariously on the edge of my eye before plummeting down my cheeks into the white bubbles below. What had I done? What had I accomplished? Maybe he didn't deserve this harsh of a punishment. It was too late now, but my emotions had been on overdrive then, thinking of any possible escape.

Now that I was thinking at least slightly more clearly, it all seemed some sort of nightmare, a bad dream I would wake up from any second.

"Just concentrate on the water, the bubbles," I found myself muttering under my breath, afraid if I let myself realize I would never see Damon again I might explode, either in a sick kind of joy (he got his just punishment, right? No more fear or hatred!) or a shattering sadness (no more snarky commentary, no more messy black hair, no more icy blue eyes! Another friend dead.).

I only thought of material things, tangible things, things around me and outside of me. The bar of soap, the marble floor, the hands rubbing scented lotion deep into the pores of my spine. The hands reached around front of me and scrubbed the tender skin of my stomach, moving up to my breasts, scrubbing those too, massaging them in wide circles being careful not to hurt me.

"Oh, Stefan," I sighed, half out of pleasure, half out of melancholy desperation.

"Try again," the voice replied with a trace of humor. The fingers didn't linger too long on my breasts, moving up to my neck on to my face again, tracing my lips and brushing my eyelashes, squeezing my cheeks.

I whipped around, facing the figure behind me.

"Damon?" I cried hesitantly, barely thinking as I gathered him in a tight embrace, holding him close. Becoming fully aware of my nakedness, I quickly released him and looked down shyly. But then confusion set in.

"How…?" I began, but Damon pressed his finger to my lips, shaking his head slightly.

"We'll have time for explanations later," he said, crushing his lips to mine urgently. I returned his passionate kisses lustily, so happy to see him, craving him.

My mind was rejecting all of this, wondering why I was kissing the man I had just days ago attempted to kill. I hated his guts. That was a given. But here I was, running my hands along his naked body, he gripping my face ever so gently, his lips tender and soft. He moved the soft caresses to my cheek, barely touching his lips to my skin at all.

He was a completely different man today than he had been three days ago, full of light touches and love. Of course I was still completely baffled. I could have sworn Stefan had just been talking to me, bathing me, comforting me. And Damon had been dead, right? And how did I get here in the first place? I attempted to retrace my steps, think of any events leading up to this bathroom, but my mind was utterly blank.

Damon's probing fingers pulled me out of my deep thought, stroking the inside of my thighs, sending a quiet thrill through my body. My mind was so hazy right now, and this physical distraction didn't help. He moved from my thighs to the lips of my secret opening, touching me ever so lightly, though probably enough to feel the heat gathering there.

He continued this while kissing my mouth, keeping them distant and polite, ever the gentleman. Wait, Damon the gentleman? Was I missing something here? But his lips pulled me away from rational thought once again, and I responded slightly more aggressively, pressing my mouth hard against his and pushing our soapy bodies closer together.

My hands seemed to gather a mind of their own, slipping and sliding all over his wet skin, circling his nipples, grasping his face, and massaging his back. I don't think there was any part of his countenance that escaped my prying fingertips. I wanted to feel him, every part of him, to know he was real.

As his hands in between my legs picked up the pace and became more urgent I felt my intense arousal peaking…

_Bam!_

I was awake, shuddering, feeling the aftereffects of my climax, panties wet and sheets soaked with sweat. Even though my groin was hot and pounding, the rest of me was freezing, aching for the warm water to be around me again.

This was the third wet dream in the three nights since what I called "The Damon Incident." They were all different, some being filled with fear and hatred, others with love and regret, such as this one. Of course I was confused and ashamed by them, and I knew what I felt in the dreams wasn't real. The last thing I wanted was some miraculous escape for Damon. If he really was still alive, I knew his punishment for me would be too great to contemplate right now.

The fire department had been called to tend to the fire and only two other rooms were even damaged, though the one shared by Damon and I was burnt to a crisp. No body was found, of course, for if he had truly been killed by fire his only remains would be ashes, but I spent my days in paranoia, terrified of turning a corner and coming face to face with that demon, who surely wouldn't hesitate in snatching me up and getting revenge.

As soon as I reached home after lighting the Salvatore mansion on fire, my initial intent was to call Stefan. Right away. But then what was I supposed to say?

"Hey, Stefan, your psycho brother chased me around your house, drank my blood, pretty much forced me into having sex with him, and I gave in. Rather quickly and easily, actually. And oh yeah, I was pissed and scared and decided the best course of action was to set your house on fire with your brother inside and kill him. So, catch ya later!"

Of course, at some point I was going to have to explain this mysterious sequence of events, but not before I got my head straightened out and knew for sure Damon was a goner. Then there would have to be a cover story because I told the police that both Damon and Stefan were out of town, when in all actuality Damon's remains were in the very room they were standing. This entire situation was just so fucked up. I had no idea what to do except await Stefan's return.

It was 6:00 a.m. and my alarm went off, rousing me from a restless sleep. The mirror supported my suspicions, big dark circles surrounding my eyes, hair a frizzy mess, cheeks blotchy and sunken in. I looked somewhat like a walking corpse. School was not on the top of my priority list, but what else was I supposed to do? School would be safe anyway! At least safer than this unprotected house. Not to mention how spotty my attendance record had been recently. I should definitely go to school.

"Hey Elena!" Caroline cried emphatically, nearly toppling me with her hug.

"Easy, Caroline," I laughed. Ok, this had been a good idea. Seeing my friends and letting everything return to normal would be the best way to calm this growing feeling of uneasiness inside of me.

"Sorry! We just haven't seen you in, like, ages!" She squealed.

"It's only been a few days, Caroline," I said, squirming from her grip easily.

"Yeah, but wasn't that fire at the Salvatore's so weird? We were so worried about you! Good thing Stefan was out of town," Caroline babbled with a quick glance of concern. Bonnie and I both noticed her lack of mentioning Damon, for a good reason I assumed, given their history.

"Elena, can I talk to you for a minute alone?" Bonnie interrupted, tugging me over to a deserted corner of the building. Crap! Caroline must have told Bonnie that I said Damon was out of town, and Bonnie knew that I was supposed to be staying with Damon in the boardinghouse until Stefan's return! My flimsy cover was already blown with at least one person.

"What's up?" I asked nonchalantly as if I had no idea what was going on.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what. Where the hell is Damon? And what was up with that freaky fire? He didn't try to hurt you, did he?" Wow. Well at least Bonnie had seen it coming. If only I had realized Damon's potential danger. I needed some witchy sixth sense of my own to detect an evil vampire hell-bent on claiming me in every way possible, either from puncture wounds or…other holes.

As if on cue, the bell rang, providing an easy escape from our conversation.

"Sorry Bonnie but I have to go. Don't worry, everything's fine and I'll explain it all later.

"Wait, Elena…" Bonnie called, but I was already on my way, waving an apologetic goodbye over my shoulder. I felt bad about ditching her like that, but I truthfully didn't know what to say. I did know that I didn't want to divulge the truth about the mysterious fire and my surprise appearance at school, so the rest of the day I avoided Bonnie as much as possible, only engaging her when we were accompanied by Caroline.

The entire day was particularly uneventful and mundane, and I derived a sort of comfort from that. The only unexpected occurrences were a history test I hadn't studied for (thanks, Alaric) and a loving text from Stefan that sent waves of guilt through my body. Speaking of Alaric, he was also suspicious about the past few days. Why, oh why, had I not thought this through better before showing up? Well, at least it was easier to evade him than Bonnie, who was sure to text me tonight, probing for information.

I was dreading tonight, when those shameful dreams would inevitably come again, plaguing me with confusing thoughts of lust and desire mixed with disgust and intense dislike. The weirdest part was this strange longing inside of me, like I almost w_anted_ the dreams to come, while simultaneously pushing them away and begging for them to leave me alone.

At least there had been no signs of Damon, a fact that greatly diminished my paranoia. If he was out there I had been sure he would pounce as soon as I stepped foot outside my door. He definitely wasn't known for his stellar patience and logical thought process.

As for Stefan's text, he said it could be days or weeks before he was able to return home. He hadn't found the loose vampire yet, but claimed to have some promising leads. I was beginning to wonder if this "rogue vamp" wasn't just Damon, tricking Stefan into leaving so that he had me all to himself.

That evening I was bombarded with prying texts from Bonnie, which I promptly ignored and deleted. I just couldn't face her questions yet. The creativity wasn't in me right now. I suddenly felt exhausted after doing all my homework and keeping up with Jenna's incessant bubbly chatter. Closing my eyes and succumbing to my dark prince seemed so delicious and inviting that I all but sprinted to my bedroom at 9:00, flopping on my bed without even changing clothes.

Sleep came and went, bringing with it dreams of violent fucking on my kitchen table, and I once again awoke with sticky undergarments and a bright red blush on my cheeks. Oh, would these horrors never end? The sad part was, I was pretty sure some secret part of myself didn't want them to.

Morning brought no relief, with another poor hair day and wan skin tone. Even all the makeup in the world couldn't disguise my obvious nervousness and discomfort. I just felt like something was wrong…not quite right…but no matter, Caroline and Bonnie were here to pick me up, and I was counting on school to once again return me to sanity.

It was a cloudy day. Not a good sign. The wind was whipping my heavily styled hair across my face, reversing any work that had transformed it from drab to fab. Also a bad sign. A crow was sitting perched atop my house, cocking its head at us as we drove away, its black feathers glinting a certain way through the newly started drizzle that was forming around the car. Shit, that was a_ really_ bad sign.

I turned around, stifling a distressed whimper as I gradually turned to look once again. The crow was gone and nowhere in sight. It had only been perhaps two seconds, leading me to believe that this was all in my head. Hallucinations. Dammit that was another concerning sign.

"Calm down, Elena," I thought, repeating the mantra quietly in my head. I had no idea why I was so jumpy today! Meanwhile, Bonnie and Carline were chatting amiably in the front seats, oblivious to my near mental breakdown. I was so jealous of Caroline at this moment, of her normal life without vampires or witches or any of it.

I didn't have much time to dwell on this, however, for we were approaching the school, getting ever closer to my safe haven, with its sturdy brick walls and watchful guardians crowding the halls. I hurried in to class so quickly that I'm sure Bonnie and Caroline didn't even notice my absence.

After going through the first half of the day in some sort of zombie-like trance, lunch was finally here, and I was starving. I waited in line with Caroline, who was prattling on about this new outfit she was wearing, which featured a pretty blue cardigan. When I first saw it I had actually been frightened, for the color so closely resembled that of Damon's eyes I was almost rendered speechless.

"Yeah, I just thought this color was _so_ beautiful and intense," Caroline raved. "I hoped it might make you feel a little nostalgic, maybe even turn you on, what with all those memories you've tried so hard to repress flooding back."

"Excuse me?"

"Here, see for yourself," Caroline replied, thrusting the blue sweater into my hands, revealing several patches of dried blood along the inside. I stared at her exposed back, shoulders, and arms, which were covered with intricate patterns of crescent shaped bite marks, fresh and raw. Her voice was slightly robotic and rehearsed, a monotone so unlike her usual dramatic tendencies.

It all clicked then: Caroline was compelled. She had been fed upon vigorously. Someone was sending me a message. Damon. Damon was not dead. Damon was here.

I threw the cardigan on the ground and fled, mindlessly running away from the cafeteria. I was panicking and stumbling all over the place, trying so hard to make sense of this. I decided I had to go to Rick's room. He was a vampire hunter, so he'd at least know some simple defense mechanisms. I just couldn't let Damon get me. Oh God, to think what he'd do… fuck!fuck!fuck! I cursed myself for my stupidity. As if I could kill _the_ Damon Salvatore! Delusional!

Surprisingly I made it to Alaric's door. I burst through it, huffing and puffing like some sort of maniac, on the verge of tears.

"Speaking of Elena, there she is," I heard Alaric say brightly.

"So she is," said a second voice, deep and arrogant, and I could hear a hint of a smirk, if that was possible. "Thanks again. You know how teenage girls can be, so rebellious."

"Elena," Alaric scolded, "you know better than to leave the house! You could have been killed. Just promise me you'll listen to Damon and be a little more cautious from now on."

"Yes, I told you it would be in your best interests to listen to me," the second voice said agreeably, with threatening undertones only I would detect. "Bye Rick, I think I should take Elena home now, you know, keep her safe and sound until all this vampire business blows over."

"You do that. Don't forget your history homework, Elena. See you Damon."

Ugh. That name I was so dreading to hear, even though I knew it was him already. I slowly raised my head to look, not really knowing what I would see. Of course, there he was, Damon, glaring at me. He seemed thinner than usual and his clothes were hanging off him a little bit, creating a look of grungy sexiness with his black hair strewn every which way. His skin was slightly pale, causing his eyes to burn from his skull even more than normal, boring into my own brown eyes with an intensity that frightened me.

I could tell that my attempt at killing had at least injured him significantly, though Caroline's blood had replenished much of his strength. He was left looking even more menacing, his gaunt face, lanky appendages and glowing eyes staring at me in what looked like hungry anticipation.

"Come on Elena. I'll talk to you later Rick." Damon said casually, gripping my arm so tightly that I was afraid he might snap the bone. Power was coursing through his deceptively slim limbs, power he was itching to use on me.

He yanked me out the door of the classroom and in approximately one second we were at his car.

"I was just talking to Alaric about your pesky disobedience before you so rudely barged in. I'm assuming you and Caroline had a nice little chat?" Damon said, his eyes glistening with a ravenous gleam. "I just couldn't resist the temptation of some double dipping, especially with that blonde beauty. They're so much sweeter the second time 'round, as I'm sure you'll be." He said, shooting me a mischievous smirk.

I let out a small moan of sadness, desperation, dread, whatever you want to call it. All I knew was that this was not the nice, gentlemanly Damon of my dreams.

"You've been a naughty girl Elena, and naughty girls deserve to be punished."


	5. Chapter 5: Black Black Heart

Black Black Heart

This couldn't be real. I mean, this couldn't truly be happening, right? Damon, next to me in the car, twitching in this weird way like he couldn't wait to exhaust some pent up energy in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine. I had to keep my wits about me, I had to be smart. Maybe I could negotiate with him, use common sense to make him see reason! Although, judging by the speeding car and the malevolent glint in his smoldering eyes, _reason_ wasn't really in his vocabulary right now.

But shit, I couldn't deny it: He looked damn good. As I have previously stated several times, his eyes were practically glow-in-the-dark in this weather, billowing black clouds forming a protective blanket over the sky, as if shielding the sun from Damon's inevitable wrath. The darkened atmosphere and his defined, slightly hollowed cheeks causing the blue orbs to burn probably the brightest I had ever seen them, shifting between a child-like anticipation, pain, hunger, and deep thought.

His slender wrists were arching up and down as his thumbs tapped the steering wheel in a sort of nervous rhythm, growing increasingly faster while his foot kept pace, tapping away. Jeez, he really did seem jittery, but in a cute sort of way, like he was a young man anxious to go on a first date or something. Of course, I suspected he was really just a wounded vampire who was having a heck of a lot of trouble resisting my blood in these cramped quarters.

Whatever the case, his lips were slightly parted, the lower one drooping down in the most delicious fashion forming a pouty face that was almost impossible to resist, just hanging there waiting to be bitten, kissed, licked, whatever his poor little heart desired.

His tongue occasionally breached the barrier between mouth and air to lick those beautiful silken lips, and I couldn't deduce whether this was just another nervous tic or a threatening gesture hinting at what was to come when we reached the house. All I knew was that I was mesmerized by him right now, staring stupidly at that damn lip and tongue, so inviting! I watched his face as if in a trance, for some unknown reason wanting to reach out and calm him, tell him that he had escaped, he had me back in his clutches, everything would be okay. For him anyway.

The fact that I ached to comfort my malicious, serial-killer captor was concerning enough, that I wanted to offer him some blood now to soothe his frayed nerves perhaps even more so. My nerves must have been pretty shot too, because I was actually feeling sorry for him, studying his white knuckles gripping the wheel in a death grip and his drooping eyes, wanting so badly to get back in his good graces, anything to make him happy.

He shot a peek at me out of the corner of his eye, catching me red-handed, studying him with no shame or embarrassment. I supposed a little creepy staring was nothing compared to an attempted murder, so I continued to gaze at him, unsure of what he read in my own face, what expression I was portraying. I knew what his was, however. It was actual pain, not tinged by malice, though I wasn't dumb enough to think that the cruelty and cockiness wasn't simmering just below the surface, ready to come forward whenever he summoned it.

I felt compelled to stroke his cheek, touch his quivering lips, which was about par for the course with me. I didn't know what it was about Damon that elicited this reaction from me, these numerous reactions, actually. He could make me feel fear or dread, hatred or anger, irritation, amusement, lust, love, sadness, pain, or this strange maternal feeling that was prevailing now, to my own shock and horror. It didn't make logical sense, but somehow in my heart all the pieces fit together, somehow I knew Damon was just as lost as the rest of us. True, he honestly did have a black heart, but I knew that there was goodness there too, lurking somewhere within the fiery abyss of his soul. Maybe that's what drew me in, the curious mixture of light and dark within Damon, that he could be both simultaneously. The fact that he almost always chose the dark was just part of the allure of his character. He liked being bad, plain and simple, and I suppose there was something attractive in this blackness, in this total abandonment of basic moral laws. Damon lived by his own set of rules and governed himself, which allowed for a string of both good deeds and bad ones. I finally came to the conclusion that Damon was not immoral, just amoral, a man who did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, whatever pleased him.

I could tell that Damon was really on edge here, teetering on the brink between a full-fledged rampage and keeping his cool until reaching our ultimate destination. He was on the verge of losing control, which would not be good for me I assumed, and had to be avoided at all costs, though it was probably inevitable.

The longer we stared at each other, the more broken his face became, his cheeks becoming crimson, contrasting greatly with the rest of his pale skin, and the lids of his eyes narrowed slightly along with that same enticing bottom lip, which refused to quit its incessant quivering that had me melting from the first twitch. His emotions seemed to be mounting in this long, silent car ride, in which I dared not speak for fear of angering him further.

Then, he took me by complete surprise. The fury and contempt cloaking his face melted and turned to one of pain and hurt. His lower lids seemed to water slightly, like he was about to start crying. It was truly heart-wrenching to behold, this kid-ish Damon with the face of an angel and the heart of the Devil, eyes pure and blue, body lean and deceptively boyish in its current state, hands trembling, dangling on the ends of long, slim arms.

He peered at me from beneath long, fringed black lashes, a little wet from tears unshed, and he quickly shut his eyes so as to hide this weakness from me, but failing miserably, the pained expression on his face betraying every raw emotion, every second of hurt and sorrow. The wild nest of black hair on his head only added to his look of youthfulness, messy and careless so unlike the hair of a grown man.

"Damon…" I began, unable to stand it any longer. I now had tears streaming down _my_ face just looking at his form, which appeared to be shaking as a whole now, barely visible in its trembling.

He didn't say anything, just sat there, looking at me, though not really looking at me, for we had reached our destination and had actually been sitting in the driveway of the boardinghouse for some time now.

I reached out and patted his back awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He had opened his eyes and was just gazing at me, staring blankly, his lips parted as if he was about to say something, but didn't know exactly how. Then his face crumpled and he buried it in my bosom in the manner of a child to its mother, merely leaning there, nestling his head in my chest.

I had never realized how small he was, despite his muscularity and sneering confidence. Of course, I had known his overall body structure was slim and narrow, and that he wasn't excessively tall, but now, as I cradled his small head, stroking his hair out of his face, he seemed incredibly tiny and harmless, nothing but an injured animal in need of my help and care. All I felt was an undying love.

Damon then moved his head into my lap, resting it there so that he was now laying tipped on his side in the car. I was so overcome by his helplessness and vulnerability that I didn't notice when his hands moved up to grip my thighs, fingers as strong as iron. I didn't notice him rotate his head so that his mouth was facing down towards my legs. I didn't notice the shudder go through his back as it arched in anticipation and his neck craned towards the inside of my right thigh, his nose nuzzling its way between my legs.

I only noticed when I glanced down and his eyes were red and horrifying with small veins branching around and he plunged his canines into the delicate skin of my inner thigh.

I screamed.

* * *

"I really had you going, didn't I?" Damon asked with a grin, pacing around the floor, looking so damn proud of himself that I couldn't help but sneer at his little comment.

"Yeah, you just verified how much of an ass you are, as if I needed another reminder," I retorted, feeling so foolish. There were no traces of pain or sadness on his face now, the entire display of vulnerability in the car an act, one that I fell for, I might add. How could I have thought for even a second that Damon felt anything, not to mention injury at my attempt at murdering him? I would have thought he was upset that his "true love" had tried to kill him, but no, he merely felt anger and the need to get revenge. Great.

Of course, my thigh was still aching. There had been no ecstasy this time, no delirium and happiness, just an intense, throbbing pain radiating throughout my entire body. He had made sure to make it excruciating and slow, drawing out the blood in large droughts that left me crying for mercy. His teeth had pierced my skin extra deep, so that he was almost gnawing at my skin, just making the wound larger and more agonizing.

The events that followed happened too quickly to process. He removed his fangs from my leg in a sharp snap, producing another yelp from me. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and yanked me from the vehicle, roughly pulling me out by my upper arm. His fingers were pressing into my skin and already I could feel more strength emanating from them, the skin perhaps slightly more colored from the blood. In a few seconds we were inside the house and he threw me down with disgust, not even looking at me. He just tossed me off as if I were some toy, flinging me to a corner of the room where I sat for several minutes. He had just disappeared, doing God knows what, leaving me alone in the dark room with only my tears as company.

I suppose I could have attempted another escape in his absence, but I was too upset and scared to even begin the planning for such a scheme, not to mention the execution that would follow. So there I sat, wallowing in self-pity and hoping for some leniency on Damon's part, mentally cursing myself for not contacting Stefan when I had the chance. Why, oh why, was I so stupid? One, to think that I could possibly defeat Damon. Two, that I told absolutely no one about his indiscretions and supposed demise, leaving me without any help whatsoever from the outside. My only option was to await his return and deploy the "reasoning" method. Not that it would change anything, but at least it might delay the unavoidable.

The unmistakable clomping of Damon's boots pulled me back from my woes, hopping lithely up the steps from the basement. He already seemed springier and more alive, his face showing no emotions whatsoever. It was a blank slate, and I couldn't decipher which was better: The clear, emotionless face or the angry, passionate face. It didn't seem to matter, though, for his features were content switching between the two, and I knew that at some point today I would witness the fury return with a new fire.

In his hands he clenched two long ropes, and it was blaringly obvious what he meant to do with them. At this startling revelation I stood up and sprinted for dear life to the front door, which was only paces away. In not more than half a second, Damon was in front of me, blocking my path.

"Ah ah ah, Elena," He scolded, waving his finger back and forth like a parent to a disobedient child. "Have you not learned anything since your stay here? You don't seriously think you can outrun a vampire, do you? Especially not one as pissed off as me." Damon said all this with a smile, making it even more terrifying.

"Well Damon, you didn't leave me much of a choice when you came up the stairs carrying rope."

"What am I supposed to do? Let you run wild and end up _dead_ this time? I think not, my love. Restraints appear to be my only option at this point."

"You could let me go. That's an option."

"Don't make me laugh, Elena, I'm really not in the mood," he said, glaring at me harshly, clucking his tongue in mock disapproval. He was gradually advancing on me as I backed up into the room again, slowly inching away from him as he inched towards me. He was mimicking my steps, one foot forward to one foot back, which infuriated me to no end.

"Well _I'm_ not in the mood to be tied up today, so can this wait, say, another week or so?" I said boldly. Wow, where had this courage come from? It was the perfect time for it to show up, I must say. Great job Elena, just keep riling him up, that'll be sure to make him come to his senses!

"You sure are lively today," Damon remarked, making a playful leap my direction, closing the gap between us by at least a few feet. "First calling me an ass, which I must say is a completely false notion considering you could be dead right now if I wanted, and making cheeky comments about your pending tie-up date. I hate to break it to you, Elena, but this isn't up for negotiation. Your attitude regarding me in the car seems to have taken a turn for the worse, though I can't say I'm disappointed. I like it when you fight back. Sadly, you can't beat me, as you've hopefully discovered by now after your last snafu with the fire and all. What will Stefan say? I think that was his favorite room."

I had stumbled back when he lunged at me, and we continued our strange game of cat and mouse as I neared the wall of the room, that point of no return. The Stefan comment made me feel guilty for some reason, and it wasn't because I truly thought the room had been his favorite. It was something else. I didn't have time to ponder, though.

"Don't say anything about Stefan. You know he'll kill you for what you've done, so I don't have to defeat you myself. Stefan will do it for me. And you're right, I'm sorry I thought maybe you could actually feel pain, maybe you had some humanity left in you. Obviously I was wrong. Has our entire 'friendship' been a lie too?"

"Friendship? Elena, you tried to kill me! I confessed my personal feelings for you, but no, I wasn't good enough. That was laughable considering your other option was Saint Stefan, probably the most bland person ever to walk this earth! I _will_ mention his name because I am ten times stronger than him and he gets grouped in that category of people who have no chance in hell of destroying me. In case you can't take a hint, you're in there too. Another point of humor is that you like me better. You know it's true, you're just too embarrassed to admit it. I give you passion, excitement, danger, everything you've ever wanted. Stefan gives you none of those things. He's the safe, acceptable option that your friends will approve of and will make you look the best, most compassionate and caring. You love me, and yet you still turn on me. That was the look of guilt I saw cross your face when I brought him up. It was that you realized being with me made you feel alive and excited, that with me was where you truly belonged."

His words struck a chord. He was playing with my mind, I could tell. He was trying to make me doubt my love for Stefan, feel something for him. Well, I wouldn't let him confuse me, force me to surrender. No.

"Yeah, right, you caught me. I just have a penchant for murderous killers who drink blood, including mine, and are psychotic maniacs that only care about themselves. Take me away Damon, I want to be with you for all eternity. Take me away from the man who loves me and would do anything for me so that I can be with you, a self-serving psychopath with no feelings." I said with biting sarcasm, wounding him slightly. His face fell for a moment as he processed my words, realizing I meant every bit of it.

Then my back hit hard wood. I had reached the wall. No matter how tightly I flattened myself against it, I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.

"Not so brave now, are we." Damon smirked, seeing my eyes grow wide as he drew closer, pressing his chest against mine. His face couldn't have been more than inches away, his hair tickling my forehead. I glanced at his lips for the second time today, captivated by them, held completely in thrall. His hot breath hit my face and I breathed it in involuntarily, inhaling the sweet scent of Damon, his essence filling every fiber of my being. I wanted so badly to kiss those enticing lips of his, even to stroke them with the tips of my fingers. His cheeks were rosy and flushed, heat radiating off his body. I managed to break my gaze from his lips and instead turned my attention to those cheeks. Their blush was so exquisite, coloring his face just enough to feign innocence, only serving to accentuate his perfect features. Finally I couldn't help it. I raised my eyes to meet his. There was a hitch in my breath as I took in the glistening blue orbs up close. They were a darker blue around the outer edges, intensifying to a vibrant blue in the middle and an icy blue around the pupil with golden flecks here and there. I had never noticed the intricacy of his eyes before, the beauty yes, but never had I acknowledged the various shades of aqua represented by his intoxicating gaze.

"You see, Elena," he breathed, "you find yourself drawn to me. When I'm close to you, you can barely contain yourself. Please breathe, though, because you've been holding your breath for quite some time now and I'm actually starting to get worried you might pass out on me, which would complicate my plans."

I let out my breath in one great rush, trying to keep my heart at a steady pace. It was a useless venture as the rhythm was picking up with each passing second. My mind was becoming cloudy and confused, as if Damon was a drug I simply couldn't resist.

"Don't think, feel." He directed, placing his hands on my cheeks, making me continue to look him straight in the face.

With his cool touch my heart accelerated dramatically, and looking at his flawless face I thought I might pass out anyway. Feel. What did I feel? I felt lust, desire, heck, maybe even love, paired with anger, hate and fear. I slapped his fingers away, frowning at him. I refused to give him the satisfaction of admitting that there were at least _some _positive feelings mixed with the negative ones, that I was, at least on a physical level, irresistibly drawn to him.

He rolled his eyes, holding his hand in a grimace of mock pain.

"Do you really want to test me right now? Admit it!" He growled, crowding closer against me despite my hands trying to push him away. He put his hands back on my face and stared directly into my eyes, probing for any weakness, any hesitance.

"Never," I said firmly. "I will never have feelings for you Damon, okay? Just give it a rest!"

"We'll see about that," he said under his breath, whirling me to the center of the room. There was a large, immovable table placed there, to which he tied both of my hands via the rope from the basement. He was rather adept at this tying, forming a large, tight knot (that would be impossible to escape from) in less than thirty seconds.

The rough texture was digging into my wrists, which had been placed above my head. I was seated on the floor, trying in vain to struggle from my bonds, twisting every which way in hopes of escape. All this was to no avail, though, and Damon merely sat there watching me with a satisfied expression on his face, smirking out from beneath those precariously long lashes. He seemed to be enjoying my failed attempts, so I quit moving and just sat there immobile, head down, staring at the floor through a pool of frustrated tears. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't win.

"Spread your legs." Damon commanded from his location a few feet away, where he was crouched in a squatting position.

I slowly looked up at him, my eyes full of unguarded resentment and proceeded to squeeze my legs tighter together, defying him once again. The look on his face turned from mildly annoyed to royally pissed off in a split second.

"Don't make me do it myself, Elena. You know I will." Damon stated coldly, sitting back on his haunches, bouncing up and down a little as he waited expectantly.

Now I had a choice to make: test his limits or just do what he said. I opted for the latter in a moment of self-preservation and moved my thighs apart, my hands still tied painfully over my head. My cheeks were bright scarlet in embarrassment as I did this slowly, revealing that painful inner thigh wound and the secret place between my legs. Tears of shame were rolling down my cheeks in hot wet strands, coating my face and dangling from my chin before plopping to the floor below.

"Stop your crying." He said in an irritated voice. "Actually, no ,wait, I like the tears. You're so cute when you cry." Damon grinned and got down on his hands and knees, crawling over to me on the floor. With his black hair and fierce eyes, he looked like a panther stalking its prey, his shoulders moving up and down sensuously with each step. He put his hands on my thighs and wrenched them farther apart, prying them so far open that it was severely uncomfortable.

"_This _is spreading your legs," he snarled, yanking my pants off with one swift movement.

"Damon stop, please," I begged helplessly. My first instinct was to try to cover myself by squeezing my legs back together, but at my first movement Damon tightened his grip and opened my legs even further. He touched my wound with his soft fingertips, caressing it lightly.

"Poor little girl," he crooned, crouching even further to kiss the bite with tender lips. He made sure not to lick it, so as to keep it from healing, but his cool lips and fingers felt good against the irritated skin and at least relieved a small amount of pain temporarily.

He turned his neck to the other thigh and bit down hard, surprising me immensely. I felt the delicate skin breaking, the teeth piercing, and the blood flowing, being sucked out. Once again he made sure to make it painful, withholding any pleasure I might take from his feeding, making this one _especially_ excruciating.

I couldn't help myself. I began squealing, the tears coming with full force. I was writhing in my restrains, using all my strength to try to free my leg from his firm hands, and failing miserably. With my unoccupied leg I was kicking at his head, hard. This still didn't phase him, only spurred him to feed harder, the force of my foot embedding his teeth farther in my leg.

"Damon, don't do this, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, stop…STOP!" I pleaded, calling out to him for any kind of mercy.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, his mouth left my thigh, his neck snapping back and his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He licked the blood from his lips, groaning with the pleasure of it, his face remaining vampiric and threatening.

I now had two identical bites on either leg, throbbing and sore. By this point I was trembling, cowering as best I could away from Damon's swooning form, crying loudly and freely, unable to form intelligible words or phrases.

He eventually regained composure and rolled his eyes to look at my shivering form. He smiled a bloody smile, canines still lengthened and sharp. For some reason this look sent me over the edge, and I began to frantically tug on the rope and kick my legs, having a nervous breakdown of sorts.

"Shhhhhh…" Damon murmured, pressing his index finger to my lips, silencing me. "You can't get out. Stop fighting it and do what you feel." He said quietly, coaxingly.

"I _feel_ like you are seriously fucked up in the head," I panted between sniffles. "You need some real help, Damon, some real fucking help."

"Such vulgar language for such an innocent young lady. I like it." He said mischievously, winking at me and pulling down my undergarments, exposing me for his hungry eyes.

He stroked my pubic lips with a feathery touch, gliding over my sensitive nub and moist slit using skilled hands. I was wet within five minutes, aching for him to fill me, yet repulsed by my reaction to this vampire who had minutes ago caused me such excruciating pain.

"Don't you dare touch me," I threatened, ready to resort to kicking again if the need arose.

"Or what?" Damon said, still probing my heated pussy, "You're going to 'kill me' again?"

"Damon, don't, come on! I know you're better than this!" I cried as his fingers picked up the pace. "Just stop!"

"Oh, let's be realistic for once, Elena. You want this. Stop denying it. You're starting to make a fool of yourself!" Damon scolded as the tears flowed freely down my already slick face.

Before I knew what I was dong, my hips were bucking up and down and his fingers had been replaced by his tongue, which was swirling my clit in small circles, eliciting a moan of ecstasy that erupted from my mouth before I could stop it. He momentarily ceased in his movements and peeked up at me with a cocky grin as if to say "I told you so".

"Are you sure you don't feel anything for me?" Damon asked.

I responded with a moan, arching my back, begging him to continue. A small whine escaped as he shook his head in disbelief and moved back down south. Now he inserted his tongue into my crease, my walls squeezing around it with each delicious clench. His cheeks were brushing the bite marks, but I could care less, the pain actually intensifying my pleasure, adding a new dimension. My knees were pressed against his head of black hair, unstable and wobbly they shook against the sides of it.

If only I had the use of my hands! All I wanted to do was reach out and touch him…feel him…all parts of him: his hair, his shoulders, his neck, his chest, his face, nothing would escape my prying fingers. Alas, they were above my head in a secure knot, destined to remain there until Damon saw fit to release them.

I was on that edge between a frantically spasming vagina and an earth-splitting orgasm, Damon's tongue licking at anything and everything that could possibly provide me any pleasure. My entire body was rocking with his movements, my face contorted in an awkward grimace of ecstasy. Then, he abruptly pulled away, drawing back to sit once again on his haunches. I was still convulsing, shaking uncontrollably, gyrating my hips, trying to garner some relief for my painfully swollen sex.

"What-where-why?" I sputtered, looking at Damon's amused face.

"I said you deserved punishment. Well, this is one facet of it. And from the looks of it," he said, peering down to study my wetness, "it is going to be particularly unpleasant for you."

He stood up and began to walk away, but then whipped around and used his super-speed to return to me, our noses actually touching he was so close.

"Just one more thing," Damon smirked, leaning his head into my neck. He nuzzled the skin there, licking it and sucking on it, nibbling a little here and there before clamping down on it hard in the same manner he had done my legs.

The intense physical sensations it produced, though mainly pain, ignited my fiery arousal even more and caused me to squirm beneath his grip, arching my neck away from his. He reached up and held me firmly in place, drawing out the blood in large gulps.

It was over fairly quickly, considering he had already drank from me twice. I assumed there wasn't all that much blood left to take that wouldn't kill me if removed, so the pain was at least short lived.

"Shit, you just taste so good," Damon moaned, reveling in the blood. He wiped it from his mouth and licked his fingers one by one, smiling with sheer pleasure. The collar of his shirt was stained with remnants of blood, mine. He reached down with moistened fingers and gave my swollen clit a sharp pinch, forcing a yelp of agony from my mouth. It also started the frenzy anew, my body contorting with an anticipated climax. I was throbbing with need, and at this point I didn't feel beyond begging.

"Something to remember me by," Damon smiled.

"You're leaving?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, I've got some…errands…to run in town. Enjoy yourself in my absence, by all means," he said jokingly, looking pointedly at my tied hands and exposed, aching pussy. He chuckled as he gave me a peck on the forehead and sauntered out of the room, whistling jollily to himself.

I spent the next hour trying in every way possible to satisfy my impending orgasm, but was unsuccessful in these attempts. Rubbing my legs, moving my hips, none of it was working. I turned over so that I was facing the table, staring at my bound hands, contemplating my next move. With Damon gone, if I got free of this rope I had a pretty good chance of escaping…hmmmm...

It was decided. I had to get out of here and tell somebody, and do it _fast. _Looking at the rope, I moved my head up and began to gnaw.


	6. Chapter 6: Shame on You, Baby

Shame on You, Baby

_***Thank you all for the reviews once again! I'm glad you like the story and I appreciate the feedback. I will try to be diligent in posting new chapters! Thanks***_

"**There is no such thing as freedom on earth," he said. "Only different kinds of bondages. And comparative bondages. YOU think you are free now because you've escaped from a peculiarly unbreakable kind of bondage. But are you? You love me – THAT'S a bondage."**

**~ L. M. Montgomery, **_**The Blue Castle**_

My jaws were aching and my mouth tasted absolutely awful, the texture of the rope scraping against my tongue extremely unpleasant. Small frayed pieces of the thick cord were swimming in my saliva, making constant spitting a necessity. I was nearly through, almost freed, but I felt so tired. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in days, and exhaustion was setting in. I forced my mouth to continue its strenuous work, chomping at the rope vigorously.

"Only a little farther!" I chanted in my head, urging my sore jaws to finish the job. I had better hurry up, too, for Damon had now been gone a considerable amount of time, making my situation more urgent with every passing second. I was sweating profusely with the effort, my current position being rather uncomfortable. My hands in the bonds were slick and clammy, which was actually a benefit in this situation, allowing me to slide them through the loosened knot with ease.

Tugging my arms to freedom, I rubbed the feeling back into my extremities, massaging the tender, raw skin of my wrists, trying to soothe the irritation there. I had managed to escape. Standing up and stretching my injured and throbbing legs, sexual cravings still unsatisfied, I headed for the door.

**Damon's POV:**

I was humming to the music in my black Ferrari, feeling particularly peppy. I suppose that's what happens after having a decent meal, healthy eating and a balanced diet being some of my top priorities. Today was shaping up to be a pretty damn good day. I turned up the music and studied my reflection in the rearview, raking my hands back through my hair, grinning inadvertently at my nearly flawless countenance, which was returning the smile. God, how could Elena resist this? I mean, Stefan was good-looking, but _I_ was stunning.

Of course, Elena was beautiful herself, with perfect olive skin and deep brown eyes, firm breasts and a small waist outfitted with tantalizing hips. Her hair was the perfect shade of chocolate, so fine and soft that it felt like silk to my fingers. Just thinking about her made me salivate and caused my dick to become slightly stiff in my tight black jeans. What was it about her that made me feel this way? Usually it was just sex and blood with women, but with her it was so much more.

Obviously the sex and blood were still present, but I had actually done a nice deed today. Can you believe it, me, a nice deed?

I had forgotten Elena's "human" needs, spurring me to go on this little venture. She needed some real food, and I sure as hell wasn't letting her out of the house to go get it. Therefore, the duty of grocery shopping fell to me. Fun. I couldn't wait to enter a filthy store with rude people just begging to get their necks snapped.

I "purchased" a few items for myself, naturally. Returning my gaze to the mirror I checked out my new Ray Bans with an approving nod and glanced down at the Armani leather jacket I was sporting, both of which were stolen from a delectable man with impeccable taste. Sometimes being a vampire was too convenient. But why let perfectly good clothes go to waste when the poor guy was lying dead in a back alley? I was a firm believer in recycling. And black was the only color for a vampire, in my opinion.

Honestly, I had blown all of the cash I had on me on Elena's food. I realized I had no idea what she liked to eat, so I bought a little of everything, ranging from broccoli to donuts. I was still a little worried I didn't get her the right thing, but oh well, it's the thought that counts, eh?

Pulling into the driveway my head filled with an image of Elena, all hot and bothered, tethered to the table, probably still struggling to escape. This thought filled me with such excitement and anticipation that I all but sprinted to the door, groceries in one hand, the other reaching out to twist the knob, when the door opened seemingly of its own accord, swinging back just before my hands touched it.

"You have _got _to be kidding me."

**Elena's POV:**

I stopped before the door and stretched my arms one last time, savoring the freedom of my body without restraints. I reached for the knob and swung the door open, ready to enter the world absent of Damon Salvatore, when guess who was standing opposite me on the other side, arm half outstretched as if he was about to open the door himself. Could my luck get any worse?

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." He said incredulously.

I stood there for a few moments, processing, internally debating, before attempting to close the door again in the hopes that this would make him disappear. If I couldn't see him he didn't exist.

Alas, he stuck his foot in the door, stopping me from closing it. With this he pushed it open and stepped inside, dropping his bags on the floor with a loud thud. The door slammed behind him and he sighed, shaking his head in obvious disappointment.

"Goddammit Elena!" He exclaimed. "I can't even leave you alone for half an hour! You'll just do something else stupid. And here I am, in a good mood, trying to do something nice for you, and what do I come home to?" He gestured to my free arms and the mangled rope still curled partway around the table.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered, examining the chewed up specimen littering the floor in tiny bits.

I just stood there, disbelieving. After all of my hard work, after everything I went through, and I was too late anyway. I looked down in shame, my cheeks blushing with embarrassment. I glanced over at the forgotten packages Damon had been carrying and realized they were filled with food.

Oh God, food! All of my forgotten hunger came rushing back and I almost dropped to my knees to begin rummaging through the sacks, eating whatever I happened to close my hands on first. Only Damon's obvious fury and annoyance stopped me. In fact, it was surprising he had thought of this at all. Damon wasn't exactly the… nurturing type.

Glancing over at him I winced as he slammed his sunglasses (when did he get those?) down on the table, turning to face me, ire dancing in his eyes. I also couldn't help but notice his new leather jacket, which was taught around his torso, revealing a black belt and tight black jeans underneath. In any other circumstances this sight would have surely produced drool on my part, but his threatening stance was only a cause for major concern.

I was instantly slammed up against the wall, my head snapping back and cracking into the hard surface. My ears rang for a few moments before it subsided into a dull throbbing headache. Damon's hand pounded the wood perilously close to my head, making me cringe away in fear. His chest was pressed tightly against mine and he glared at me with a sinister expression.

"You really do know how to ruin a good mood, Elena, considering you've only been here several days and already you've managed to spoil mine more than once. To think if I hadn't returned when I did, I would have had to go through the whole ordeal of finding you and catching you, and we both know how that would have ended." He said all of this with an unmistakable air of confidence, displaying his ultimate superiority and my apparent helplessness.

" Well I –"

"Don't talk, please, just don't talk." He interrupted, cutting me off. "Come on, we're going upstairs, to the bedroom."

He turned on his heel and headed toward the stairs. I, however, stayed firmly planted, refusing to move a muscle.

"Seriously? You know I can make you. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's your choice." He tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for me to follow, but I hesitated. Bedroom? What did that mean, more sex? I couldn't deny that it was wonderful and pretty much all I wanted right now what with the throbbing need still bugging me down there, but I hated what he could make me feel, how I forgot who he was, what he was, who I was, Stefan himself. Even though the pleasure would eventually come, and yes, it was pleasure like no other, all I felt before and after was disgust, terror, and dread. All I really wanted was to have Damon out of my life for good.

"I suppose it will be the hard way, then," he shrugged.

He strode over and grabbed hold of my neck, pushing me in front of him and forcing me to walk to the staircase. His grip was hard and rough, thrusting me forward with violent jerks. I yelped as he took hold of my hair and yanked my head back. I tried to squirm from his hands but he merely tightened his grip, pressing his fingernails into my skin as I gasped with shock.

"You don't want to mess with me right now Elena," he threatened menacingly in my ear, licking and tugging at the lobe with his teeth, leaving a trail of hot kisses from my jaw down my exposed neck and back up again.

I momentarily stopped walking, his active lips clouding my already drowsy mind as they always did. When he noticed I had ceased my movements he released my neck and gave the back of my thighs a sharp smack, sending waves of pain up to the bite marks he had left there, causing me to cry out.

"Did I tell you to stop moving?" He growled into my neck, which he had regained control of. "I think I do recall telling you it would be in your best interests to listen to me."

Upon reaching his bedroom he pushed me onto the bed _hard_, sending me crashing into the headboard. I curled up into a fetal position, hurt and terrified by his outburst. My bottom half was still completely naked, and even though he had seen my nudity plenty of times now, I still felt self-conscious and was trying unsuccessfully to cover myself up.

Damon was now rummaging through the closet, not even paying attention to me.

"Take off your shirt." He commanded, not even turning to acknowledge me, still apparently looking for something. Of course, I just sat there, unsure of how to proceed, knowing only one thing: I sure as hell wasn't stripping down for him another time. Turning to look at my progress he rolled his eyes and groaned.

"I swear to god Elena," he warned, removing his jacket to reveal a tight-fitting black T-shirt typical of Damon.

"No, I swear to god Damon. I'm not going to be a part of this shit anymore. I won't take it. You'll just have to find some other little toy to fuck and play with."

At this Damon doubled over in laughter.

"Please, don't make me laugh," he chuckled. In a snap he was on top of me, stroking my face.

"You know you love this 'shit,' as you call it. And if not, whatever makes you think you have a choice?" He said with a conspiratorial grin, as if we were both in on some big secret. Taking my shirt in his teeth, he ripped it off my body in a graceful movement, tossing it aside, still hovering over top of me. His eyes looked me up and down, studying my exposed skin.

"Get the fuck off of me Damon!" I yelled, pushing against his strong chest with all my might.

"Ugh, your constant berating is unbearable!" He growled, pulling the item from the closet out of the back pocket of his pants. It was a scarf.

"What the –" I started as he pulled the scarf around my mouth and tied it at the back of my head. I couldn't talk because the damned thing was between my teeth and actually in my mouth, the only noises I was able to make being loud groans and moans mixed with unintelligible curse words.

"Much better," he sighed, smiling. "What were you about to say again?"

I laid there looking up at him helplessly, tiny tears trickling out of the corners of my eyes. Damon just laughed and brushed the tears away with a flick of his thumb, licking them off eagerly. I hated him with a burning passion, but that other burning passion was also still there, somehow wanting him to follow through with what I was sure he was about to do. It seemed he knew this, too, kissing my stomach and running his hands up and down my thighs.

"You forget I can smell your arousal. Don't pretend you don't want this." He said, as if reading my thoughts. I responded by trying to push him away again, but he merely ignored me, continuing his assault on my body. He licked the wounds on my legs, healing them quickly along with that on my neck, kissing the spots tenderly, brushing the stray hairs out of my face.

"Mmmmmm…." I moaned as Damon plunged his fingers into my opening, wet and hot. He explored every inch of me, thrusting in and out with quick, precise movements, still kissing the length of my body. He moved his free hand up to my breasts and tore off the bra roughly, forcing a cry out my lips, tickling them with delicate strokes.

Removing his sticky fingers he unzipped his pants to reveal a large erection which he positioned at my opening. _Wow, leave it to Damon to not wear underwear_, I thought, internally rolling my eyes. All I wanted was for him to remove his shirt so his skin would be against mine, pressing up against me so that I could see his perfectly muscled chest and shoulders. Unfortunately, he remained fully clothed, only his enlarged cock protruding from the black jeans.

He definitely wasn't gentle as he entered, slamming his hips into mine, throwing me toward the headboard for a second time. My back slammed into it and I squealed, my hands instinctively reaching out to throw him off of me. Instead he reached out and caught my wrists, kissing them gently, sucking on my fingers slowly while continuing the violent thrusts, throwing me backwards time and time again.

I whimpered as he moved his lips to my face, kissing my mouth hard and passionately, gripping my hips with his hands, moving them to meet his own. _It's too hard_, I thought in a panic. _I'm going to break, split in two_. His tongue traced the outline of my lips, circling them several times before biting down on the lower, drawing blood. It wasn't especially painful and the amount of blood was minimal, but still I winced as he sucked on it, tugging and pulling with his sharp teeth.

Something was happening to me that I couldn't explain. My entire body was on fire, shuddering uncontrollably, every atom alive and dancing. I was sure this was death. I was dying as my head snapped against the wood again and again, waves of pain shooting through my hips every time they met Damon's. He was thrusting so far and hard into me that I was sure there was no way to come away from this unharmed, my walls contracting vigorously around his member. Tears were falling uncontrollably down my face and chin, tears that Damon continued to lick away, groaning with his own pleasure.

I wanted so badly for this obstruction to be out of my mouth, but my arms were pinned down by his body, unable to move. I needed to tell him to stop! I physically couldn't take anymore, the buzzing in my body convulsing me in erratic movements that sent me into waves of blindness where all I could see was Damon's face, sucking on my nipples, his black hair messy, in a state of disarray that was incredibly attractive and sexy. His entire body was tensed with the force of his motions, his neck strained, shoulders hunching up and moving back down, mesmerizing.

With one final plunge, the most violent yet, I was sent crashing into the hard surface, my head hitting with such force I thought surely I would black out. Instead I erupted, my body and mind shattering. I screamed and even Damon let out a small cry as he emptied into me and I bucked beneath him, writhing as he continued to move in and out of me, letting me ride the waves of my orgasm, by far the most violent and intense I had ever experienced. I managed to get my hands free and hugged myself to his strong body, afraid that if I let go I would spiral into some unknown realm between life and death. We were both shaking, though I much worse, my arms clenching him so tightly that I was for once glad he was a vampire, for I probably would have hurt him had he been anything else.

Damon eventually pulled out, breathing heavily, his face the perfect picture of ecstasy as he reached up and pulled the scarf out of my mouth. I was still lying beneath him, the orgasm continuing its rampage, causing me to keep up my squirming tremors, biting my teeth deep into my bottom lip, which was already cut and was now bleeding more heavily. Damon spotted this and lapped at the spilt blood, not biting me, just catching the drops I was producing myself.

Upon realizing that my mouth was finally free I sat up and kissed him ruthlessly, aggressively attacking his awaiting and surprised lips, biting and tugging just as he had done to me. After the shock wore off he kissed me back, shooting his tongue in my mouth and swirling it with mine. I wasn't thinking right now, just doing, paying attention only to physical needs and desires, not caring mentally what I was truly doing and who I was doing it to.

Finally we were both exhausted, lying next to each other on the white sheets, me curled into his hard chest, his arms circling my body which was still tingling due to earlier events.

"Damon," I murmured, peering up at his innocent face, eyes drowsy and half closed.

"Go to sleep darling," he crooned into my hair, kissing my eyelids and lashes. Before I knew it I was out cold, drifting in and out of random dreams, some good some bad. Damon was in most of the bad ones, ones in which he was a hungry vampire chasing me around dark mazes where I couldn't see a thing, only his glowing eyes lighting up the black atmosphere, announcing his presence. The good ones were mostly of Stefan, kissing me and reassuring me, until his hair would turn black and his eyes blue and the kisses more rough and passionate, the hands from tender to forceful on my skin, hurting me yet pleasuring me.

All I knew was that Damon had crawled into my heart and mind and there was no getting him out, for better or worse.

* * *

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," a voice called through the din.

"Go away," I groaned, rolling over and burrowing my head under the pillow, thinking it was Jenna. The pillow was yanked off my head and someone slapped my naked bottom playfully.

"Come on, up," the voice said, bringing me back to reality. I was in the Salvatore boardinghouse with Damon. Oh joy of joys, what I wouldn't give to be in my own bed right now, waking up to _Jenna's_ voice, getting ready for school where I could go see my friends and have an overall uneventful day. I wondered if that would ever be my life again. Would Damon ever let me go?

I rubbed my eyes groggily and glanced up at Damon's beautiful morning face, bedhead and all.

"You slept the whole day, Elena," he informed me, yawning. I noticed he was without a shirt, the morning light streaming through the windows playing nicely on his muscular shoulders. His face was slightly flushed, as it is wont to be upon waking, and he had a slight stubble covering his jaw. He still wore the same black pants, thank god, for I don't think I could have taken a naked Damon. My ovaries might have exploded.

I sat up and made to stretch my arms, but they were immobile, clasped together behind my back.

"What the hell?" I said, confused, turning to see the scarf that had been in my mouth tying my hands together.

"I couldn't have you trying to kill me in my sleep again, could I?" He asked. "You seem to have a penchant for surprise escape attempts, so I wasn't taking any chances."

"Well, can you untie me now?" I said crossly, any semblance of a good mood evaporating.

Damon shrugged nonchalantly, crossing his arms across his bare chest. "Can I? If I recall correctly, the last time we did this you chewed your way out. I think you still need to learn a lesson in obedience."

"Very funny. Now untie me." I said impatiently

"I am being dead serious, Elena," he said, and I could tell by his face that he wasn't kidding.

"You are certifiably insane, you know that? And you wonder why I don't confess my undying love for you. One minute you're being all lovey-dovey and the next thing I know I'm tied up and you're acting like a complete asshole! Your bipolar personality is giving me whiplash."

"And _that_ is a perfect example. You need to learn some manners, show a little respect. I am extending the courtesy of allowing you to stay in my house. Doesn't that warrant the slightest bit of gratitude?"

"_Allowing_ me to stay in your house? Damon, you're basically holding me prisoner! And courtesy? That word should never be used in conjunction with your name ever!"

"Maybe I _should_ have kept that scarf in your mouth," he mused. "Oh well, hopefully this will shut you up."

He strode over to me and cocked his head to the side, the hint of a sadistic grin playing on the edges of his mouth. I was barely able to see his eyes darken and canines extend before his hand flew out, smacking me in the face hard. My head was whipped to the side as I collapsed, crumpling to the floor in an amorphous heap. A searing heat formed in my cheek, spreading across my entire face, which I am sure was bright red with fury.

"Owwww, Damon, what the hell?" I moaned, rubbing the enflamed side of my face into my shoulder for lack of a better implement (my hands were incapacitated at the moment), trying to soothe the burning sensation.

"You do not talk to me that way. I was pretty sure I made that clear, but maybe the message needs to be reinforced." He said cruelly, swooping down upon me. Forcefully twisting my head to the side and prying my head off my shoulder, he bit down hard right at the base of my neck, in the indentation of my collarbone. I could feel the blood oozing around his mouth, slipping and sliding over my skin, warm and wet, running in a trail down my body.

He was clutching me to him, pressing my body against his, his face nuzzling into the crevice along with his teeth. We were locked in an embrace, the handsome Death with his innocent bride, naïve enough to forgive him past transgressions in exchange for a cheap kiss or tender hug. And now this, the ultimate price.

He did not remain long on my neck, moving instead to my lips, leaving the wound open and seeping. He started out kissing me, but the kisses soon became bites. He was chewing on my lips, kissing me openmouthed, letting the blood flow freely between us. His saliva was instantly healing the wounds, but his teeth were constant in their gnawing. It hurt like hell, but my screams and whimpers were drowned in the pool of blood filling my mouth, which his tongue periodically cleaned out, scooping the hot liquid from my gaping lips to his own, eager and awaiting.

Before exiting my mouth he gave it one final lick to make sure all the wounds were healed and moved on to my breast, wasting no time in sinking in. Blood dribbled out the corners of my lips, my breathing ragged and intermixed with the occasional snivel. Damon seemed content with just drinking from me, not even using his hands to fondle my nipples or his lips to suckle and caress between droughts. No, this was all for his own dark desires, feeding his personal sick and twisted fantasies.

Upon standing I realized this was the messiest I had ever seen him from eating, his entire face smeared with blood along with his bare torso, which had long red streaks decorating it. His hair was in total disarray, sticking out every which way and caked with generous amounts of the red stuff, stiff and almost crispy looking. His fangs had retracted thankfully but his eyes remained dark and threatening.

I on the other hand was feeling rather woozy and faint, if from the pain or the blood loss I was not sure. Crying silently, I put my head between my knees, hoping to relieve this awful sensation.

Then I felt Damon's hand on my shoulder. I stiffened and turned to look at him with fear, his blood-stained face mere inches from my own tear-stained one.

"You need to eat something, Elena. This nausea you're feeling is a mix of hunger and blood loss. I made you some oatmeal earlier, is that okay?"

I was appalled. Just seconds ago he had been draining the very essence of life from my body and now he was worried about my nausea, caused by his own actions anyway? I think not.

"I'm supposed to believe you're concerned for my wellbeing and safety? You just fed on me. That's a great way to show you care. You probably want me dead so you can get another plaything to occupy your time."

He grabbed hold of my chin and forced me to look at him, though my blood covering his otherwise beautiful face was not doing much for this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I would never kill you Elena. The fact that you'd even think that pains me. Never doubt it when I say I love you. I rarely lie about things that matter. Now eat."

I crawled hesitantly to the bowl he placed on the floor. It smelled delicious, and oatmeal was actually my favorite breakfast food. He somehow knew the way I like it, too, with brown sugar, cinnamon, and pecans. The hunger was painful, and the aroma was drawing me inexorably to the piping hot dish, appealing to all my senses.

I glanced hesitantly up at Damon and he nodded down at me encouragingly, lounging against the doorframe, still not bothering to clean himself off, much to my irritation.

"Go on," he urged.

"But Damon, my hands are tied behind my back. There's no spoon." I said carefully, trying to control my quiet sniffles, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"On your knees," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching in the beginnings of a grin.

"What?" I said, uncomprehending.

"You know, doggie-style," he explained, really smirking now. "Lick-lick?"

"I don't think –"

I was interrupted by Damon's hand, stretching out to slap me again, though this time slightly less hard. It still came as a shock, though, snapping my head back and causing me to lose my balance.

"Eat it, Elena. I don't have all day to wait."

"Why are you doing this?" I sobbed, shuddering and cringing away from his bloody form, trying to back away.

"I like to do it. I enjoy it. Now eat it or I'll force it down your throat, and you don't want that. Who knows? Maybe such close exposure to your already wounded neck would prompt another drink. Vampires have self-control issues too, you know. Sometimes, I just can't seem to stop."

His maniacal grin spurred me to head to the bowl of my own accord. Humiliated, I sat on my knees and bent forward, leaning over to stick my face in the oatmeal, extending my tongue to lap at the sinfully sweet substance. And god, was it good. The warm, chunky food flowed down my throat tasting of home and happiness.

Burying my head in the dish, I hungrily began to slurp it up, forgetting my surroundings. It felt like forever since I had tasted something this good!

"Whoa there, slow down! You like it I take it?" Damon said, reminding me of his presence. He was still lounging in the door, gazing down at me, humor lighting up his eyes. He was obviously enjoying this, watching _me_ feed for once, seeing the embarrassment color my cheeks as I looked up at him sheepishly, oatmeal surrounding my mouth just like the blood surrounded his.

Returning to the half-finished meal, I slowly licked up the rest, consciously restraining myself from devouring it in thirty seconds or less like I had wanted. My utter humiliation at being treated like a dog was never far from my mind while I ate, pondering Damon's watching all of this with a smile.

"Very good," he said approvingly when I was all done. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I guess not…" I said with reluctance, really thinking that he was some crazy son-of-a-bitch who would probably end up killing me before I left.

Bending down, he licked the stray food from my lips.

"No, not bad at all," he agreed, referring to his exemplary cooking skills. "Come on, I think we both need to cool off. A shower?"

He didn't hesitate to allow me to answer, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the bathroom.

"I don't think you could survive another bout of rebelliousness, so I made the decision for you," he explained, proceeding to pinch my ass, forcing a surprised squeal from my lips.

Setting me down on my feet, he untied the scarf from around my hands. "For future reference, mornings can make me a little grumpy."


	7. Chapter 7: Might Like You Better

Might Like You Better if we Slept Together

_***Thanks again for the reviews! This chapter is slightly shorter and a little sweeter than the others, so sorry if it seems a little boring and non-eventful! I am open to any suggestions for subsequent chapters so feel free to comment!_

_BTW: This story is about a darker version of Damon, so there will be some "punishment" scenes and other intense scenes that depict Damon acting "mean" throughout the course of the story. If you are not into controlling, blood-loving, kind-of-evil Damon, then I would not recommend you read it! Sorry if I offended anyone with the last chapter and just wanted to clear up that this story will have some darker themes in it.***_

Plopping me down unceremoniously in front of the shower, Damon turned on the water, adjusting the temperature to his liking and retreating to the bedroom to undress. I could just see through the crack in the door him peeling off his pants, balling them up and throwing them to the floor with unprecedented force. He reached up and put his hands behind his neck, breathing deeply, closing his eyes.

"Get in," he said in a dull monotone without turning around.

I complied immediately, stepping into the deliciously warm water, just below scalding, exactly as I liked. My entire body was throbbing, the immense blood loss and large lump on the back of my head not helping matters. I was more fearful of Damon now than ever, hoping that the earth would swallow me up and provide an escape, but alas, I was forced to suffer through this persisting torment until someone came to my rescue.

But was this really torment? I had to admit that when I had sex with Damon I was actually in paradise, wanting it possibly even more than he did. The pleasure I felt during these times was so overpowering and intense that nothing else mattered. And yes, I liked seeing _his_ face hovering above mine, _his_ messy black hair between my legs, eating me out with such precision, _his_ lips on mine and _his_ cock thrusting in and out with violence that stunned yet aroused me, making me fear him yet crave him with a desire unmatched by any I had ever felt before, even for Stefan.

To be honest, his aggressive and animalistic approach to fucking was extremely appealing to me, no matter how much I had denied it to him and myself in the past. The pain and pleasure mix only intensified my orgasms, my insatiable dark desires. To put it simply, I liked it rough. Stefan had always been too gentle, afraid of losing control or hurting me inadvertently. Damon was the complete opposite, passion and lust taking over so that every touch and feeling was intensified by the heat of the moment, every kiss and lick a scorching trail of heat down my body.

Did I find bondage sexy? Did I like it when he drank my blood? I wasn't sure yet. All I knew was that Damon drew out all of my primal urges and black secrets, eliciting fear. I didn't want him to fuck me because I was scared of what I felt when he did, how Stefan seemed like a distant memory and every slam of my skull against the headboard, every searing bite and crash of our hips meeting painfully caused my heart to dance and my inner flame to ignite. I was supposed to be the good girl who always did the right thing, but was I a submissive at heart? A masochist? Once again I wasn't sure, but as of now I didn't think I would go so far as to label myself as one of those per se, just a girl whose brain and vagina were on completely different ends of the spectrum.

As for Damon's behavior outside of the bedroom, I couldn't say I approved. Just because his sex was probably the most amazing experience of my life and his naked body sent shivers down my spine doesn't mean he wasn't still a first rate jackass. Keeping me hostage in his house was not okay, and his earlier abuse, though such displays of dominance I found incredibly sexy, had crossed a line. Despite his assurances that he loved me, I saw no love in his eyes, just raw and untamed lust that dissipated immediately following any misstep on my part. It was then that he would pounce and do something truly frightening, feelings of disgust rising from the same core that produced the feelings of arousal whenever he was pounding into me from above.

I was thoroughly confused. Now that I had finally admitted to myself that I liked Damon's methods, my heart was really screwed up. I loved Stefan, but how could Damon still weasel his way in there when he was basically keeping me prisoner, leaving me no free will and feeding on me whenever he pleased? It didn't make any sense, but one thing I did know for sure: No matter how much I wanted Damon sexually, all I really wanted was to be out of this house, back to my good girl ways with Saint Stefan by my side, no erotic Damon ready to hurt me or pleasure me whenever he saw fit. Life would be back to normal.

Part of me was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up the façade, though. Trying to push Damon off, yelling at him to let me go when he was forcing his large dick into my wet opening, all of it was a lie, and I now realized that it always had been. Just looking at Damon now made my heart flutter with thoughts of his erect cock and fang teeth drinking my blood, Damon's hands and controlling voice roughly forcing me to do whatever he wished of me.

These startling revelations briefly made me forget my humiliation upon waking this morning, the cold hearted abuse Damon was still capable of, and how that made me feel. Which, in case it wasn't obvious, was pretty damn awful. I hated it, and wanted to do anything to escape such harsh punishment again. Yet submitting to Damon completely was out of the question. Plans for my escape from his clutches were still in development, and that sure wasn't on his list of commands.

"You're not looking too hot," Damon said from behind me, tracing his fingers lightly over the bump decorating the back of my head. I hadn't even heard him enter, and his light touch made me jump slightly, cringing away from his fingers and the minimal amount of pressure they exerted on the tender spot. "I mean, you always look _hot_, especially naked and wet, but you don't seem to be faring well with the blood loss." Damon clarified this with what I imagined was a smirk at my "hotness" and his fingers trailing down to my hips where he had left large bruises from the intense fucking of yesterday.

"It hurts, Damon," I whined, slumping into his strong chest. I didn't know why I was doing this, but it just felt right so I did.

This seemed to soften him and I felt his arms encircling my body, nestling his chin in my hair as he was so fond of doing. He patted my head awkwardly, not sure whether to transition to nice, concerned Damon or remain as cruel, angry Damon. The former seemed to win out and he nuzzled into my neck, planting soft, gentle kisses there.

"I can heal you if you want," he murmured into my skin, "but you'll have to do it yourself."

"What?" I asked faintly, only half paying attention due to his lips which were distracting me greatly. With my intense inner battle raging, about what I felt for Damon, his every touch was magnified and to every individual kiss or squeeze I was much more aware.

"If you want healed, you'll have to bite me yourself."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly brought back to reality with the removal of his head from my neck.

"Because I said so. Now do you want my blood or not?" He said crossly, agitated at my inquiries.

"Yeah, geez, just calm down a notch. I was only asking a simple question." I replied, holding my hands up in a gesture of innocence. "Only one more thing: do I get to pick the location?"

"Why not," he said, rolling his eyes and smiling with curiosity.

I dropped to my knees and moved in towards his crotch.

"Hold it!" He cried, pushing my face away. "Not there!"

"I wasn't going to bite your dick, Damon. _I_ would never be that cruel." I said, putting the emphasis on the "I" to let him know my opinion of his own cruelty.

He wearily released my head as I drew closer to the organ, twisting my head to the side and kissing the inside of each thigh slowly, teasing him a bit.

"Just hurry up and do it already!" Damon said, annoyed as his cock became hard and stiff. For some reason I felt a little powerful that I had such an effect on him, but hastily followed his order, biting down as hard as I could on the inside of his right thigh, my cheeks barely brushing against his balls.

The blood poured into my mouth in large droughts that I sucked up hungrily, the liquid ecstasy sliding down my throat, bringing forth a quiet moan from my lips. Apparently Damon was aroused by the sight and feel of my feeding, for he let out a moan of his own as his dick raised to form a rather impressive erection.

I could feel the blood healing me, the soreness and pain disappearing along with the dizziness and nausea. I could have kept drinking for hours, but Damon eventually pulled my head away, grabbing my hair and yanking me off his leg.

"Jesus Elena, I swear you're gonna be the death of me," Damon sighed, panting. I could see that I had taken too much blood. For he was looking rather pale and weak, clutching the shower walls for support. "I hate to do this so soon, but you just felt so good down there that I couldn't bear to pull you away. I need some of it back though." He said this apologetically, sincerely sorry for having to bite me again, but I didn't mind, extending my wrist obediently.

He bit in gently, creating that surreal feeling I had craved since his first taste, the delirium and endless joy and pleasure that accompanied his feeding if he so desired it to. The sensation was short-lived, however, because he removed his teeth quickly, licking the wound to heal it.

"Now Elena I'm going to fuck your mouth so hard that it'll be sore for days."

With that Damon plunged his large cock into my slightly parted lips, still dripping with leftover blood, and began pumping in and out with uncanny speed. He hit the back of my throat causing me to gag repeatedly, until I figured out his rhythm and began to suck in time with his movements, licking all the way down his shaft and swirling the head with my tongue before the thing was once again rammed deep into the far recesses of my mouth. To be completely honest, it felt quite good, Damon filling me, his wetness coating my tongue and the walls of my mouth conforming to his size and shape. I reached my hand up absentmindedly to stimulate his balls, and he groaned with me, his entire body tensing with pleasure and the impending orgasm.

"Oh god Elena, don't stop," he moaned, anchoring my head with his hands, twining his fingers in my wet hair. I let out a long, contended sigh around his cock, my warm breath on his hot member the last push he needed before exploding in my mouth, sending his juices straight down my throat. I swallowed dutifully, or I suppose willfully, for I wanted to swallow it, taste it, have this part of him inside me along with his blood.

"We need to do that more often," he gasped, still shuddering with the aftereffects of his climax. "I never knew you were so good at blow jobs! Stefan must have taught you well."

"Actually," I said, drawing up to stand next to him, "Stefan never asked for one, and I never gave him one."

"Interesting… Well, my little bro has no idea what he's missing." Damon winked.

We finished washing, with Damon soaping up both himself and I, rubbing me down thoroughly, stopping occasionally to press his body against mine and kiss me or to stroke the lips of my opening quickly, so light and short was the touch that it almost seemed accidental, though I knew it wasn't. Why he was all of a sudden acting so tender was beyond me, and when I looked into his eyes it wasn't lust there, but something else, something that did look strangely like love. That adoring look sent thrills through my body while also frightening me. I was afraid I liked it too much. I had to remind myself what he really was: a monster.

Upon exiting the shower he encouraged me to get dressed with a quick peck on the cheek and slap on the ass, grinning mischievously as he did so. The slap stung but I acknowledged that I liked it as the heat in my buttocks spread to my sex, causing it to get slightly moist and swollen, begging for Damon's recently sucked cock to enter and recreate the violent pounding of yesterday. I wasn't about to admit to this, however, and merely glared at Damon's grin.

"You aren't fooling anyone, Elena." Damon called in a sing-song voice from down the hallway. "I know you want me to fuck that tight little ass of yours just as hard as I did your tight little pussy. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's common to be horny around me."

"Dick." I muttered under my breath, although smiling inwardly. I heard a chuckle from a few rooms down.

"Don't worry pumpkin. I'll wait for you to come around."

"I wouldn't hold your breath," I said at the same volume, hearing another laugh from behind some other door. I was feeling in a flirty mood for some reason and Damon was right: he did make me horny, whether I liked it or not.

Looking through the closet for something to wear, a short strapless number caught my eye. The back dipped deep and the cups lifted my breasts to perfection. It was black, Damon's favorite color, and fit my form flawlessly. It was the kind of thing I would wear to a club, but I decided to ride my playful mood and tease Damon with it now. I slipped it on without underwear, studying my reflection in the mirror. It was perfect, showing off my body in the best possible way. The last time I had worn it had been to dinner with Jenna and Jeremy and the men hadn't been able to keep their eyes off me. Needless to say, Jenna had forbidden me to wear it ever again, but I had kept it hidden just in case one night I wanted to go truly wild.

I had no idea why I wanted to tease Damon in the first place. My hormones must have been running rampant today because this morning I was crying and hurt, hating Damon with a passion, and now I was flirty and still reeling from the blow job I had provided, only wanting him to get inside me again. I felt this dress would surely do the trick.

I dried my hair and pulled it into a bun on top of my head, exposing my long slender neck with a few very prominent veins poking out. Yes, he would definitely love this. Some light makeup and red lips completed my look, along with some high-heeled black wedges. My legs looked miles long and my lips plump and kissable, overall kind of slutty.

"May I come in, Ms. Gilbert?" Damon taunted, knocking lightly at the door.

"Yes Mr. Salvatore," I replied, thrilling at saying his last name like that. Since when had I suddenly become the giggly school girl again?

Opening the door, I saw him to be wearing his signature painted-on black jeans and black boots with a tight black sweater. He looked absolutely stunning with his lean body, all muscle, visible beneath the clothes, his eyes, the only item of color, smoldering away. Even more enticing was his jaw hanging open when he saw me, obviously quite overcome by my appearance.

"Holy shit Elena," he uttered, instantly tackling me to the bed. "Do you realize how plump your little ass is looking in that dress? You are tempting me to do something I really didn't want to do right now. We just got dressed and already you're begging me to rip our clothes off again? What am I going to do with you…" He sighed, shaking his head, and reached around to squeeze and massage my butt. He breathed into my neck and sighed contentedly, noting its exposure. "Jesus Elena, I swear you're gonna be the death of me," he repeated, nipping playfully at my earlobe. He reached down and began to unbutton and unzip his pants when the doorbell rang.

"I've got it. You stay right there, understand?" Damon commanded. I nodded my consent and he rushed out of the room, obviously agitated at having been interrupted by the door. In all honesty, I was disappointed too, rolling my eyes, waiting for the guest to leave.

In a few seconds Damon returned and his face was seething. He was all but foaming at the mouth, all traces of good humor and happiness gone.

"It's Bonnie and Caroline." He said curtly, grabbing my arm and dragging me down the stairs to meet them. The force hurt me and I yelped a little in pain.

"Shut up," he warned, clapping a hand over my mouth and turning me to face him. "Don't you dare say anything about what we've been doing here. Got it?"

Nodding, he removed his hand from my mouth and arm, instead just walking at my side an acceptable distance away. Never had I been so happy to see my two best friends. Caroline was a ball of smiles, except when she glanced at Damon, and Bonnie was looking very concerned.

"Hey Elena," Caroline chirped. "Why the hell are you dressed like that? Have a date?"

"No Care, I was just jazzing things up a bit, you know." I shrugged.

"Are you okay? You haven't been answering any of my calls or texts." Bonnie jumped in, casting nervous glances between me and Damon, who had a permanent scowl plastered on his face.

"Fine Bon, just left my phone at home and haven't been able to go get it. What's up?"

"We were just wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with us!" Caroline said brightly. "We haven't been hanging out a lot lately and thought you could use a night out."

I could feel Damon stiffening on my left, and I smiled inwardly. Oh yes, this was going to be fun. "I would love to! Just let me get my purse and I'll be right out," I said with enthusiasm, seeing Damon's expression go from bad to worse in a matter of seconds.

Bonnie seemed to notice Damon's unease and said hesitantly, "You can come too if you want, Damon."

I whipped around. "Damon has stuff to do with Alaric tonight, right Damon? He can't come."

"Actually, that stuff was cancelled, so thank you Bonnie, I'd love to go." Damon grinned with fake happiness, turning to me and giving a chilling smile. I rushed to retrieve my purse when I was slammed up against the wall, with Damon grasping my chin, twisting my head painfully to face his. If looks could kill…

"I swear to god, Elena, you try anything out there and you can kiss nice Damon goodbye." He hissed.

"Was this supposed to be nice Damon? I think I've been missing something…"

"Don't push my buttons."

"Lighten up. Tonight's going to be fun. Just try and enjoy yourself." I coaxed as he released me from his grip. I found my purse and patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm just warning you Elena, one wrong move…"

And I knew that he meant it.


	8. Chapter 8: Forever Yours

Forever Yours

_***Thanks for the reviews! They are part of my motivation to continue. Sorry that this is another blah chapter with not a lot of point, but I promise that more of an actual plot will begin next chapter. Please enjoy!_

_P.S. someone asked about Caroline, and for the purpose of this story she is not a vampire and knows nothing about them***_

Bonnie was driving the car while Caroline was sitting next to her in the passenger's seat, jabbering amiably in typical Caroline fashion. Damon and I were left to the back, him lounging in the leather seat catching my eye every now and again, gracing me with his signature smirk or raising his eyebrows suggestively as if he knew the dirty thoughts racing through my mind. Only he could manage to look irresistibly sexy in the backseat of a car. It was really unfair, actually.

His legs were sprawled apart just enough to reveal the slight bulge in his pants. When my eyes grazed this part of his body my breathing hitched, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment as I realized that Damon heard, and I glanced down quickly, clearing my throat. When he noticed this he began to chuckle, covering his mouth with his hand to stifle the oncoming laughter.

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and pressed my legs together, glaring out the window, frustrated and angry that Damon thought he had such a profound effect on me, even if he was right.

"Are you guys okay back there?" Bonnie asked, cutting Caroline off mid-sentence. She glanced uneasily between Damon and me, looking at my face that was upset and humiliated and his which was naughty and amused.

"Fine, thank you," Damon replied in a mockingly polite voice, motioning for Caroline to continue on with her story, causing Bonnie to reluctantly turn around to listen once again. But her sharp eye was still upon the backseat, mostly Damon, for I knew her witchy sixth sense was detecting that something wasn't right here.

Part of me wanted to tell her everything, beg her to save me from Damon's clutches, but I knew he was the strongest thing in this car and I didn't doubt he would do something incredibly stupid just to keep me with him. And even if I didn't want to admit it, I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave…

Oh god, what was I saying? The only thing I wanted was to leave! But there was one small part that just wanted to stay…

"Elena…Hello? Elena?"

"Sorry Caroline, I got distracted." I said, giving an apologetic shrug. "What?"

"It's not like I've said your name ten times already," she huffed. "We just wanted to know what movie you wanted to see."

"I don't care, whatever you guys want," I said agreeably, still lost in thought.

"Thanks for the help," Caroline said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Damon?"

"I heard there's this new vampire flick out. Supposedly scary. I've always loved me a good vampire movie." Damon smirked, enjoying his own private joke. Bonnie merely turned to me and rolled her eyes good-humoredly, sharing our mutual annoyance.

"Oooh! That sounds good!" Caroline squealed, the only car member unaware of the humor in such a choice. "I love vampires!"

"Don't I know it." Damon replied, shaking his head, recalling some incident from his brief time with Caroline earlier in the year.

"Sorry guys, but Caroline and I already got something to eat, so I hope you're not hungry." Bonnie said in an attempt to change the subject, giving us an apologetic smile.

"No biggie," Damon shrugged nonchalantly, sending me a mischievous smirk. "I'll have a snack later."

I groaned internally, slumping farther down in my seat. Great, now I had something to look forward to later on! Damon planned to feed tonight, and all I could hope for was that this would be another euphoric experience, not punishment or torture.

Bonnie noticed the implications of his words and turned to give him a glare before returning her eyes to the road, obviously sensing the change in dynamic between Damon and I. But then, as if on cue, Caroline resumed her babbling, engaging Bonnie in some boring conversation about the big math final coming up. Damon used this opportunity to turn his attentions to me, reaching out his slender fingers to tug on an earlobe. I slapped his hand silently, scooting as far away from him as possible.

Really? In a car with my two best friends? He just couldn't keep his hands to himself for two seconds! And my firm smack did nothing to deter him as his fingers reappeared, although this time on my lips, tracing their outline, parting them slightly to stroke my tongue for the briefest of seconds before returning to his lap respectively, his eyes darting out the window and away from me innocently.

"When is he coming back?" Bonnie asked.

"What…who?" I asked, confused and disoriented. Damon's touches had left me sputtering and incoherent, slightly out-of-breath and flushed. Once again I had been caught not paying one ounce of attention to the conversation in the front seat and I knew this only increased Bonnie's suspicions.

"Stefan! Your boyfriend!" Caroline exclaimed, annoyed at my distractedness.

"Oh, sorry, I think in maybe a week or so," I replied, really not sure, but hoping that it might be sooner than that. I didn't want to think of the possibility that he could be gone for another month or two depending on how long it took him to catch this vampire on the loose. I wanted my true love back, wanted him to be the knight in shining armor, here to save me from the evil monster (a.k.a. Damon) and take me back to his castle where we would live happily ever after. What I was most worried about, however, was what influence Damon could have over me in a span of two months, considering how much he had accomplished in a few days. I mean, the mere proximity of our bodies in this car made me want to reach out and touch him, but why I did not know. His presence intoxicated me and I didn't like it.

It seemed Damon sensed the yearning in my voice and longing in my eyes at the mention of Stefan, and his form next to me bristled. His eyes appeared to darken and his mood to deteriorate at the thought of his brother, and he shot a possessive glance my way, sneaking his hand to the inside of my thigh and stroking the delicate skin there while Bonnie and Caroline were otherwise occupied. I shifted my weight and crossed my legs, giving him a warning look while brushing away his probing fingers for the second time. That didn't mean his cool touch didn't send chills up my spine, it just meant they were unwelcome right now. I promised myself the effect he had on me was purely physical, not mental or emotional in the least. This kind of reaction to an insanely handsome man was normal. Supposedly.

"Okay, we're here!" Caroline chirped. Her incessant happiness was annoying the hell out of me, but the prospect of escaping the sexual tension in the car was enough to make me share her sentiments. I hastily opened the door and jumped out, breathing the fresh air deeply in an attempt to clear my muddled thoughts. At least now I could be free of Damon and enjoy a night out with my friends.

We bought our tickets while Caroline flirted with a random guy standing in line so that we had to all but drag her away from the man so we could enter the theater. I was somewhat jealous of her normal life, away from all the supernatural drama that surrounded me and Bonnie, where she was just a normal high school girl doing normal high school things. The typical teenager. I on the other hand was out exploring my sexual limits with a bloodthirsty vampire intent on capturing me for himself, owning me completely. I wasn't so sure that counted as typical.

Damon held the door of the theater open for us, motioning Bonnie, Caroline and I through first, before falling into step behind me. He leaned in to give my neck a playful nip before anyone would notice, straightening back up quickly as I blushed in the darkness. I quickened my steps, right on Caroline's heels, before plopping down beside her in the back row. Of course, Damon slid in right next to me, brushing his knee against mine before sitting down, where he proceeded to stroke my neck lightly with his fingertips. I could tell he wanted to feed now, but was glad that we were in a public place, saving me for the time being.

"So, are you guys, like, a thing now?" Caroline asked accusatorily, eyeing Damon's fingers on my neck. "Is this some sort of Salvatore sandwich with you, Stefan, _and_ Damon?"

Even though she had whispered this in my ear, I knew Damon heard and was once again suppressing a laugh, struggling to compose himself. He removed his fingers slowly, pretending as if he had no idea what had just passed between Caroline and I.

"Of course not Caroline!" I whispered harshly. "There was just some stray hairs and Damon was brushing them away. He's always been a touchy kind of guy, you know, nothing major."

"Yeah…sure…" she said, not looking convinced. But the good thing about Caroline was her short attention span and utter indifference to the problems of others. If there was no gossip to be had, she just let the matter drop. This was not to say she was a bad friend who didn't care about anyone else, she merely knew when there was nothing more to be said and wasn't one to press for information.

Damon was still looking amused, smiling straight ahead at the screen, watching the previews with surprising dedication. I talked to Bonnie and Caroline a bit, excluding Damon completely from the conversation in the hopes that I could forget his accompaniment, discussing the next Decade Dance and other trivial matters. I asked what all I had missed in school and how Alaric was fairing, how Caroline's mother, Sherriff Forbes, was doing, and basically just caught up on the world of reality that I had so recently left, delving instead into the realm of sexual fantasy. I felt it was time to resurface, though, and was hoping to ignore Damon's advances for the rest of the night. As if I had a chance.

"So, I see that you still want my brother." Damon purred in my ear once the movie had started. "Why? I saw your look of adoration and hopeless pining in the car when he was mentioned. Am I not enough?"

"I love Stefan, Damon. Sorry, but I can never love you." I replied bluntly, hoping to agitate him so that he would stop trying to talk to me.

"Your actions tell otherwise. I know you want me, I can see you blush when I touch you, feel you shiver, hear you calling my name as you climax underneath me. Don't deny that you like it."

"Those things are purely physical. And no, I don't like them." I lied. "Love is emotional and I love Stefan, not you. I thought that was pretty obvious."

"You're lying." He said crossly. It seemed I was succeeding in agitating him but his reaction was the wrong one. Instead of turning away in anger, he seemed to want to pay more attention to me.

"What did you expect after feeding on me and hurting me? That I'd come rushing into your arms declaring my true feelings? Well here they are: I hate you and want you out of my life." Okay, even I'll admit, that was a bit harsh, but he deserved it.

Damon looked rather taken aback, his eyes widening in surprise. It was lucky that both Caroline and Bonnie were deeply invested in the film, for my last words were a slightly louder whisper that might have been audible to them had they been paying attention. Damon's shock turned to cool arrogance as he leaned back and chuckled softly. Then he pressed his lips back to my ear, mumbling into it while simultaneously caressing it.

"I'd watch my tongue if I were you, Ms. Gilbert. We wouldn't want Mr. Salvatore to get angry again, now would we?"

"You seem to be in a perpetual state of anger." I sighed so softly that only a vampire could have heard.

"You're lying to me and to yourself." Damon cooed, kissing my hair and the side of my head. "Perhaps you don't love me, and heck, maybe you don't even like me, but you can't deny you like what we're doing here. You like my lips," he said, brushing them across my cheek, "you like my tongue," he murmured, licking from my shoulder up to my jaw, "you like my teeth." He grazed his canines across the large artery in my neck, causing me to squirm uncomfortably.

"Ahhhh," I moaned, arching my back with pleasure. How could his simple touches make me feel this way? Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Bonnie and Caroline turn to look at me questioningly, and I realized Damon had returned to his own seat and was watching the screen dutifully. I masked my moan of ecstasy with a cough, pretending to be clearing my throat, rubbing my hand along the side of my neck and face where Damon's mouth had so recently been to relieve the burning trail he had left. They turned away from me slowly, exchanging a look of confusion before returning their eyes to the vampires there.

"See?" Damon said triumphantly several moments later. "See what I can make you feel? Stefan can't do that and you know it."

"Dammit Damon, stop it!" I hissed. "Stop touching me. I don't want you to. And stop trying to get in my head and make me doubt my love for Stefan."

"Are you sure?" He asked, running his finger slowly down my side, eliciting a quiver of my torso. "You really want me to stop?"

"Y-yes," I stuttered, trying to mean it but failing miserably.

"Well that sucks for you then, because you don't get to make decisions. You belong to me, and don't forget it. I will touch you if I like. I will bite you if I like. And I will do anything I like to you, anytime the urge arises." He snarled in my ear, squeezing the breast closest to him quickly and painfully so that a whimper burst forth from my lips.

Luckily, the movie was at a particularly gory and disgusting scene, making a whimper of fear or revulsion perfectly acceptable. I self-consciously looked around, making sure no one was suspicious, and upon seeing my friends' faces twisted in horror, with Caroline's eyes shut tightly, I knew that I was safe from detection. Although why was I worried about that? Someone could help me and Damon would be known as the sadistic killer he was. I should be attempting to save myself while I was still out in public, around other people. How stupid was I? But something held me back. Why didn't I tell Bonnie when I was sure she could help? Honestly, I was afraid she would kill him, and despite my fear and hatred, I didn't want him dead, couldn't bear the thought of Damon, my Damon, really gone forever.

My Damon? What the hell was that?

For a long span we sat in silence, the only interaction Caroline occasionally grasping my arm in fright when one of the vampires would do something horrific. It was boring to me, for it seemed like I was just watching an autobiography of my life, vampires running amok. It happened daily in Mystic Falls, and I was usually a target. Especially recently, what with Damon's attacks and all.

Then a particularly dramatic scene arose. A vampire was feeding on a young girl, pretty with long brown hair and big brown eyes, perfectly olive skin. She actually resembled me in many aspects, close enough that it was a little eerie. Her attacker was a beautiful one, dark hair and piercing gray eyes with a strong body and overall countenance that oozed sex appeal. Oh my god, he was strangely similar to Damon! This was weird, and one glance at Damon told me he noticed too. Although the actors were not identical to ourselves, the resemblance was uncanny and had inevitably excited Damon's thirst. Blood dripped down the victim's neck as her killer clutched her in a deadly embrace, licking his lips in satisfaction as blood rolled down his chin. This action was so Damon-like that I almost thought I was dreaming until I peeked at Damon's real face. Oh shit.

His eyes had turned dark and red with veins poking through the skin beneath them. Fangs hung barely visible between his parted lips and the expression on his face was one of hunger and lust. I knew what he was about to do as he smiled menacingly at me and leaned in, nuzzling his face into my neck and licking the prominent vein located there.

"You're mine." He mumbled, smelling me deeply.

"Damon, please," I whispered urgently, trying half-heartedly to shove him away without a fuss. Of course he was like a giant boulder, unmovable as he allowed his teeth to scrape across my skin.

"Don't scream," he panted, running his tongue along the tips of his fangs, relishing in the tingle and ache as he dove in for my blood.

From the first prick of his teeth I knew this would be painful, and I struggled not to cry, my eyes smarting when the two puncture holes were made. He began to drink slowly and surely, drawing out the fiery liquid in large, excruciating draughts. Silent tears trickled down my face as he gripped my arm hard, pressing down with enough force to bruise. I was unable to move, forced to bear this torment stationary, as his plump lips sucked at my skin one last time before pulling back. He mimicked the movements of the movie character, arching his neck back against the seat and licking his lips as the blood rolled down his chin, smiling in pleasure.

I could tell the feeding had aroused him and I looked away with fear and disgust, but he pulled me back in, licking my wound to seal it shut. The tears were still coming and I didn't want him to see, but it's pretty hard to deceive a vampire, so he obviously detected them.

"You know," he breathed in my ear, "if you just surrendered to me it wouldn't have to be like this. You could enjoy these things, not cry at them. Pleasure would be constant, and every sensation something new and amazing. We could do things you and Stefan would never dream of. Just give in. Surrender."

"Never," I cried quietly, pushing his head away roughly. He allowed me to move him, glaring at me all the way. I feared I had just put Damon in another really bad mood, but frankly didn't care.

"Bonnie, I have to use the bathroom," I heard Caroline whine to my right.

"Fine!" Bonnie sighed, annoyed. "Sorry Elena, but Caroline has to use the restroom. We'll be right back."

"Sure!" I replied with fake enthusiasm, grinning at the two of them.

As they left I felt Damon straighten up and stare over at me, as if saying _What you wanna do now that we have the place to ourselves?_

"Don't even think about it!" I growled as he eyed my body, especially my crotch area.

"Or what?" He challenged, walking his fingers up my thigh. "You'll verbally assault me? Ouch,"

"Damon, I swear—" he cut me off with all of a sudden thrusting his fingers inside me from behind, my dress just short enough to make this possible. I gasped at the abrupt intrusion, though the ecstasy was immediate and intense. With wet fingers he massaged my clit and stroked my vaginal lips, purring a little as he did so.

"Stay the fuck away from me Damon!" I slurred, trying to sound convincing. Gripping my chin firmly, he forced me to look directly into his hypnotic gaze.

"Stop your stupid struggling! Did I not tell you I'll do what I want, whenever I want? You belong to me and me only, so try just this once to be obedient, okay?" Damon said, exasperated. He reached up to give my swollen sex a sharp pinch, bringing an intense wave of pain and pleasure all in one.

"Damon…" I moaned, against my better judgment, thrusting my hips into his fingers, hoping for a quick release. Then he pulled out and away, leaving me sitting there, a faint sheen of sweat on my brow.

"They're coming back. Behave." Damon snarled, leaving me aching and wanting. Sure enough, Caroline and Bonnie resumed their seats, staring nervously at Damon and I, confused by my squirming and twitching, bright red face and shaking fingers. All I wanted was to relieve myself but I couldn't because my stupid friends were hovering right next to me! Bonnie sent me repeatedly worried looks as I continued shifting uneasily, trying to rock back and forth to release some of the pressure, all to no avail.

By the end of the movie I was convinced this was Hell. My sex was literally throbbing, begging for Damon to enter me again, anything to get rid of this feeling. I was finding it increasingly difficult to sit still, tapping my fingers anxiously. Damon noticed this and merely smirked triumphantly, accomplishing his goal of displaying the power he had over me.

On the way to the car Bonnie stopped me, asking me if I wanted to spend the night at her house with Caroline, just like old times. Hmmm… an entire night free of Damon… not too shabby.

"Sure," I replied genuinely happy for the moment. "I'll have to stop and get some clothes though."

"That's fine." Bonnie said, obviously relieved that I was going and not spending another night alone with Damon in the boardinghouse. "See you there!"

Damon dug his fingernails into my back causing pain to shoot up my spine. I turned to look at him and he shook his head no.

"Actually Bonnie, I'm not feeling so well. Maybe another time." I said, giving her a sad smile.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want Elena," she said, returning my smile. "See you around."

Climbing in the car Damon turned his eyes on me and glared, fuming at my attempted plans.

"Are you fucking serious?" He asked.

"I can't spend forever cooped up in that house! I have a life you know." I shot back.

"Not unless I say you do." He seethed, looking truly infuriated. "You do not leave unless I okay it, you do not make plans unless I approve them first, and under no circumstances should you be doing both of those things without my permission."

"Sorry. I just wanted to spend the night with my friends." I said in a small voice, cowering away from his hulking form.

Pulling into the driveway he yanked me out the door by my neck, wrenching me towards the front door of the house. Upon entering he threw me to the floor and straddled me, ripping off my clothes with a ferocity I had never before seen. He suckled my nipples and swirled them with his tongue, reaching down with prying fingers to rub my already agitated mound.

With that he had me yelling incoherent phrases, bucking my hips to his rhythm, arching my back to meet his lips. Everything was happening so fast I didn't have time to think, only knew I needed him inside me, now.

"Damon," I whined, fumbling with the button of his jeans. Instead of helping me he slapped my hands away and pinned me down to the ground, hovering over top of me.

"Say it. Say you're mine and you surrender to me." He commanded. When I didn't say anything he smacked me in the face, sending my head snapping into the floor. He returned his fingers to my soaked opening, teasing just enough to push me to the brink before he would let me fall back down again. It was excruciating.

"Damon, please… do it," I begged, thrusting my hips upward uselessly.

"Say it."

"I can't." I shuddered, tears beginning to fall down my cheeks.

"God dammit, do what I say!" Damon cried angrily, pushing his erection into my thigh, pressing our bodies closer together. He lapped at my tears and bit down on my neck, creating an intricate web of shallow bites there that hurt like hell. His stiff cock grinding against my contracting slit almost sent me over the edge and I cringed, biting my lip until I drew blood, which he promptly licked off. Pulling out his wrist he bit into it and shoved the blood into my mouth forcefully, torrents of that ecstasy flooding my throat. The multiple sensations were too much and I felt like I might pass out. When he finally took the blood away I was shaking uncontrollably, needing him with every fiber of my being.

"I'm yours. I surrender." I gasped. "Now fuck me. I'm yours."

He took me hard and passionately that night, sending me into wave after wave of orgasm, both of us making unintelligible moans and groans of pleasure mixed with yelps and whimpers of pain. Afterwards he lay with his arm draped about my body holding me close to him, occasionally planting kisses down my spine.

"You're mine, Ms. Gilbert. And now there's no escape."


	9. Chapter 9: Bruises and Bitemarks

Bruises and Bitemarks

_***Thank you all so very much for the reviews. They keep me accountable and encourage me to write more, quicker. I appreciate all the positive feedback and hope you like this chapter. I will try my best to keep updating regularly so please enjoy and comment! __***_

I awoke to Damon's arm wrapped possessively around my middle, both of us lying on the floor. I must have fallen to sleep at some point last night but could not remember when, my memories still foggy. We had went to the movies, I had been frustrated with Damon's incessant touching, and then…oh god. How many times had we fucked last night? I remembered coming several times…shit. I had said I was his! Had actually surrendered to him! Damn, I had promised myself I wouldn't do it, wouldn't give him the satisfaction, but I had done it in a heartbeat. Curse these hormones! Curse my sexual dependence!

I finally comprehended that we were both naked, my body pressed tightly against Damon's, his face cradled in my neck. I snuck a quick glance around the room and saw both of our clothes shredded, lying in tatters scattered about the room. Did I do that? I recalled Damon's animalistic removing of my own garments, but when did I do this to his? I vaguely remembered some time during our third round raking my nails down his body with such vigor that I had ripped right through his thin t-shirt, actually drawing blood that I seductively licked off, causing him to groan and writhe in pleasure, leaving him begging for more, pushing my head down to his skin again asking me to bite him. Apparently he enjoyed some pain too, because I distinctly remember his face twisted in agony/ecstasy as I would suck his blood from various locations, gnawing with my teeth to keep the wounds from healing too quickly.

Don't get me wrong, he took more than enough blood from me, drinking mainly from my right thigh, relishing in the delicacy of the skin and soft plunge of his fangs into the flesh there.

"Oh god Elena, you taste so good," he would moan between mouthfuls, his throat flooded with the hot liquid, making his voice deep and garbled. It was surprisingly sexy and enticing, prompting me to send my tongue shooting into his mouth, licking my own blood from the inside of his cheeks.

The recollections were all too embarrassing, too intimate to mull over this early in the morning so instead I gently removed his arm from my stomach and rolled away from him, putting some distance between us so I could clear my head. I looked back at him, seeing that he was way too far gone to notice my absence. If only I could have spent the night with my friends something like this wouldn't have happened. He was just so damn controlling, he couldn't let me make even one decision for myself.

Looking around I began to feel rather disgusting. I was all sticky, dried sweat and semen coating my skin. Actually, everything was sticky: my hair, Damon, the floor, the furniture, Jesus, it seemed we had been in every corner of this room! Even my mouth felt tainted, dry and weird tasting. I put my head in my hands and tried to calm my breathing, reassuring myself that he must've compelled me, I couldn't have consented to this debauchery. And yet I was still wearing that special vervain necklace Stefan had given me, a token so we'd never _really_ be separated.

Stefan. My boyfriend. What the hell was I doing? Looking at Damon's innocent face, sleeping like a peaceful angel, I couldn't help but feel my heart quicken. No. This was wrong. I needed a shower. I needed to get Damon's essence off of me. His blood, his cum, his sweat, all was coating my body and I began to obsessively scratch at my tender skin, rushing to the shower as fast as I could.

Oh no. The shower. That place where I had so recently and happily sucked Damon's dick, enjoying the spasms of pleasure flitting across his gorgeous face. I turned on the water and tried to ignore the images flashing through my mind. Just think about getting this shit off of you, getting clean. What would Stefan think? Stefan would never know. Would never need to know. Of that much I was sure. Well, _I_ wasn't telling him anyway.

I scrubbed myself until I was pink, furiously massaging my scalp with shampoo, rubbing soap all over myself to try to erase the events of last night. The water pounded down on me and I liked it, invited it, begging time to run backwards, begging Stefan to have never left in the first place, begging myself to have told Bonnie. I didn't realize I was crying until I turned off the water, feeling the tears trickling down my face. Looking in the mirror I looked like a wreck, face puffy and eyes red, lips still swollen from the intense kisses of last night, several bite marks covering my body.

I liked him. I really did. I was falling for Damon fucking Salvatore.

* * *

"Elena," _his_ voice boomed around the house, echoing up the stairwell and into my little nook in the corner of Damon's room.

"There you are," he said, relief flooding his voice. "I thought you'd left." He seemed genuinely worried about that, not in the "I'm angry that you tried to escape and now it's time for some punishment" kind of way, but in the "the girl I love tried to leave me after we just shared an amazing night together" kind of way. But his face still fell when he took me in.

I was sure I looked the sight, rocking back and forth in a corner, hugging my knees to my chest and sobbing uncontrollably. I was hyperventilating so the cries came in irregular hiccups, breaking forth from my lips violently. I had my hands raking through my hair and scraping down my face. I just couldn't take it. I wasn't cut out for this. I didn't want to love Damon, I loved Stefan, I felt _something_ for Damon, I wanted Damon sexually, I needed Stefan with me, I needed Damon to leave me alone, hell, I needed so many things right now I couldn't discern what I was just _telling_ myself I wanted from what I actually did want.

In a second Damon was next to me, hugging me close to him, rocking back and forth with me.

"Shhhhh," he crooned, brushing away my tears with his thumbs, planting gentle, chaste kisses along my cheeks, neck, and back, stroking my face tenderly. "I love you." I heard him whisper between kisses. God, this made it even worse. Why the hell did he have to choose now to put on his nice façade?

"Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll make it all better." He murmured, gazing into my teary eyes. Looking at his immaculate face just made me cry harder and he frantically tried to calm me, begging me to tell him what was the matter. Then he noticed my skin, the few bite marks still remaining.

"Did I hurt you too bad?" He asked with real concern. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think… I didn't mean to leave those there. I'll make it all go away." He reassured me, immediately biting into his wrist, extending the blood to me. When I just turned my head, he seemed puzzled, but instead let the blood drip directly on the wounds, watching them seal and disappear. He kissed me all over, caressing me, eating away all my tears, becoming increasingly urgent with his movements. He didn't know what was wrong with me, and it seemed as if healing my injuries hadn't had any effect.

Damon sat back on his haunches and stared at me quizzically.

"Elena, what's wrong? You can tell me." He whispered this gently, cupping my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks. The way he was looking at me was just so full of love that I couldn't help but feel guilty, looking down and shaking my head.

"You…" I started, unable to finish. "Stefan…" I tried again, failing miserably. His face hardened at the mention of Stefan, snatching his hand away from my face.

"So this is about Stefan, is it? My little brother." He seethed, spitting the words at me with malice. "It's always him, isn't it? It's always going to be Stefan." I looked at him through watery eyes, unsure of how to answer. "Yes" I wanted to say. But just because I wanted to say it didn't make it true.

He mistook my silence as assent and turned away, looking on the verge of crying himself. But turning back to me it was resentment twisting his features.

"That sure wasn't what it looked like last night my little Elena. You gave into me, threw yourself upon me several times, begging for more. 'Oh Damon, don't stop Damon! Harder, harder! I love you…so much…oh god...eat me, eat me!'" He mocked, smirking at my blushing cheeks. "You're not fooling anyone girlie. Tell yourself whatever you want, whatever helps you sleep at night, although last night it appeared to be my arm that did the trick."

He moved closer and pulled me into him with that same arm until we were touching, skin upon skin, for neither of us had dressed.

"I see you are still going to need some… persuading." He grinned, licking his lips.

"No Damon, don't…don't do this." I struggled as he kissed my stomach, laying me down on my back.

"Oh shut up Elena." He said. My weak attempts to push him off were rather pathetic, one hand shoving at his chest while the other grabbed his hair and held it down to my body. I guess this reflected my current position, wanting him yet detesting him simultaneously.

He grabbed the hand pushing at him and slammed it into the floorboards, pinning it above my head.

"Are you really that stupid? Think you're stronger than me? Well how about this." He twisted my arm painfully, till I knew if he moved it one more inch it would break. I screamed in pain, tears coming down my face in rivulets. Okay, at least I could remember why I hated him. Just minutes ago he was afraid of having hurt me too much, healing me and calming me, but as soon as he felt any semblance of hurt himself, the wall came back up and he would lash out.

"Damon, please…" I squealed as he released my arm. It hung limply at my side and hurt so bad that I was afraid of fainting.

"Damon, please," Damon taunted in a high pitched voice, laughing at me cruelly. "Please do this?" He bit into my hip and drank greedily though I could tell he wasn't hungry, taking in gulps until he really couldn't drink anymore. Pulling back it was like he was drunk, intoxicated, smiling at me revealing his red fangs.

Despite this display, I could still see the hurt in his eyes. He had thought I loved him, had thought last night was our defining moment, but here I had been, sobbing and unresponsive to his affections.

He leaned back down and nuzzled at my neck, skin warm and flushed from the large intake of blood. His face looked exquisite as the blood circulated behind his eyes, making them burn from underneath his dark eyebrows. I didn't struggle, couldn't, because of my incapacitated appendage.

"Please do this?" He said again, more softly, voice husky and deep from his recent drink. He brushed his lips against mine, shooting his tongue in my mouth. I tasted the metallic flavor of blood, not the sweet nectar that was him, and laid without returning his kisses. I could feel him hard against my leg from the feed, knowing full well that drinking, especially from me, aroused him, and he began to grind against me subconsciously, the friction heightening his erection.

Oh what the hell, I couldn't hide it. I was intensely aroused by this and began to finally kiss him back, gyrating my hips, rubbing against his cock as he groaned with my sudden movements. I reached my good arm up and slid it down his body, tracing his muscles until reaching his twitching dick, stroking it with skilled fingers.

Why did I give in every time? Was my self-control really that poor? The effect Damon had on me was…well… let's just admit it, one Stefan had never achieved. Damon was something else entirely.

"You know that was my favorite dress you ripped earlier." I panted as he sucked my nipples, biting them hard, causing my hands to clench around his pulsing manhood. He groaned involuntary, gasping and shivering with pleasure.

"That shirt of mine you ruined was an antique." He snarled, barely able to talk with my hands running up and down his shaft. I laughed, loving the power I had over him, upset when he moved down out of my reach, running his tongue along my slit. He always had to show who was boss.

"Do you still want Saint Stefan?" He growled, swirling my sex with his tongue, lapping at my wetness, licking all the way up to my navel, up to my neck, finally sticking his tongue back in my mouth, allowing me to taste myself.

Even though I was pretty far gone, I wasn't letting him trick me this time. He would not have me rolling on the ground, shouting my confessions of love, admitting that he possessed me.

"Yes," I breathed, hearing a low rumble deep in his chest at my answer. "You're good for a quick fuck, trust me, Damon, but I belong to Stefan."

"Oh really?" He questioned, thrusting his tongue inside me, holding me down with his hands.

"Mmmmm," I replied, unsure of whether it was in agreement or just a groan of consent.

"Love, lust, it's all the same, isn't it? Do you even think about Stefan without guilt? When you dream is it me or him? I do recall you tossing and turning last night, in the middle of some sort of vision, calling my name and moaning. There was also the smell of arousal in the air. The name Stefan never left your plump little lips."

"Fuck you," I gasped as my insides clenched around his tongue. He was still rubbing against my leg, both of us on the verge of coming right then and there.

When we finally did we both screamed it out, Damon biting down on a nearby pillow to release some tension and muffle his voice, me just letting it all come, squeezing my legs around his head. God I loved it. Did I ever feel before this, ever live before this? My past faded in comparison to this rapture.

Even if I did want Stefan I had to admit, this boy had skill.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_Damon consumes my every thought now. I have to consciously remind myself of Stefan, struggling to remember exactly what he looks like when raven hair and aqua eyes are all that I can see anymore. I am really fucked up at present. I have never felt so much before, whether the emotion be fear, fury, or lust, they are all so intense and passionate that my mind is whirling and my emotional radar is exhausted. _

_I am on guard all the time, waiting for one of Damon's explosions, but I can't deny that this is by far the most exciting... relationship…I have ever experienced. Actually, I don't know what this is. Are Damon and I in a relationship? I suppose in some twisted way yes, we are in a relationship, but it doesn't feel that way. It's like I'm walking on eggshells every time I'm around him, yet the thrill of it keeps me coming back for more…what does all of this mean?_

_All I know for sure is this: I've never felt more alive._

_Love,_

_Elena_

I shut the little leather book as fast as possible and shoved it under Stefan's mattress where I kept it safely hidden, the only part of me Damon had not yet explored. I wanted to keep it that way. He had already seen too much of me physically, mentally…I didn't know if I could take those questions.

He emerged in the doorway only moments after I had returned the diary to its secure location, eyeing me suspiciously.

"What are you doing in here? Still trying to convince yourself Stefan's your true love? Newsflash: immediately after my tongue's had you screaming in ecstasy is not the best time to contemplate my buzz killof a brother."

"I'm just smelling him." I said, not entirely lying as I collapsed back onto his pillows and breathed the sheets, a faint trace of Stefan still lingering. And he did smell good.

"That's not creepy or anything…" Damon said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, breakfast is ready."

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged, waving him off. "I'm coming don't worry."

As I meandered down the stairs, the aroma of freshly cooked pancakes flooded my nose. Rushing into the kitchen I broke into a giant smile, for I was intensely hungry again and this was my favorite breakfast.

"Chocolate chip pancakes," Damon introduced, opening his arm, inviting me to sample the sweet creations.

"How did you know these were my favorite?" I asked, slopping three of them onto my plate and slathering them with warm maple syrup.

"Believe it or not, Elena, I sometimes listen when my brother talks." He said, taking the seat opposite me, gesturing to the pancakes. "You like?"

"Oh Damon, these are amazing," I moaned, savoring every bite. They were perfectly cooked, and I swooned. Shit, the man was an amazing chef too. What else could he do to capture my heart?

"I have something for you, Elena." He said when I was done, still swirling the flavor around my mouth. He held out a thin silver bracelet, delicate with a small red ruby dangling on the end. I was speechless staring at the beauty and grandeur of the gift, wondering why the hell he'd bought it for me.

"The red is actually my blood." Damon confessed. "It'll allow me to know where you are at all times and allows you to feel me approaching. It is a reminder that you belong to me and me alone."

I snatched my wrist away as he made to clasp it, escaping just in time.

"I don't think so Damon. It's beautiful but I'm not some piece of fucking property. You cannot _own_ me."

He frowned, studying my face. "I hear the same stupid excuses every time with you. You're like a broken record with your constant denial. Your resistance makes my fingers tingle."

What?

"Come over here." He motioned, beckoning me to his lap. I got up and did what he said as he pushed me down so that I was lying on my belly across his legs, my butt raised in the air.

"What are you doing Damon?" I gulped, feeling his lithe fingers kneading my ass.

"Teaching you a quick lesson before I have to go do some business in town today."

"What lesson?" I inquired, nervousness spreading throughout my body like wildfire, My woes were confirmed. I was walking on eggshells.

He slid his black belt from his pants, doubling it over so that it was folded in half. He slid my shirt up and pants down, exposing my ripe buttocks.

"Yummy," he chuckled, kissing my unblemished skin. "I'm still pissed from last night too, you know." Damon whispered this in my ear, letting the cool belt stroke my skin light as a feather. "And twice this morning. You better watch yourself." He smirked and then cracked the belt against my thighs, three there and three on my butt.

The blows were not that hard, merely a little sting here and there, but I could feel the welts rising anyway. It hurt and burned so I groaned, arching my back up off Damon's lap.

He kicked me off unceremoniously, taking the belt and securing me to the table, hands above my head.

The leather bit into my skin and hurt like hell, digging at the flesh of my wrist. Not to mention the soreness and tenderness of my ass as I sat gingerly on the floor, wincing with every little movement.

"Now how's that?" Damon smiled, admiring his own work, looking at the bracelet on my raised arm, the one he had forced upon me as soon as I was tied up. He turned me on my side and bent down to my red butt, licking the wounds there. His tongue passed over my entrance and ignited my inner flame.

"Mmmmm… oh yes…" I hummed, the sensation of my injuries healing almost orgasmic. The painful burn morphed into a delicious one, traveling straight to my sex and circulating throughout my body. He continued to lick at the pains, fixing them bit by bit, making my breaths come in short pants.

"If this is punishment, then by all means I should continue being rebellious." I gasped as he passed over my hole. "Oh yes, please punish me!" The physical sensations were overwhelming and almost as good as sex itself.

Alas, at my outburst he drew back, realizing that I was enjoying this too much. He slapped my ass with his bare hands, sharp and hard, erasing my pleasure. I bit into my lower lip hard enough to draw blood in the hopes of not crying out in pain. Instead he just licked the blood away as if it were no big deal, giving my nipple a firm twist before waving bye and heading out, winking before exiting.

I was horny and in the mood for sex… again… and here I was, tied up to a fucking table. I wanted him to return if only to heal me, sending those orgasmic waves through my body. Instead I slumped, defeated, once again finding myself in a puddle of my own bodily fluids.

I can't say how long I sat like that, though it seemed like hours. My ass was painfully swollen and my arms were so tired from being above my head that they were gradually falling asleep. My panties felt clammy from arousal and life seemed pointless. Too much thinking time. But I had made my choice. I needed Stefan. Ha. That would teach him. Despite this lovely bracelet, I belonged to the man who would do anything for me. That was Stefan.

Then all of a sudden I heard a banging. What the—the door swung open, flying apart to reveal my savior, the knight in shining armor.

"Bonnie," I breathed.


	10. Chapter 10: In His DNA

In His DNA

_***Hello again! To those of you who reviewed: thanks a lot! It means so much to me to read those. This chapter might suck a little due to the fact that I am up too late trying to write it, but oh well, I hope you all like it anyway. As for how many chapters I'm planning, I'm not sure but am thinking somewhere around 20, give or take a few? It all depends I suppose… so without further ado, enjoy!*** _

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!" Bonnie cursed, ripping off the belt and taking in my tear-stained face. I rubbed my ass gently, massaging the tender skin and moving my arms so that they regained some feeling. Well this was…an interesting turn of events. What was I going to tell Bonnie? The truth? Hadn't I just wished I could reverse time and tell her everything? So why was I trying to come up with some flimsy lie? This was so unexpected! And unfortunate, for Damon at least. I wondered if Bonnie would really kill him… if she even _could_ kill him. I somehow doubted he would go down that easily. But at the same time, I had witnessed first-hand Bonnie's immense power and her particular skill at incapacitating vampires with her aneurisms.

"What the hell _is_ this, Elena?" Bonnie asked, gesturing to the setup of the room. Oh shit. We still hadn't gotten around to cleaning up the evidence of our little rendezvous last night. Remnants of our clothing were strewn about, furniture was broken and knocked over, and everything, including myself, was still rather sticky. This must look like some kind of freaky sex house. Which I guess it was, in a way… not that I was okay with my best friend (and powerful witch) seeing it, and me, in this state.

"It's…ummm…" I struggled, looking for anything to explain this aside from the truth, though nothing was springing to mind at the moment.

"Did he rape you? Did he hurt you?" She asked suddenly, inspecting my appearance a little more closely.

"Well, I don't know if 'rape' is the right word…" I started, unsure of how to proceed. I guess technically it wasn't 'rape' was it? I mean, I always ended up surrendering in the end, so it wasn't _completely_ forced.

"Well what would you call it then?" Bonnie asked harshly. "Were you compelled?"

"No!" I said, shocked. "Damon would never do that!"

"No, you're right, I'm so stupid! He'd just keep you trapped in here, feeding on you and making you have sex with him out of the kindness of his heart." Bonnie replied sarcastically.

"He didn't make me have sex with him… not really…" I tried, skirting around the full truth of what had happened here. Bonnie didn't need to know all the bloody details of the past few days.

"You did this voluntarily?" She cried, horrified.

"Of course not! I mean, I would never do that to Stefan, you know that!" I said defensively, acting hurt that my friend could think such a thing even if it might be slightly true…

"So it _was_ rape then. And torture." She eyed the belt and my hand cupping my aching butt, still rubbing gently to ease the pain.

"Okay, rape then. Whatever. But he didn't _torture_ me, per se."

"No, he just hit you and bit you. Fun guy, that one."

"Maybe he just likes things a bit kinky?" I tried, wincing at Bonnie's raised eyebrows, giving me that look of "are you serious right now?"

"Why are you defending him?" Bonnie asked suspiciously. "He obviously did this to you and you were obviously distressed. Would you like it if I just left you bound up here?"

"No, no, please take me with you! I guess I'm just…in denial…" I faltered. But that was normal right? Victims of abuse and such were prone to these reactions, weren't they? Not that I counted myself as one, I was just hoping Bonnie would buy it. I couldn't go around admitting that I kind of liked it. 'Kind of' being the operative word.

"Of course. I'm being so insensitive. Come on, let's get you home." She patted my shoulder and guided me to the door as I shuddered. She most likely thought it was a shudder of fear and humiliation, not one of concern for Damon, the thought that she might actually kill him never far from my mind. Yes, he had been a jerk (to put it lightly), but we had both gotten at least some momentary enjoyment out of our time together, even if I was glad to be leaving. Sort of glad. A little glad.

Anyway, she believed my lie and drove me home, transformed from the bitchy witch that was interrogating me about Damon's and my activities to the caring friend who was here offering all her support. I couldn't decide which I preferred because right now both of them were grating on my nerves, unwelcome and uncalled for. What was I going to do? Oh God, when Damon returned home to find me gone! All hell would break loose, of that I was sure. And once he discovered what I had told Bonnie, completely vilifying him, even though he deserved it, he would probably bite my head off… or worse.

"…and I know this is tough. I'll take him though, don't worry." Bonnie was saying, pacing around my room where I sat stoically on the bed. To be honest, I missed the boardinghouse bed. My house would seem too lonely, despite the presence of Jenna and Jeremy. And how would I satisfy my newly kindled sexual needs? I suppose all I could hope for was the quick return of Stefan, though it wasn't a secret that he couldn't fuck like Damon. Not even close.

"What are you talking about? Sorry, I wasn't listening." I said apologetically, shrugging my shoulders and refocusing my attention on Bonnie's mouth, moving rapidly in heated outrage.

"Oh don't worry. I was just going over my plans to murder that bastard." She seethed, her face twisted in a mask of fury that I had only ever seen on Damon.

"Oh no, Bonnie, you can't!" I squealed, panicking. I had to stop this, somehow. The mechanics I hadn't quite worked out yet, but I was getting there, trying desperately to form a valid plan of attack. "I don't want you to get hurt trying to take him out." I suggested. It was true, in a way. Not the whole truth, but I honestly didn't want her to get herself killed.

"I don't give a fuck about what happens to me as long as he pays for doing this!" She growled. Wow, she was seriously upset. I decided the moral approach would be my safest bet at this point.

"Don't stoop to his level, Bonnie. Don't become a murderer like him. We'll let Stefan deal with him when the time comes." Bonnie sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You're right. I'm letting him get to me. Well, I'll stay over tonight and protect you, but I won't go looking for him. Happy? But I have to warn you: if he ever lays a finger on you again, I swear to god I will kill him."

"You don't have to stay with me, I'll be fine." I said, worrying that Damon would show up and attack her or possibly try to steal me back and get killed in the process.

"Oh yes I do and don't try to talk me out of it. Anyway, you need something to get your mind off this. Let's have a girl's night, just you and me." Bonnie replied, attempting to inject some enthusiasm into her harsh tone.

"Okay…" I said, giving her a weak smile. This day had just gone from bad to worse. Why had I prayed for someone to save me? And Bonnie of all people! She already hated Damon and this was just the excuse she needed to really do him some damage. I believed her when she said she would kill him if he dared touch me again, and I was sure that he would try to do just that.

….

Bonnie remained with me the rest of the day and night, doing my nails and gossiping, both of us avoiding the topic that was clearly in the front of both our minds. Nobody wanted to mention what had happened back at the boardinghouse, especially me. I could tell she as itching for more information, wanting so desperately to know exactly what had happened, but I wasn't falling for her bait, refusing to give any details unless she asked directly, which she didn't.

Instead we did normal girl things, ignoring the giant elephant in the room. She could tell I was tense but must have thought it to be trauma from earlier events, not anxiety about future ones. I expected Damon to come barging through the door or flying through the window at any moment, prepared for one of them to end up dead or seriously injured. But all day he never came. I wondered if he was just still in town doing his 'business,' but it had been hours and hours since then, and he couldn't have expected me to stay tied up that long, right? I mean, he wouldn't have subjected me to _that_ much torture.

When darkness fell my fears grew exponentially. I reasoned that if he was going to strike, he would do it now in his favorite element. I tried in vain to send out telepathic messages warning against approaching this house, but I knew he couldn't read minds, so why I was trying this I wasn't sure. Bonnie seemed slightly nervous too, flinching at every creak and sudden movement or noise, making me even more jumpy. Oh please Damon, have enough sense not to come right now with the vengeful witch in the room!

But the night was silent. He never came, which made me increasingly worried. What was he up to? Was he planning some sneak attack? Snatching me up later for some over-the-top punishment? Did he just forget about me, decide I wasn't worth it? Of course, that would be a blessing…maybe…though I couldn't help but feel my heart drop at that thought, that he didn't want me anymore. Perhaps I still wanted him…no. No, no, no, and no. If I repeated that word enough, maybe it would come true. Ha. No such luck.

"_Hello Damon." I smirked, raising my eyebrows at him suggestively._

"_You bitch! You'll regret doing this and you know it. I'll make sure of that!" He snarled, thrashing about._

"_No. I'll make _you_ regret what you did to _me._ Controlling me and hurting me, making me do whatever you wanted. Bad move. Look who's got the upper hand now?" I snapped the belt at my side for good measure, one of the black ones from his closet that he wore almost daily. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew he'd get even eventually, but I was having too much fun to stop._

_He continued to pull at the handcuffs holding him to the bed, one arm to each post, but all to no avail. The vervain I had given him beforehand must have done the trick, sufficiently weakening him to the point where he couldn't escape from my little setup. Groaning he slumped back against the headboard, looking a little defeated, but then a little challenging, daring me to go through with this._

"_Well then Elena. Give me your best shot." He nodded his head to beckon me forward, grinning invitingly. I was slightly nervous, the long strip of leather in my right hand seeming to get heavier and heavier as I moved closer, my hand shaking just a bit. He noticed this and laughed, amused by my fear and reluctance._

"_No need to be scared Ms. Gilbert. You know you want to."_

"_Damon I-"_

"_Do it!" He growled, baring his teeth in a menacing grimace._

"_Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the one dominating you! Shut up!" I yelled with conviction, raising my arm and slapping him as hard as I could across the cheek. It wasn't nearly hard enough to provide much pain, but I could see him wince slightly and his cheek redden deliciously as his head snapped to the side. God, I loved the flush it brought and caught myself fantasizing about what that would look like on his flawless ass, that same redness spreading across the firm muscles. The thought aroused me instantly and spurred me to bring the belt down on his bare stomach as he yelped quietly, squeezing his eyes shut to hide his discomfort. This power was pretty damn awesome, allowing me to realize why he liked to yield it so much. This was fun!_

"_Don't cry Damon." I crooned after a few more blows, licking away the single tear as he had done to me so many times before. I kissed his mouth passionately, forcing my tongue in and exploring all the corners, my hands running up and down his sides sliding to his hips that were raised upward to meet my kisses. I was glad he was a vampire and healed quickly so that I wasn't frightened of hurting him permanently._

_I raked my nails down his tight abdomen, creating shallow claw marks that dribbled blood. I licked the blood up, watching as the wounds healed instantly, the blood remnants drying on his skin._

"_You look so hot with blood on your mouth." He breathed, his hardness pressing into my stomach. I smiled teasingly and lowered my hands to the waistband of his pants, unbuttoning them sensuously, trailing my fingers down the middle of his chest, over his firm stomach, and finally began to tug the jeans off his torso._

"_Not as hot as you." I said flirtatiously, peeking out from under fringed lashes. He chuckled, wriggling his lower body to help me get his pants down._

"_Shit Damon! You need to stop wearing such tight pants! It's too hard to get them off." I huffed, finally getting them down to his ankles, glaring at him with mock annoyance._

"_You know you like it." He teased, eyes glinting with anticipation. I gave him another hard smack for that one, warning him not to talk back to me, trying to outdo him at his own game. I was completely failing though, taking in his beautiful body I was already wet and needy, fearing that I wouldn't be able to wait much longer. I wasn't good at patience when it came to my Damon._

_Bending down I took his stiff cock in my mouth, sucking sweetly, taking pleasure in his tiny groans and whimpers. I let him fall out of my mouth and tickled him with my fingers, watching his face screw up with the tension._

"_Come on Elena!" He whined, thrusting into my hands, trying to get some friction._

_I contemplated teasing some more or causing him some more pain to teach him a lesson, make him really beg for it, but what the hell, I wanted him now and he wanted me and I wasn't cut out for this anyway. I lowered myself onto his raging erection and started riding him as he thrust into and out of me from below. I tried to regain control, but it was so much easier to let him do all the work, and he liked it that way too, so I let him control the movements, grasping my hips and pumping me up and down._

"_Oh God Damon!" I cried, as he hit me in just the right spot, sending waves of ecstasy through my body. I leaned down to kiss him on the lips, letting my chest fall onto his. _

_Then I heard a loud crack. Sitting up alarmed, I saw that he had freed himself from the bed, the posts splintered and broken. The cuffs were still dangling from his wrists as he grasped my face and gave me heated kisses along my neck and mouth, letting his tongue linger on my skin as he tasted the thin layer of sweat covering my body. Before I knew it I was on my back and he was overtop of me, thrusting in from above._

"_Damon," I cried, pouting, "that was supposed to be me."_

"_Sorry darling. Can't help it. You're mine." He said, panting heavily, pinning me down on the bed as I struggled playfully, pushing at his iron arms._

"_You could've broken free from the beginning, couldn't you?" I asked, nearing my climax._

"_Obviously," he said, rolling his eyes. "You didn't honestly think a tiny bit of vervain could keep me down, did you?"_

"_No, but it would have made it at least a little more believable. I suck at this." I continued, whimpering as he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside me._

"_Right there Damon! I'm so close." _

_With another thrust I was sent spiraling over the edge heading into a violent orgasm that I never quite got used to no matter how many times I experienced it. Not long after I could feel Damon release his seed into me too, his face vamping out as I extended my neck, inviting him to drink. That was all he needed to lean over and bite into me, sinking his fangs deep, moaning with each drought. I loved it when he drank from me and I writhed beneath him, gripping his hair and pressing him to me, turning my head slightly and kissing along his neck._

_When he stopped drinking he smiled back at me, planting a sweet kiss on my nose._

"_That was incredibly hot," he said, stroking my cheek, just gazing contentedly into my eyes. _

"_How so? I guess I'm just not meant to be the dominate force in this relationship. You broke free and took over halfway through anyway."_

"_True, I prefer to be on top and I hate acting helpless beneath you. It was still amusing to see how nervous you were." He teased, tickling me. I giggled like a little girl, rolling around on the bed._

"_Stop Damon!" I laughed, swatting his hands away._

_We played like this a little while before we both laid down next to each other, exhausted. He rolled over to face me, tucking some loose hairs behind my ear. _

"_You look tired." I observed. "Here, take another drink." Pulling down my shirt I exposed my neck once again, giving him a reassuring smile. _

"_Well if I'm going to take anymore of you you'll have to take some of me too." He cautioned, allowing me access to his own neck. Leaning in we bit into each other simultaneously, my favorite way for him to feed, both of us bound in a wonderful union filled with the ecstasy of my blood being drawn out and his personal essence filling my mouth and sliding down my throat. He hummed quietly as I sucked, when a strange noise filled my ears, loud and annoying. The image before me began to swirl away, become fuzzy while delirium took over._

"_Elena!" _

"_No…" I groaned, trying to hold on._

"Elena!"

"Go away." I sighed, throwing a pillow in the general direction of the voice.

"Oh no you don't!" I heard Bonnie warn, throwing the pillow back on top of my head. "Wake up Elena."

"Why?" I whined, turning over and closing my eyes again, trying to reenter the dream from which I had so recently awakened.

"Come on, up you go," Bonnie prompted, whipping the sheets and blankets off of me, exposing me to the chilly morning air. Why did Jenna always turn the thermostat down at night? I was shivering, groping for my covers, trying to regain some warmth so I could fall asleep again, see Damon's beautiful face again, but Bonnie reached over and shook me roughly until I finally complied, grumbling about her stupid rules about going to school.

Yes, Bonnie thought I should go to school, that it would get things back to normal. Why, I didn't know, for school was the last place I wanted to go, but she insisted rather vehemently, spewing some crap about how behind I was and how Matt really missed me when all she really wanted was to keep tabs on me. I should be thrilled at having such a caring and overprotective friend, but in all honesty I wanted to be left alone.

Thinking logically, this was a rather stupid wish considering Damon would probably pop in as soon as I was by myself. Remembering my dream, though, maybe I wanted him to come back. My cheeks flushed red at the memories and I followed Bonnie down to breakfast.

"So, what did you dream about last night?" Bonnie asked, giving me a slight smirk, nudging my leg beneath the table. We were both eating bagels with butter and jam, munching away and making pleasant morning talk, the last thing I truly wanted to be doing right now. Her knowing looks caused my face to turn an even deeper shade of crimson as I stared intently at my plate, hoping to avoid this conversation. Who knows what I said in my sleep!

"Why?" I asked her curiously, wondering what she had heard or seen to make her ask such a question.

"Oh no reason, just the few sensuous moans and the writhing on the ground part. Figured it was something interesting."

"Oh… yeah… that dream. Well, it was, um…" I didn't really know the right words to say to tell my best friend about the erotic dreams of Damon that surfaced whenever I wasn't with him, nestled in his arms through my slumber. Somehow I didn't think she'd quite understand.

"It's okay Elena. No reason to divulge your deepest secrets to me, but just to give you some consolation, I'm sure Stefan will be back soon to satisfy your, you know, urges." She burst into laughter, shaking hysterically in her chair. I couldn't help but crack a smile at this, oh Bonnie, you haven't the slightest idea of my deepest secrets and desires. It's a good thing her powers don't allow for mind reading, for I think she'd have a heart attack if she knew what I was actually thinking.

We both got ready for school in a matter of minutes, for we had overslept due to the late night and Bonnie had spent an extra five minutes trying to rouse me while I moaned unintelligibly about how good it felt. Yeah, not embarrassing at all…

…...

I was in a grumpy mood, looking at the school and how utterly normal everything was. After the past few days I was unsure of how to behave around everyone. I didn't want to have to worry about schoolwork and have Bonnie fuss over me, thinking I was traumatized or something. Caroline wouldn't even know what was going on and who knows how much Alaric knew. I was hoping nothing, for I really didn't want Damon to lose his only friend, and I was willing to bet that Ric would have trouble forgiving him for this one.

We arrived slightly late, mere moments before the bell, providing a welcome escape from Bonnie's constant supervision. I rushed into history and took my seat at the front of the class, face flushed from hurrying to make it in time.

"Well well well, it's sure nice of you to join us today Ms. Gilbert," Ric said sarcastically, commenting on my spotty attendance record. I felt a slight pang of jealousy when he called me Ms. Gilbert. That was Damon's name for me. Why this bothered me so much was strange but I just shrugged it off and gave him a quick wave, relieved that he seemed to know nothing of Damon's true activities over the past week.

The class was so boring that I almost fell asleep again, though I tried desperately not to let that happen in fear I would have another humiliating dream. Speaking of that dream… it was definitely weird. I found the thought of brandishing that power over Damon, though I had known we were just playing, rather disturbing and not appealing at all. When Damon broke free, however, that was extremely sexy and I replayed it over and over in my mind.

The real cause for analysis, though, was how I felt in the visions. I actually… loved Damon. Like, really loved him. And it felt good, felt right, more right than anything had felt in a really long time. I tried to remind myself it was just a dream, but now that my brain had finally let the feelings in, there was no pushing them back out.

The rest of the day I waited for my dark prince to show up, come to whisk me away once again, but he never came. I did not see him one time, and I spent a good part of my day staring out windows, waiting to see those bright eyes boring into my skull. I hated to admit it but I wanted him to come and felt oddly disappointed when he did not, no signs of him anywhere.

Had he truly forgotten me? Thought I wasn't worth his trouble? He was probably right on that account, so the rest of the day was spent in longing and misery, the confusion of love mixed with hate. Thinking about it, I realized that no part of me hated Stefan, while a large majority of me hated Damon. I also thought I loved Damon more. What did that mean? I couldn't deny I felt more passionately about Damon, whether that be in a negative way or a positive way, so did that mean that he was my better option?

Too much thinking. Just need my Damon.

…...

Four days passed in this manner. I was constantly on the lookout for a shock of raven hair, a spark of blue eyes, but I saw nothing, sending me spiraling into despondence and horniness. I needed him in more ways than one, for my peace of mind _and_ peace of body.

My own fingers were a poor substitute for Damon's feathery touches, his searching tongue, and his impressive dick. Touching myself to fantasies I had constructed about us seemed too creepy anyways and left me with only more unwelcome yearning and a weak orgasm that satisfied none of my sexual needs. Dammit I wanted him! In my bed! In me for God's sakes! I finally admitted it, so come back to me already! If he was trying to prove a point he had definitely succeeded.

I was in the library at this point, doing research for a science project I was working on with Bonnie. And something about the atmosphere shifted, turned darker and felt all wrong. Looking around me it seemed as if no one else had noticed, all the students working diligently. I glanced around uneasily before continuing my search, feeling as though someone was watching me.

Then I felt a delicious clench inside of me. It took me by surprise and I instinctually moved my hand to the crotch of my pants, rubbing in slow circles to ease some of the tension. What the hell was that? It happened again and my knees went weak. Shit, this was intense!

Then I remembered something: Damon telling me I would be able to sense his approach by this stupid bracelet, that I would feel him looming and… get sexually aroused. _That could only mean one thing_, I thought, taking a book off the shelf and peering around carefully. Where the book had been were two large aqua eyes and a small tuft of black hair barely visible. My breathing hitched.

"Boo."


	11. Chapter 11: Can't Take This

Can't Take This

_***After the long hiatus, hello again! Sorry I haven't posted in a while but with the end of the school year comes finals, AP tests, and lots of important track meets, so I've been pretty busy as of late. I definitely plan to update more regularly now that summer is upon us. This chapter took me forever to write because I haven't done anything for this story in so long I almost forgot how to do it! Therefore, this may be another disappointing installment, but oh well, I hope you enjoy anyway! If you like, please review!***_

"Boo."

My immediate reaction was to shove the book back in place and pretend this had not just happened. So that's exactly what I did. I felt it hit something hard, presumably his nose, and heard as he made some noise of shock or pain, which of the two I didn't know. Whatever the case I turned away and walked into a more populated part of the library, hyperventilating slightly.

This reaction might seem strange coming from someone who was hoping for nothing more than to see the very man she just walked away from, the man she just hit with a book trying to make a hasty escape. The problem was I hadn't counted on him showing up in my school for God's sakes, especially not in the library hiding behind a book. I had been expecting a nighttime visit to my home, making love passionately, and staying up talking about something deep and meaningful.

Don't ask why the hell I imagined this when it was _Damon_ I was talking about. In hindsight I realize the utter absurdity of my ideal scenario, that Damon didn't "make love" and he certainly wouldn't want to stay up and talk about deep and meaningful things after an intense bout of fucking, Because that's what Damon did: he fucked.

But this wasn't even the main reason I ran, although it was important. Keep in mind the perfect little reunion I had planned. Instead, I saw those brilliant cerulean eyes, rimmed in crimson, veins crawling down the cheeks, a hint of a fangs poking through the blood-red lips, sinister smile and all. That's when I knew: this was fucked up. The entire situation. Fucked up. I wanted this? This perpetual fear, this undeniable evil? That was Damon, and I was stupid to think that for some reason, if I admitted to liking him, maybe even loving him, that he would automatically turn into some sweet guy who didn't kill, didn't take pleasure in causing others pain. That he would turn into Stefan.

After seeing that malicious glint in his eyes, that playful taunting, that hellish anticipation, I knew that Damon was what he was, that I would have to live with that. And I knew I couldn't. I needed safety and security. Sure, playing this game with him had been fun while it lasted, but all games had to end sometime, and I knew it had to be soon if I ever wanted to disentangle myself from him. Therefore, I replaced the book to cover up that demonic yet angelic face, that section of my life.

Of course, I wasn't stupid enough to think that was the last I'd see of Damon, that he wouldn't continue pursuing me, I just had to think for a little while on my own feelings and wishes. Seeing those red eyes had scared me, alerted me to a lifestyle I didn't want, one sure to come if I decided to stay with Damon, one full of intense pain and pleasure, mingled so closely that the edges between the two were blurry, indistinguishable. I simultaneously craved and hated it, the attraction I felt to this twisted relationship actually frightening me in its power.

There were so many contradictions in all of this. Love and hate, pain and pleasure, attraction and repulsion, angels and demons, happiness and sadness, fear and desire, anguish and ecstasy, all were there despite being opposites of one another. What horrified me was that I wanted this. Well, at least part of me wanted this. The logical part knew it was overall a bad idea. Damon was a killer. I said I wanted him to turn into Stefan, but I knew that was false. I wanted Damon as he was, not as Stefan, hence why I fantasized about him rather than my so-called boyfriend, gentle, loving, and overall unexciting, not quite dangerous enough. Damon had plenty of danger, that was for sure, and excitement too. He always kept me guessing, but at the same time it was exhausting, being in a constant state of fear and hesitancy while around him, just waiting for him to snap. I liked the danger, but I didn't want all the pain and suffering that accompanied it, his utter disregard for the feelings of others including myself. Of course, I knew that somewhere deep within his black heart he felt _something_ for me, but he still took pleasure, actually took enjoyment in, hurting me, making me scream and cry. He liked it.

And I could never trust the man around people, especially not Bonnie. He'd kill her without a second thought, and he had already displayed how easily he could feed on and manipulate Caroline, how simple it would be for him to kill her too. I couldn't have that, couldn't put my friends and the entire town in danger by condoning Damon's psychotic behavior. I also was pretty sure Stefan would be back any day now, and I couldn't have him walking in at some inopportune moment when Damon and I were… intimate. That would definitely be the end of our relationship considering he was already jealous of his older brother, always suspecting he was getting to me, that we were becoming a little too close. And I had often laughed at his worries, assuring him that he was the only one I loved, that my friendship with Damon was only because it helped keep him in check and encouraged him not to kill too much of the Mystic Falls population. How humorous to think that Stefan was right all along, that his concerns were well placed.

Were Stefan and I even together anymore? I mean, I had slept with his brother, _his fucking brother_, for God's sakes. I felt myself falling under Damon's spell, thinking about him constantly while "Stefan" was pushed to the very back of my mind with other useless shit I had no interest in thinking about. I only thought about him when I was feeling guilty for what I did with Damon, when I was trying to convince myself that he was the better option, or when I was worrying about when he would return and what would happen when he did.

As I was thinking about all this I was subconsciously making my way back over to where Damon had been, as if I was drawn to him like a mosquito to light, my feet moving in a trance-like shuffle to that fateful bookcase, half hoping he would still be there and half hoping he'd be gone. Relief and pain flooded through me as I saw that he was indeed gone, though it left me feeling rather strange. Why would Damon come into my school library, scare the shit out of me, and then leave?

And that's when I saw the crinkled piece of paper on the floor, one single drop of red, glistening and rounded, raised off the paper in the most enticing way. It was Damon's blood of course; I knew that smell anywhere. Without even thinking I retrieved the paper and before even reading it brought the blood carefully up to my nose to inhale the delicious scent. God, I had missed this. To make this scene even more disturbing I released my tongue on the page, licking the droplet sensuously. Jesus, how could such a small sample taste so fucking good? It reminded me of our times together… on the floor… the ecstasy of that fluid sliding down my throat, sweet as honey yet so much more than that. The memories that tiny bead of blood brought back were, for school, rather… inappropriate to say the least. To reinforce these… inappropriate… thoughts, I felt a familiar heat gathering deep in my, well, you know where. All of this was taking place in the back of my school library, mind you!

Despite how wrong this was, the blood had made me slightly crazy and I forgot where I was, sliding down the bookshelf, still holding the damn letter up to my nose like a freak, inhaling all that was Damon. It was moments like these, in woozy hazes of yearning, that it seemed Damon and his dark mystique were all I really wanted. And in the manner of a true sexual deviant I stuck my hand down my jeans, slipping under the black lace panties I was wearing, swirling my nipple on the way down, plunging my finger into the wet heat that had already accumulated "down there". In general, I didn't see anything wrong with this practice. I mean, I did it all the time… _in private_. The problem was, I was still in school, in the very public and crowded library. To this day I still don't know what was going through my head when I made the decision to do this, except that nothing of logic was in there, my mind being consumed completely by thoughts of Damon.

I began to swirl my clit and was already so aroused that it didn't take long at all to reach that critical point where I knew that coming was inevitable and would happen any second. I was amazed that I had actually managed to successfully masturbate in my own school without being caught, and made that last decisive movement that sent me tumbling over the edge. It was definitely the most pleasurable and violent self-induced orgasm I had ever experienced, so when the vice principal walked over to my little shelf I didn't even notice, my hand still inserted in my own body, face twisted in some strange contortion that can only come from sex, back arched and head tipped against the wood, eyes rolled to the back of my head in sheer ecstasy. I can only imagine what the poor woman must've seen and can only guess at what her own face looked like as she witnessed these horrors being committed by one of the best students at the school. I got straight A's, never got in trouble, and now this. "Shocked" probably didn't even begin to cover what she felt.

Of course, upon opening my eyes, mortification was all I knew, my cheeks, already flushed from what had just occurred, turning an even brighter shade of red as I realized what I had just been caught doing. That's when I regained my head and saw how stupid I was to think I could get away with this in the _fucking school_. Then, to make matters worse, I uttered one single word, the only thing I could squeak out:

"Shit."

"Office. Now."

Yep. My life was officially over.

….

"Wait out here until he calls you in. And please, keep your hands where they belong."

I hung my head and wanted to disappear into a giant hole. Why did these bad things always seem to happen to me? Had I not served enough penance for my sins? Well, I guess my "fun" with Damon counted as more sinning, so I probably had a lifetime full of atonement. Get used to it.

And I still felt aroused, dammit! Since when had I become such a sex freak? This was all Damon's fault. What would Stefan think when he returned and I just wanted to fuck all the time? He'd probably be all "I don't want to hurt you by losing control, so let's keep it to once a month," or something like that.

"Come in."

Oh God. I couldn't believe I was about to walk into the principal's office to discuss the sexual acts I had performed on myself in the library. I had never even talked to the man before, not to mention about something as embarrassing as this! And I knew this gossip would spread like wildfire. I would be well-known throughout the school as "that girl who masturbated in the library".

My heart was beating so hard I was afraid I might break a rib, afraid the man behind the large oak desk could hear it, when I suddenly knew that he obviously could.

He was sitting in a plush leather chair, back facing me, with nicely mussed black hair and a tight black t-shirt clinging so sexily to the sinewy muscles of his back.

"Oh God, not you!"

"I'm sorry. You know I hate to disappoint." He said with that signature smirk, lips still a deep red from blood he had obviously taken from some unsuspecting student before visiting me. I turned around and began to walk out of the office, not ready to face _him_ again, when he was instantly in front of me, slamming the door and locking it, blocking my path to freedom.

"Come on Damon! I'm not in the mood." I said, trying to push past him as if I could move a vampire who was probably 50 times as strong as I was. Predictably, he didn't budge, only smiled.

"Now, now, Ms. Gilbert. Is that any way to treat the principal?"

"What did you do with him? You didn't kill him, did you?" I asked, surprised at how little I actually cared about what he did with the principal. I knew Damon was a killer, so it didn't affect me nearly as much anymore.

"Of course not! I merely compelled him and the vice principal too. You can thank me for that later, by the way. She doesn't remember a thing of what she saw. You're welcome."

"You orchestrated the whole thing, didn't you!" I accused, stepping closer to him in anger. "You made me feel that way, sent me those thoughts!"

"Good for you. A+! But you're only partly right, so don't go pointing fingers. I might've sent you some… erotic thoughts, but you took it much farther than I ever expected! I mean, who would've thought you'd go into some weird frenzy like that? You must want me pretty badly."

"If all you wanted was to get me in here alone, there were so many easier ways to do it. Why go to all the trouble?"

"Because it was so much fun to watch." He said, pointing to a screen that showed images from all the security cameras placed around the school. Of course, one must have been pointed right on my little nook. "The look on your face when you were caught was priceless!"

"Screw you, Damon."

"Ouch! Bullying is against school policy, you know. I think you need to be disciplined."

"Stay the fuck away from me." I warned, not feeling in a playful mood anymore. I was tired, humiliated, and pissed off. All the sexual and affectionate feelings from earlier had completely worn off.

"I mean it Elena. That was not a proper thing to be doing in school. Punishment is the only way to correct your behavior. Let's see what this little note says anyway." He grabbed the crumpled paper out of my pocket and studied it, reading his own writing on the page, writing I hadn't had the chance to read for myself yet.

"Ms. Gilbert – Watch your back. Don't forget I can and will find you no matter where you are, no matter when it is, no matter who you're with. I will take what I want, what is rightfully mine. With much love, Damon S."

"How sweet." I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"I thought so too. Glad you liked it. And I hope it got the message across. Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good." And he turned, with only a curt nod, to open the door and leave. Leave, I say, leave! With not so much as a goodbye kiss, he was ready to exit the room, not even stealing a backwards glance.

"You're leaving?" I asked, voice tinged with disbelief and a hint of desperation that I hated. The thing is, I truly wasn't in the mood for his antics, but at the same time, if he left, who knows when I'd see him again?

"What's it look like? Of course I'm leaving! I hate school. I only wanted to see my favorite student." He said with an overly sweet smile, coming back over to give me a quick peck on the forehead. "But thank you for reminding me; there's something I want to do before I leave."

I looked up at his mischievous face in hope, not sure what I was hoping for, only knowing it wasn't what happened next. His eyes turned crimson again, smiling that fang-y smile, full of undeniable anticipation and malice. There was really nowhere to hide from him in this enclosed space, so I just stood there, the yearning leaching out of my eyes, replaced with fear. Some sort of survival instinct kicked in at the last moment and I scrambled behind the desk as if this movement would save me, though it only took me further away from the door.

In an instant he was holding me by the shoulders, demonic face mere inches from my own, snarling like the predator he was.

"A little discipline to teach you a lesson about respecting your elders, Elena."

And with that he sank his fangs deep into my shoulder.

…

This was a surprisingly painful spot to be bitten, the bony shoulder. Not much cushioning to soften the blow, just pure agony, to be honest. I obviously knew Damon wasn't planning on making this enjoyable for me so I did my best to suffer in silence, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry. Again. Like I always did.

And so I kept silent, biting into my lip so hard that I drew blood there as well, causing Damon to lift his head off my shoulder in surprise. Being mid-feed, he was driven completely by instinct now and leaned in to lick the red drops from my swollen lips, moaning hot breath into my mouth, moist tongue sliding from chin to nose, capturing any and all hints of blood along the way. The feel of his eyelashes fluttering against my cheek, tongue on my face, and small growls and moans as he nipped and sucked his way across my neck and jaw caused me to lose a little control myself, turning my head slightly to kiss his face back, licking it as he was doing to mine.

For a few seconds he seemed to respond to my affections in that purely instinctual way, shifting to return my kisses and continue drinking blood in a more pleasurable fashion, though he was still biting down hard and painfully. This only caused me to kiss more roughly and passionately, biting at him too in the sake of stifling my own cries. As soon as my teeth hit his skin, however, he came to his senses and pulled back roughly, the small wound I created healing instantly while mine remained torn and bleeding, a small trace of him on my lips and teeth.

His eyes, previously cloudy in desire and blood, were now clear and irate, glaring down at me with unmistakable fury.

"Did I say you could touch me?" He demanded, face covered in my blood that seemed to have smeared everywhere, including the principal's desk.

"Well, you were –"

"Did I?" He asked again, pressing closer once more, a droplet of blood dangling off his nose, falling off only to plop right onto my bottom lip, which I promptly licked. Sadly, I didn't taste nearly as good as Damon.

"No." I said quietly, peeking up at him with a regretful pout, making my eyes as big and doe-like as possible. I figured trying to look cute was my best option at this point if I wanted to evade any more of Damon's wrath.

Upon seeing this, his face noticeably softened, ire leaving his features pure at last as he sighed and cupped my chin, stroking my cheeks and hair gently, perhaps even lovingly.

"Oh Elena.." He murmured, cradling my head and swaying ever slightly. " Oh Elena…"

And then a sharp smack, a strangled cry, one pent up from his previous assault, and I was sent hurtling into the sharp corner of the desk, hip jamming roughly into the wood, cutting into my leg harshly as I sank to the floor in disbelief.

"Wipe that look off your face. I don't take kindly to deception."

"I wasn't trying to –"

"Oh yes you were." He snarled, reaching down to press his thumb deep into my injured hip, bringing forth a guttural moan from my gasping lips. "And you're doing it again. Stop lying to me Elena."

"I'm sorry." Was all I managed to splutter before he released his thumb from the quickly blooming bruise coloring my pale skin.

"Of course you are. Now bow."

"W-what?" I asked, crumpled on the floor, wincing in pain as I struggled to move into a more comfortable position.

"You heard me. I want you to bow at my feet, put your hands behind your head, and kiss the floor I'm standing on." Damon smiled cruelly down at me, tapping his black boot impatiently. I just whimpered, all the tears I had been struggling to hold back pouring down my face in rivulets, cheeks reddening at the humiliation.

"Any day now." He said, nudging me with his foot so that I crawled into position, placing my hands on the back of my neck, leaning down slowly to put my lips to the floor.

It tasted awful, all the dirt and grime of school flooding my nose and mouth. But I did it. For Damon.

"Now apologize." He commanded firmly, a hint of amusement barely detectable behind his cold calculation. And I did what he said, the tears still falling.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I repeated after every kiss, placing them all around the boots, on top of the boots, on his ankles, everywhere, hoping for nothing more than his approval, however minimal it may be.

After a decent amount of time, meaning somewhere around 1-1 ½ minutes, although it felt more like hours to me, I felt hands grip my ponytail and yank upwards, drawing my entire body up with it, sending little shoots of pain through my scalp. I was brought face to face with Damon's icy blue gaze, still a faint crimson rimming the lids.

"Now say it like you mean it." He purred into my ear, licking it and sucking it like a graceful cat. A cat with fangs.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. And somehow I meant it. I was sorry, despite not really doing anything wrong. And almost as an afterthought, I pressed my lips to his ear too, returning his movements as I had done before, only this time I did it as an apology, silently begging him to forgive me.

We stood like that for a while, caressing the sides of each other's faces, all along the neck and up to the hair, me mimicking his kisses, licks, bites, and moans. He stroked my hip and I stroked his, he reached up under my shirt to slowly grasp a nipple, I did the same, fingers skimming the flat planes of his stomach and chest until reaching that little lump, squeezing and tugging, just as he did with me. I didn't think, merely felt, choosing not to dwell on all the hurt, opting for the pleasure, until we gradually parted, stepping back to gaze into each other's eyes affectionately.

"And I forgive you." Damon murmured, giving me a truly sweet smile. "You can kiss me now."

I didn't have to say anything back. I just did as he said and kissed him. But not only because it was what he wanted, but because it was what I wanted too.

It started out chaste and innocent, a press of the lips, not open, no tongue, just a brush. For some reason there was something utterly sensual about a brush, how pliant the plump lips were, how easily parted and flexible, how responsive, how they moved back only slightly to search for a little bit more, grasping to keep the other pair of lips connected for just a second longer. How heavenly this first joining was. And so I moved in again.

This time there was more urgency, more hot and heavy breath, a quick stroke of the tongue before we lost the connection once again, staring at each other briefly before both closing in for the final kill. Damon gripped the back of my head tightly, crushing me against him almost to the point of pain, but not quite, I embedding my hands in his coal black hair, so soft and touchable, forcing my way into his mouth with a furious thrust of my tongue, all the while not thinking about how this was wrong, about how I had only moments ago been crying at his apparent cruelty, only wanting the taste of him, the dancing of tongues together, a passionate waltz of pure feeling and emotion. Damon reciprocated, engaging me in the dance, pulling my hair back a little to tip my head upwards, allowing him to kiss even deeper, allowing his lips and teeth to tug on mine, allowing the graze of fangs without drawing blood or biting, only enough to send shivers down my spine, shivers of ecstasy and desire.

We could have stood like this for days, weeks, months, years. Time meant nothing. And when I finally opened my eyes, Damon was grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, heading for the door, preparing to leave, my arms still outstretched as if I was beckoning him to come back, never leave me, never leave this passionate embrace where all was love and adoration, no malice, no pain, but untainted happiness and elation. Please Damon, don't go, don't let it end. But all games have to end sometime.


	12. Chapter 12: Numb

**Numb**

_***Thank you all very much for the reviews and continued support. You guys are awesome! Hope you enjoy this chapter!***_

Time passed in a sort of stupor, as if Damon had cast a spell that made me incapable of functioning without him. It had been days since our encounter, and still there had been no signs of him. Okay, scratch that. There had been signs, but no actual face-to-face meetings, and that's what I really craved, to get caught in his hypnotic gaze and kiss him in that way that had punctuated our otherwise unfortunate meeting. Unfortunate because I had left with a terrible bruise and tear-stained cheeks, memories of completely submitting to him with no arguments, kissing the dirty school floor and his feet that stood on it. Just because he asked me to. Well, commanded me to, I suppose, but whatever. I still did it.

At some point during my little excursions with the one and only Damon Salvatore, I had promised myself that whatever he had me do, whatever stunts he pulled to hurt or humiliate me for his own enjoyment, I would fight back, do whatever was in my power to stop him, make him see reason, or at least show him that I would never surrender to his torture. But I did. I gave in and showed weakness out of fear and utter exhaustion, as well as some sick sort of admiration I held for him, for some reason doing all this "just to make him happy" despite how unhappy it made me. In hindsight I realized my folly, how wrapped around his finger I truly was, recalled how I had thought to disentangle myself from him before it was too late, understanding that now it might already be too late. Because I had engaged in that kiss, so completely passionate and loving, after he just so recently hurt me, and had been totally enthralled by it, by him. And when he left I had wanted him back. Him! The man who I hated! And of course I still did hate him.

But alas, part of me couldn't stop thinking about him and his goddamn eyes! I swear, he really must've cast a spell on me, because the look in those aqua orbs after he finally broke the kiss, that split second before he stalked out of the room, kept on replaying over and over and over again in my mind, that moment of… oh God, what was it? No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't put a finger on exactly what the look had been. And I was obsessing over it in his absence. I figured if I could just see him again, look into the eyes one more time, then I'd know what the fleeting emotion had been. I had no such luck, though, because I hadn't seen him since then and therefore spent much of my time just trying to pinpoint that… that… whatever it was that had happened after taking his lips off mine, which at the time had seemed an incredibly stupid thing to do. I had wanted that kiss to go on forever and ever. But end it had and with it came the infuriating glance of something I had never before seen taint Damon's usual cocky demeanor. I was frustrated.

On the other hand, I had realized something else: Bonnie was not going to quit pestering me about what she called "the incident". She was constantly on the lookout for the elusive vampire with the black hair, almost always by my side in case he decided to show. Figures she wasn't there when I _really_ needed her assistance. Or maybe that's why Damon chose then to pop in for a visit, because Bonnie had forgotten me for a few moments. Of course, she probably hadn't expected him to choose the school library of all places, but still, Damon had only come when her back was turned. But then she had seen the bruise on my hip. And all hell broke loose**.**

…

"Hey Elena?" Bonnie asked in the locker room while we were changing out of our gym clothes. Gym was our last class of the day and the bell had already rung, leaving just me and Bonnie alone in the smelly room as everyone else got ready to go home. Bonnie had taken to either spending the night at my house or insisting I sleep at hers, keeping us together and me "protected" at all times. Well, mostly at all times. There was the occasional slip-up where I was blessedly left alone. (see the library/principal's office disaster)

"Yeah Bonnie?" I replied, shoving my dirty clothes in my bag and reaching for the clean ones, saying it in that sickly sweet voice that hinted to the extent of my annoyance. It was very high, in case you couldn't tell, and Bonnie didn't need her witchy powers to deduce that much. Her antics were tiresome and left me no time to myself, like, at all! I was a rather solitary person by nature and preferred to spend at least a few hours alone in my room per day, but no such luck for me. It really did seem that my life was a perpetual purgatory, where no matter what the situation was I felt miserable. Maybe I needed a new perspective on life because I wanted Damon, and then I didn't want Damon and I wanted Bonnie, and then I didn't want Bonnie. Yeah, this probably stemmed from my personal outlook and pessimism, not that Damon was a psychopathic bastard who tormented me for kicks and Bonnie was an overprotective bitch who kept me from seeing said psychopathic bastard. Jesus I was fucked up.

"What the hell is that?" She demanded, glaring daggers at me as if _I_ had done something wrong. I seriously couldn't take much more of this.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I snapped, just plain not in the mood.

"That." She all but snarled, pointing angrily at the deep purple bruise situated directly in her line of vision, right on my lower hip. Oh crap, this was not good. If Bonnie knew that was from Damon, she'd flip out and wouldn't stop until she found him and killed him. And let's just say his death would not be pleasant. I remembered all too clearly her previous threat: _If he ever lays a finger on you again, I swear to god I will kill him._ And that had been uttered after she had already had time to cool off. In the heat of fresh anger, who knows how serious her reaction would be!

To put things in perspective, I was actually worried about Damon's well-being. Not Bonnie's, Damon's. Before I had been worried that if she tried anything on him _he_ would kill _her_, but if she figured this one out, I had no doubt the roles would be reversed. And Damon was pretty damn strong. I rarely if ever was concerned about his safety, actually secretly hoping he might get hurt just a little bit so that he learned a lesson. This would be straight up death. And with a healthy dose of torture on the side. Think, Elena, think! You are a good liar! No I'm not. I saw right through that lie, anyway**. **

"I'm only going to ask you one more time, Elena. What the _fuck_ is on your leg?"

"Oh, shut up! Stop trying to be my mother, okay? God, can't anyone have some privacy around here!"

"Well, the fact that you won't answer me is just proving my hypothesis right!" She countered, grabbing my arm to keep me from leaving.

"Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong, okay? So leave me alone and stop scrutinizing my body. It's kind of creepy." I said, trying to insult her so she'd just get angry and quit talking to me. This strategy had actually worked several times these past few days, not that I was proud of hurting my friend or anything…

"Fair deal. I'll stop scrutinizing your body if you stop evading my questions. And don't try to lie Elena, because you suck at lying and it'll just make me more upset than I already am." She warned me like I cared how upset she was. I just cared how much of that anger she'd take out on Damon. No matter how much I hated him, I loved him too, even if it was in some weird, twisted way that only _my_ convoluted mind could justify. Love was love, one way or another. And sure, I loved Bonnie too, but as of late I pretty much hated her. And it's not like she was in danger of dying right now! That was the immensely powerful vampire roaming the forests and stalking me, virtually undetectable and indestructible. I mean, it's not like Bonnie, the frail little witch who was running on pure adrenaline at the moment, adrenaline that was sure to make her hasty and unprepared, was at any risk for death at all! At least, such was my fucked up logic.

"I just fell. No biggie." I shrugged, somehow thinking there was a possibility she would accept this excuse and move on.

"Fell, hmm?" She asked with arched brows. "Elena, I've been with you practically every second of every day. And you haven't fallen."

"Practically is the key word here. I fell while I was in the library the other day." At this point I felt there was nothing she could say to refute my statement. She hadn't accompanied me to the library, meaning that nothing could be proven. Maybe I _could_ catch a lucky break.

"You expect me to believe you merely fell in the library and got that giant bruise on your hip? That's it?" She said accusingly, making it obvious she didn't believe a word that dropped out of my mouth. But as I said, there was no proof one way or the other, so I was sticking with it.

"Well, yes, actually." I said, throwing on my T-shirt and jeans and heading for the door, hoping to make a hasty escape. The sooner we got out of here and off this topic, the better**.**

"You know I don't believe you, right?" Bonnie asked as if this made some sort of difference. It didn't.

"Yep."

"So what's the truth?"

"I just told you."

"But you're lying."

"Prove it."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"So I've been told."

And that's where the conversation ended. Bonnie just shook her head and threw her hands up in the air with this exasperated look on her face, causing me to roll my eyes and glare out the window as she drove us home. Yes, she was driving me around now like a child. But what really pissed me off was how she acted like this was some big burden to her, as if the task of "watching Elena" was such a chore. What the hell?! I didn't ask you to do this! In fact, I've asked you how many times now to just leave me alone, to forget about Damon, to stay the fuck out of my life? And yet here you sit, pretending I'm a problem that needs tending to. At this point I really just wanted Stefan to get back so that Bonnie would feel free to leave me alone.

But what was really shitty about the entire situation was the guilt. I always felt guilty whenever I was mad at Bonnie because she was such a damn good friend! Too fucking good! For me, anyway. And I was being a bitch to her, as usual, and all that did was make me feel like complete crap. Some friend I was. Maybe I should apologize… but I was still angry. Oh God, which would win, the devil or the angel? It was so tempting to hold the grudge… oh, what the hell.

"I'm sorry Bonnie for being such a bitch these past few days. I've just been feeling really stressed out lately… so… yeah, sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I'm used to it." Bonnie said, adding a "Joking, joking" after I gave her my death glare. "C'mon, let's turn on some music and forget about all this, have some fun before you go into bitch mode again." I grinned and flipped on the stereo, both of us singing and dancing along to the music, allowing me to momentarily forget my fucked up life and all of the problems that came with it *cough* Damon! *cough*. Life could be okay for a while

.…

The next few seconds were all a blur, happening so fast I couldn't even register what the hell was going on. Yet simultaneously they were the slowest seconds of my life, moving in slow-motion as I looked on in horror, helpless to stop what fate had in store. And I thought I'd caught a lucky break. What a laugh**.**

"Bonnie!" Was all I managed to squeal out before our car erupted into a cacophony of maniacal, unintelligible screams and screeching brakes. I felt a jolt, heard the cracking and breaking of glass, and then a whirlwind took over as our car flipped over and over, my head and body parts flailing all over the place as I searched for some nonexistent stability, anything to hold on to in order to keep myself steady. But there was nothing, except for Bonnie and the empty screams echoing throughout the interior, and who the hell knew what Bonnie was experiencing over there. I was lost.

All I could feel was some vague pain and wetness, a dull throbbing and dizziness as something warm dripped down my body. Somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized it as blood, but all common sense and thought had flown at the window as soon as it cracked open sending little shards of glass flying at me from all angles. I was hovering on the edge of unconsciousness and managed to look over at Bonnie, who had her eyes closed and didn't show any signs of life that I could detect. I struggled to stay awake, a fear nagging at the back of my head warning me not to close my eyes, to remain awake lest I never wake up again. But all I wanted was the blissful blackness. And so I surrendered myself to the dark

.…

There was something symbolic about that act, surrendering to the dark. In a way I was giving my final surrender to Damon, saying "you win," in a sense. Because giving in to darkness will eventually and inevitably kill a being of light such as myself. I wasn't cut out for darkness, but was irresistibly drawn to it and eager for it, taking great pleasure in its murky confines, reveling in it while I could. All with the knowledge that it would be my undoing, of course. I believe I said earlier that all games had to end sometime, and that if I didn't disentangle myself from Damon soon it would be too late. And it was too late. And so the game did end and I permanently tangled myself in Damon, in his pitch black hair made of silk.

And it was Heaven and Hell all mixed in one, just as it should be, just as it was when I was with him.

…

It was odd to be thinking and feeling during death. Or maybe after death, for all I saw was blackness and all I heard was myself. I relived the moment that car hit us, watching like an outsider and thinking of all the things I could've done, should've done, watching as Bonnie's head snapped back and pinpointing the exact moment her eyes closed and she fell into unconsciousness. Or maybe she was dead too, and just as alone right now as I was. Perhaps there was a way to call to her. But I couldn't find my voice.

I hoped and prayed to the blackness and myself that Bonnie wasn't dead, that she would wake up and open her eyes and live the happy, long, prosperous life she was meant to live. And then I began to suffocate and freak out, go into some sort of posthumous panic, a nervous breakdown of sorts, in which I realized with stunning clarity that I would never know, that the knowledge of Bonnie's fate would elude me for a long and lonely eternity. Because all I could see was blackness. All I knew was this blank nothingness. My last thought was that the darkness wasn't really all it was cracked up to be**.**

…

I was sobbing, wailing uncontrollably, screaming, pounding, tearing at my flesh and hair like a madwoman. Except I didn't have tears, or even eyes, for that matter, and I definitely didn't have flesh, hair, or anything solid and material to pound on. I had had a lot of time to debate with myself about where I was and what I was, and decided this was death and I was a soul, spirit, ghost, energy, whatever one wished to call it. I was essence of Elena.

I had already cried for myself, cried for the insanity of it all, for the unforgiving blackness I was entrapped in, supposedly for the rest of my existence. I had cried just to cry and cried because I was scared. Now I cried for them. Because I'd never see them again, never know what became of them. I had always been told death was a place you went to watch over those you cared about until the end of their lives, and then you all watched over your progeny together, just watching Earth whenever you felt like it and other times relaxing in a burning brightness where the worries and toils of the mortal world could no longer affect you. And now I knew this to be lies, all of it, lies, and for this I cried. I needed to see what happened to my beloved Matt, poor naïve Caroline, best teacher/vampire hunter Mr. Saltzman, a.k.a. Ric, loving Aunt Jenna, beautiful baby brother Jeremy, best friend Bonnie, and… oh God… Stefan, my wonderful, heartbreakingly lovely Stefan, with a heart of gold and a capacity for love that surpassed almost any other being I knew. The last name I couldn't even think for fear of dying again. I didn't know if dying twice was possible, but I wasn't about to test that theory. If I so much as let it slip in, that face, that name, my careful constructions of sanity would come tumbling down and the whirlwind would return. The thought of not seeing him again, of not kissing him again or running my hands through his hair again, or not seeing that smile, the true smile, not the arrogant smirk, ever again, was too much to bear. Oh Damon.

…

Damon

Eyes

Blueandaquaandceruleanandtealandazureandskyandocea n

Lips

Taste

Want

Faceinsleep

Angel

Facewithblood

Devil

Can'tthink

Weak

Notalone

…

I wasn't alone. Because things became bright again, a glorious whiteness blotting out what was the never ending blackness. And I knew I had been transported to Heaven because I wasn't alone. Not anymore.

There he was, seated before me in all his glory: an angel. I knew it was an angel because of the white light surrounding it. It's head was in its hands and its elbows were resting on its knees, hair flopping down and all around like the angel just didn't care anymore to fix it, was too frazzled or tired to even try. And when it looked up at me, looked me right in the eyes, that's when I really knew.

I knew because the eyes were too amazing to behold on any natural human being. They were hypnotic and vibrant, gleaming and shining like nothing I had ever seen, and the blue of the iris was so intense that I felt faint just from staring, or maybe gazing is more appropriate, into their depths. The only possible flaw, though I found it only heightened the beauty, was the red rims and slight puffiness of the lower lids, how wet beads of water dangled on the precariously long lashes, threatening to fall to the ground below, or whatever passed for the ground here in Heaven, because this is where I must be. This type of beauty wasn't possible on Earth.

The angel, however lovely, was that tragic beauty that made one want to ball their eyes out, caused a sweeping sadness to fill the body and mind. It was depressing to look at but impossible to look away from. And so I stared at the hollow cheeks, perhaps a little too gaunt, as if from lack of sleep and food, and the long and graceful neck, curved up to stare at me through tear-filled eyes, for this angel had quite obviously been crying. But it was smiling. A true smile. One I saw rarely but that filled me with a warm and fuzzy feeling, so welcomed after the cold dankness of the dark. Not a smirk but a smile.

"Are you an angel?" I asked through the haze still clogging my mind, trying to sit up. But instantly the creature was at my side, easing me back down onto the bed and smoothing my hair out with gentle strokes, caressing my cheek and letting a few teardrops fall onto the smooth skin of my face. He leaned down and brushed his trembling lips against mine, soft and plush, allowing them to explore the contours of my entire face, from my cheeks to my nose to my forehead to my neck and jaw, even up to my ear.

"No darling." He finally sighed, speaking into my hair as he did, letting those lips move against my head. "I'm – "

"Damon."

…...

And so I was alive. Thank god. And I saw Damon. Hallelujah.

But in the end, my true mission was accomplished. I looked deep into his eyes, studying them and trying to remember exactly what it had been, exactly what it was now. And I knew. The mystery had been solved. The look he gave that moment before leaving me in the principal's office, that emotion I hadn't been able to put my finger on, the single second I had been obsessing over for days now, I had cracked it.

Love**.**


	13. Chapter 13: Unstable

Unstable

_***Thanks for the great reviews! I'm finding this story increasingly difficult to write because I'm not sure what direction I want to go with it, but I will continue to attempt to keep updates fairly regular. Elena's really starting to piss me off because she just can't make up her mind about Damon so I think I'm just going to have her make a clear decision pretty soon about whether she loves him or not and whether she's still in love with Stefan. Her morals keep getting in the way and it's tiresome! Nevertheless, read and (hopefully) enjoy! And review, of course :)***_

After the initial shock of finding out I was alive wore off, I immediately confronted Damon with a barrage of questions regarding what had happened, for I couldn't remember a thing. During my dark period I had recalled with perfect clarity the events that had led to my current position, but waking had thrust giant black holes where those memories had previously haunted me. Therefore, I needed all the facts I could get.

"Where am I?" I asked, confused by all the glaring lights and sterile whiteness of my surroundings. It was rather disorienting considering I had just emerged from complete and utter blackness. Damon was still placing quick kisses on my body, keeping his head hidden all the while, when I really wanted to just study his beautiful eyes some more. I wanted to verify that they were indeed filled with love, or at least the kind of pure love that had tainted them the other day as well as directly after my awakening. I was fairly positive, but I wanted to see it again to be sure.

Instead he refused to look at me, leaving only his black hair to my vision, which was fine because it was as artfully tousled as always, perhaps more wild today due to his anxiety, but I had suffered through hell! I deserved to see that face of his!

I grabbed a tuft of the thick black mess in my hand and pulled upward, making him look at me, unfortunately forcing his lips to break contact with my skin, the only downside of such a movement. And that's when I realized why he had been avoiding my gaze, what the wetness on my body that I had presumed to be saliva actually was. He was crying. And it was more than just a few teardrops this time.

To be honest, I had only seen Damon cry maybe twice in all the time I had known him, and even then he had tried to hide it from me as if he couldn't bear to show weakness, though I didn't find crying to be a weakness, merely a display of emotion, which I assume he didn't want to show either. So I didn't understand as he ripped his head out of my grip and looked away, closing his eyes and biting his lips in the most adorable way. It made him look like a little boy, or maybe a puppy dog, which of the two I wasn't sure. Whatever the case, despite being the victim, the one in need of comfort, I started to stroke his cheek, comforting him instead.

After a few long sighs he opened his eyes and turned back to me, the tears gone, though the evidence was still trickling down his cheeks and hanging off his jaw precariously. There was a hardness to the red-rimmed eyes that I hadn't expected and whatever bits of love I had so recently witnessed were gone now as he stared at me. Now don't get me wrong, his face wasn't angry or cold, it just wasn't the heartbreaking adoration that I had expected to remain. He still smiled back at me and informed me that I was in the hospital. Duh.

He still placed a chaste kiss on my lips and told me how worried he had been, how I had been in a coma for three days due to head trauma. Apparently there had been bleeding in my brain, but he was relieved that I seemed to be generally unharmed aside from external injuries. I wondered if he should call a nurse or someone seeing as I had just woken from a coma, but decided I wanted to be in here with just Damon anyway, so there was no need to push the issue unless I started to lose consciousness again or experience a seizure or something. And then it hit me.

"Bonnie!" I cried, clutching at his shoulders and shaking him, begging him to say anything except that she had passed away, was no longer with us, or some other euphemism for the fact that my best friend was dead.

"Alive and well. She's been conscious this entire time and was discharged yesterday. She just left, actually." He said calmly, a hint of a smile playing around his lips as I heaved a giant sigh of relief. Thank god. But then even more confusion set in.

"Bonnie's okay with you being here?" I asked incredulously. There was no way she had let Damon sit in my room with me! It was impossible. I mean, the last time I had talked to her I had been afraid she would kill him!

"Well, she kind of owes me." He said, the smirk turning into a full-fledged smile as I shot him a questioning look. What did she owe him for? He had hurt me. She hated him. What was I missing in all this? "I did save both of your sorry asses, you know." Damon taunted lightly, laughing a little at my shocked expression.

"You saved us?"

"Well, she might've lived had I not shown up but," his face visibly darkened after saying this and he let out a large rush of breath before proceeding, as if trying to shake a particularly gruesome image from his mind. "You might not have made it. I arrived after sensing something was wrong, your bracelet sending quite the jolt through me, and I saw the scene. It was awful and the paramedics weren't there yet. Your heart stopped beating, Elena, so I started shoving blood down your throat. Eventually it started up again and that's when the ambulance arrived, forcing me to retreat a little to pull Bonnie from the car. She was just unconscious but the car had been on fire, so I saved her from that I suppose. Nevertheless, I proved it's not just my brother who has a knack for saving you from automobile accidents."

"Damon I… I guess I don't know what to say. Thank you." I said, truly unsure of how to repay him. Or maybe this was him repaying me. You could never be too sure with Damon…

"All I get is a pathetic "thank you"? I think I deserve something a little more… enjoyable." He smirked playfully, pulling me into a gentle yet passionate kiss, worrying my lower lip with his blunt human teeth first, before replacing the teeth with his tongue, running it along the outer edge lightly, and I could feel the smile against my mouth. It was strangely comforting, this kiss, and so I parted my lips for him, allowing a barely audible moan to escape as he finally engulfed my entire mouth with his lips, moving them against me dominantly while I tried to match his quickened pace, both of us moving together messily, mouths closing around lips and nipping, tugging, licking, whatever felt right.

It was nice to not have to worry about him getting angry or hurting me considering I was already in the hospital and had just returned from the dead, so I doubted he would try anything of the violent nature right now. I could merely sit and enjoy the melding of our mouths as he crawled over to straddle me, knees on either side of my hips, hands up by my head as he deepened our embrace, making sure not to put too much weight on me.

When my lips were sufficiently red and swollen and I was all but gasping for breath he gave my mouth a break and moved to my neck, biting and sucking on a particularly soft spot behind my ear, causing a little groan and flutter in my stomach. I clutched at his back, holding on for dear life. I was still woozy and was starting to feel some real pain, but the kisses were a happy distraction as I pushed the discomfort out of my mind. Why did my pleasure with Damon always have to be accompanied by pain, even when he was trying really hard to be sweet?

He then moved to my ear, licking all the way up it before letting his hot breath ghost over the trail he had left.

"Don't ever worry me like that again Elena." He whispered, or maybe moaned, I'm not sure. It was really too bad we were in a hospital and I was significantly injured because now would have been a good time for sex, when he was being gentle and nice. Life wasn't fair.

"Thanks." I whispered, a slight groan of pain slipping through my lips. I wished it didn't because I wanted this moment to go on forever and I knew if Damon thought I was hurting that he would call for someone.

Right on cue he pulled off of me, sliding his body away and brushing the hair out of my face with concern. "Are you okay?" He questioned. "I'll go get a nurse or someone."

"Wait! Don't leave me Damon, I-I need you." I reached out to hold onto his arm, looking at him with pleading eyes. "Can't you just give me some blood and heal me?"

"You know I can't do that. How will I explain that to the doctors, how all of your bruises and lacerations just disappeared in a span of thirty minutes? I won't be gone long, I promise." He assured me, giving my forehead a lingering kiss before leaving the room.

He was gone for longer than I expected and I sighed, glancing at the clock. Where was he? I wanted my Damon back, especially when he was in such a good mood. It was rare that I wasn't afraid of him snapping and lashing out at me, so I cherished these moments, hoping he stayed like this for as long as possible before morphing back into the possessive controlling Damon I so loved to hate. That Damon was confusing. At least this one I could say I loved with no hesitation or reluctance.

I absentmindedly moved to fiddle with the bracelet on my wrist, the one that had supposedly saved my life, when all I felt was bare skin. Looking down in a panic I realized it was gone. It must have been destroyed in the crash. For some reason this made me sad. I mean, that had been Damon's blood, meaning a part of him was with me at all times, even when he had been avoiding me. It also prepared me for any surprise visits.

But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.

….

To make the longest seconds of my life short, Stefan walked in. Fucking Stefan. So many emotions flitted through my mind at that moment that I don't even have the patience to relay them all here, so suffice it to say I didn't know what to feel. Overwhelmed, I guess, is the best way to describe it. Whatever my face was betraying it seemed that it was not what Stefan had hoped to see, but he didn't really care, coming straight to my side and pulling me into a tender hug, sobbing quietly into my hair. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Damon, face decidedly more pale than when I last saw him and eyes emotionless, blank. There was no sadness, no anger, no happiness, jealousy, nothing. This was worse than his wrath because it made me feel guilty as if I was in the wrong here, as if I had hurt him in some deep way that made him turn completely numb, as if he hadn't been the aggressor, the one hurting me. And this made me feel bad too so I buried my face further in Stefan's forest of brown hair and cried some more.

I didn't really think about how Damon would take this crying into Stefan's shoulder, knowing myself that it was him I was crying for. I was distressed. My boyfriend had returned to interrupt this special night with my violent and abusive lover. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. Damon was supposed to say he loved me and really mean it, not in some creepy psycho way but in a sweet and romantic way. I would blush and give him a quick kiss before saying I loved him too. Then we would engage in more passionate making out and touching. No sex due to our location, but he would sleep on the bed next to me and I would cuddle into his side, draping myself over him as he held me and kissed my head, saying everything was going to be alright. But no. Stefan ruined it.

On the other hand, I hadn't seen Stefan in weeks and I really had missed him immensely. I loved and cared about him a lot and was glad to see him home safe and sound, curled up in my arms. It felt good to hold him, to have him holding me, yet I still yearned for that other, slightly stronger pair that belonged to a certain ebony-haired man who was watching this display of affection with casual indifference. I knew he cared and that his brother's return upset him, being that he'd have to hand over his favorite little toy, but Stefan was security and safety. That's what I needed right now. I needed Stefan, and Damon seemed to know this. And it hurt. Especially considering I had just asked him to stay with me because I needed _him_ so much.

I heard a throat being cleared and Stefan stood up, backing away to let a nurse administer some more pain medication and check to make sure everything was okay. She said I appeared to be fine for now and that tomorrow I would have a more official meeting with my doctor. I would probably need to spend a few more days in here, but then I would get to go home.

Where was my home now? I guess I'd go back to living at my house without Bonnie, seeing as Stefan was back, so Damon wouldn't dare try anything now. I pushed the part of me that was saddened by this away and watched as the nurse left, leaving me alone with Stefan, who was gazing at me with such love and adoration clouding his eyes that I couldn't help but melt inside. He would do anything for me, I realized, something I didn't know if I could say for Damon yet.

"Thank you Damon. For everything." I heard Stefan say with real gratitude, oblivious to what had occurred in his absence. Damon looked him straight in the eye and nodded before stalking out of the room, not even giving me a second glance. It was as if I didn't exist. He seemed angry, but what did he expect? That I would confess everything to Stefan and say that I chose Damon over him? He couldn't have truly thought that…

Stefan turned back to me and collapsed into bed. He petted my arms, cuddling closer, but not in an intrusive fashion, more in a sweet way, just wanting to be close to me. The atmosphere was so different than it was when I was with Damon, though I couldn't quite put a finger on it.

It was definitely more relaxed, a certain intensity missing, and the lust was not nearly as strong. With Damon the air crackled like electricity was flowing through it and I felt attracted to his body as if by a magnet. Stefan was like a boulder that I could lean on and he would always be there, comfortable and unchanging, stable.

I did feel slightly uncomfortable now though, with the knowledge that I had slept with his brother secretly, that he had no idea of all this. Part of me wanted to tell him and get it off my chest, but he'd just look at me like I was disgusting or get angry. Even worse, he might console me and just get mad at Damon. I didn't want to lose my boulder just yet, so I merely leaned over and placed a light kiss on his cheek before descending into a much needed sleep.

….

I didn't see Damon for the few days they kept me in the hospital, running all sorts of tests and making sure everything was perfect before sending me home. Stefan was there through all of it, however, and we were hardly ever separated.

Bonnie came to visit multiple times, apologizing profusely for her reckless driving, although the wreck wasn't even her fault. The other vehicle had ran a red light. Granted, we shouldn't have been dancing around to music, but it was still not technically our fault. She asked me all sorts of questions about what it was like to be in a coma, and wondered if that was what it was like to be on the "other side". She wanted to know if I'd seen or heard anyone and I shook my head, knowing she was hoping I'd say something about her Grams. I didn't voice this aloud, but I couldn't help but think that if I was to hear anyone, it wouldn't have been her. Not that I didn't love Bonnie's grandmother, it was just that we had never been really close friends or anything.

She told me that she was on okay terms with Damon now, that in saving us he had removed himself from her hit list, though he would never be forgiven. When I started to defend him she silenced me, saying she was glad Stefan was back but didn't want to know the details of our twisted relationship as long as it was over, which I assured her it was. The witch truly believed Stefan was the only one for me. Hell, maybe I even believed it a little too. Delusions, of course, but I didn't know that at the time, hoping to put the past behind me and rekindle a fragile friendship with the impulsive vampire while forging a new and closer bond with his younger brother. I thought everything could return to normal.

But Damon had changed me in irreparable ways, made me feel things I could never forget. I was broken and confused now without him, despite my ignorance of it. I was naïve in thinking that he hadn't permanently fucked up my head, in thinking that I was safe and everything was as it should be now. Because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get those blue eyes out of my mind. I could forget other things, but the eyes never left.

….

Weeks, days, it didn't matter how long it had been since I left the hospital. Everything had a gray tinge to it and I wasn't getting any sleep, so I didn't realize as my head fell into my plate of syrup, effectively covering me with the sticky substance. Eww.

Stefan had made me pancakes, which I must say had nothing on Damon's, and it was making me grumpy because my plan wasn't working. After avoiding me for a while, I guess Damon decided that was no fun and was now making a point to make me uncomfortable, sending me flirty little glances and brushing against me purposely, smirking when I stiffened in obvious pleasure, a shudder running through me. He kept making innuendos and references about our time together, jokingly of course, but all while Stefan was in the room, causing me to look over and make sure he didn't think anything of it. He didn't. But that didn't do anything to ease my mind.

All of this taunting and teasing was getting to me because I fucking wanted him! And Stefan wasn't doing anything to satisfy my libido except for innocent kisses and touches, nothing remotely sexual at all. It was infuriating. But it was slightly easier this way, telling myself I only wanted Damon for the sex and nothing else, that I certainly wasn't in love with the guy or anything. How ludicrous. But believable, so I went with it.

I obviously wasn't planning on cheating on Stefan while he was here, though, so I kept my urges to myself, doing my best to ignore Damon, despite that being next to impossible because I rarely if ever stopped thinking about him. Just for sex. I had to remind myself often.

Nevertheless, the old spark I felt with Stefan was gone. Boulders were boring and I was bored, which wasn't doing anything for my mood. It was increasingly hard to pretend his kisses meant anything to me and it was difficult to act excited upon seeing him. He was more like a friend than a boyfriend at this point, and that also infuriated me. Why couldn't he be more like Damon?

Wait. A. Second.

Did I just say –? No. Stefan be more like Damon? How many times had I said the opposite, told Damon he should be more like Stefan? Too many to count, I think. Why, oh why, did he have to fuck me up so bad? Jesus I needed him.

"Oh god Elena! Your hair!" Stefan gasped, walking over to tenderly lift my head out of my plate. But I wanted it there! I was not a child, I could take care of myself. If I wanted a syrupy head then so be it!

I think something was seriously wrong with me because I reacted in a way that shocked us both I think, especially Stefan. I gave him one long glare before chucking the plate at him. Like, kind of hard. There was a moment of utter disbelief as I watched it shatter and cut him. The yelp of pain that left his lips is what made this all the more real and I had to bite back laughter at how crazy this scenario was. I seriously just threw a glass plate at my boyfriend for trying to help me. And I hurt him! The amount of blood was actually kind of scary until the wounds healed up, which only took about five seconds, but it was still enough time for me to catch the look of horror in his eyes and realize that I was actually snickering a bit.

When the fact that I was laughing at him registered I stood up abruptly, knocking over the chair, and sprinted to my house so I could contemplate what an idiot I was. Or what a psycho I was. Either one. In my defense, as I have previously stated, I was pretty fucked up at this point. I couldn't help but replay over and over in my mind the look on his face, that incredulous and pained expression as he stared at me as if he didn't even recognize me anymore. Like I wasn't his Elena anymore.

I knew exactly what he was thinking though: What happened to this bitch while I was gone? She's fucking insane! Taking pleasure in hurting me, what the hell? She's turning into fucking –

"I guess you're a little more like me than you thought, hmm?" Damon asked sweetly, lounging on my bed like he lived here. I was crying a little by now and still wasn't thinking straight, so I just fell on top of him and nestled my face into his neck, inhaling his wonderful scent. He was so fucking perfect.

"Damon, what's wrong with me?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing. You're tired, angry, frustrated, normal things."

"But I hurt him. I never wanted to hurt anybody." I said, putting my head on his chest so that I could gaze into his face. And once again the thought of his perfection passed through my mind.

"You hurt me." He replied, as if this made everything okay, as if now he and Stefan were even.

"But you hurt me too." I said, defending myself. All Stefan had done was love me. He didn't deserve anything. Damon deserved a hell of a lot more than a little heartbreak, or whatever he was experiencing. But I deserved to suffer even more.

"Touché. Nothing to be ashamed of though. Your eruption was to be expected considering all the feelings you've been keeping bottled inside trying to be the good little girl you were before he left. You wanted to make him happy, didn't you? Be little straight-laced Elena for our saintly Stefan." He asked, stroking my hair soothingly. I just nodded, crying harder.

"I've been bad, haven't I?" I asked in a squeaky voice, like I was five years old again.

"Yes. You can't make him happy like this. But you can make me happy, and in doing so atone for your… bad deeds. Then you can be pure for our little angel, Stefan. How does that sound?" Damon asked in that sickeningly sweet voice I knew all too well. And strangely his words made sense. I wanted what he could give, needed it, by some delusion thought it would work. It was what I deserved.

I think it was the guilt. I couldn't stand to be around Stefan because I felt guilty about what Damon and I had done, how I felt about him. Because somewhere along this path to Hell my feelings had gotten warped and confused and I needed it now, no matter how much I didn't want it, feared it, hated it. The last thing I wanted was this. But it was the only way.

Or so I thought at that moment in time. Thinking back I realize Damon was manipulating me and probably concocted the entire scheme, had somehow made me hurt Stefan, knowing I would come running home upset and out of my mind. Then he would convince me this was right and necessary, that he was helping me by doing this, knowing I would believe him because I wanted to. Therefore, he would win. And I would help him. I played right into his hand.

"Punish me, Damon. Please." I whispered, tears streaming down my face. He just smirked and a fire lit up his placid eyes.

And that's how I got back in the cycle, even after Stefan saved me. No matter what I did I couldn't escape Damon and he knew it. I think I loved him. In a weird way, different from how I loved Stefan. And I knew he loved me, although it was back to the old twisted love. Somewhere deep down he cared about me, but right now he wanted me back and had me wrapped around his long and slender finger.

Stefan belonged to me, was mine. But me? I was Damon's. All Damon's.


	14. Chapter 14: Not Alone

Not Alone

_***Sorry for the wait. Can't say I've been busy, just lazy I guess. Nevertheless, here it is! Please read, enjoy, and leave a review! Thank you***_

"Umm… no."

"Come again?"

"No." He gave me a pat on the leg, a quick smile and kiss to my forehead before getting up to leave. This was not how things were supposed to go.

"So you don't do it when I'm willing? The game's not as fun then?" I asked, a little perturbed by his reaction. He was hell-bent on torturing me it seemed, whether he was granting me pain or denying me it.

"I don't do it when you're my brother's girlfriend. I'm not some whore here at your disposal. That's just not how I roll sweetheart. I take what I want when I want it and you're mine, so until you start acting like it I'm not gonna cater to your apparent needs. See you when I see you." And with that he opened the door to my room, but once again I stopped him from leaving, grabbing his wrist in my hand and tugging, as if that would be any help against his superior strength. It _did_ make him hesitate, though, giving me ample opportunity to proceed with my new plan, formulated in approximately two seconds.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you for anything. I am yours, as you say, so tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll be at _your_ disposal." I reached down for the button on his jeans, undoing it slowly, a sexy smirk unfurling on my face. Confidence Elena, be confident. He can't resist your charms. "Whatever you want…" I trailed off, licking my lips and glancing up shyly as I began to sink down onto my knees, kissing around the waistband of his pants, tugging them down with my teeth. I peeked up at him while doing this, catching him staring down at me with a slightly amused expression on his face. And it was pretty hot. That's when I realized I actually did want to do this, that it wasn't a game to me. I wanted to go down on Damon, and I wanted him to like it.

I gripped his exposed thighs, kissing them lightly as I pushed his boxers up for greater access to the pale skin, suckling on it gently. I then moved my teeth to the annoying fabric, wanting to get rid of that which was hiding the object of my ministrations: Damon's dick, when I felt a familiar sharp heat flash across my cheek, a feeling that was becoming too damn normal for my liking, so much so that it wasn't even a surprise anymore. Damon had slapped me. What's new?

"What I want is for you to break up with Stefan, not suck me off." He said, seeming somewhat disgusted and angry, pulling his pants back up so that they sat dangerously low on his hips, not even bothering to button them. "Until then, don't try to contact me again."

"Wait! Damon, hold up." But it was too late. The door was open and he was leaving, revealing a confused looking Stefan on the other side, just standing there with a strange expression on his face somewhere between anger and sadness. Shit.

"Stefan! What a surprise!" Damon said happily, pulling his brother into a giant hug, grinning like they hadn't seen each other in years. Stefan didn't return the hug, merely stood there stiffly, glancing uneasily at Damon's jeans, unbuttoned, and then turning his gaze to my horrorstruck face, lips moistened and eyes teary. This might go down in history as the worst day of my life besides the one where I was first held hostage by Damon. And that was saying something.

"Well I'll leave you two to talk it out then. See you at home brother." He flashed Stefan another toothy smile and wink, ignoring me completely, and left me standing there looking anywhere but Stefan's face. I wasn't ready for that heartbreak yet.

"How long were you standing there?" I asked sheepishly, desperately needing to break the silence. All I could hope for was that he had just gotten there when Damon had been leaving, the betrayal in his eyes and hard line of his mouth based on assumptions instead of concrete evidence. There was a slim chance maybe…

"Almost the whole time. I followed you home because I was worried about you and, well, Damon was here instead." He said, voice catching a little as he said his brother's name.

Oh god, not like this! I was prepared to break up with him, yeah, but never in a million years did I want the circumstances to be like this. I felt like such a slut, and I guess it was true. I really fucked this one up, didn't I? I deserved it, getting involved with Damon. Never a good idea. But once I fell for him there was no going back, and now I had to deal with the effects of my selfishness in leading Stefan on.

"Oh." Was all I managed to eke out, despite knowing he deserved an explanation. But then again, how was I supposed to tell him this all came about? Your brother threw himself upon me, abused me physically and mentally, and somehow I came out in love with him? For some reason I didn't think he'd take too well to my account of the things Damon had done to me, and the entire situation would probably end with one dead brother.

"Yeah… care to tell me what's going on here that I'm missing?" Stefan asked, moving a step closer to me, an angry frown forming at the edges of his perfect lips. God, he was still beautiful and lovely and more than I could ever hope for, but he just wasn't… Damon. He wasn't Damon. "I heard what you were doing to him. I heard what you said. You said you were his."

"That would be true. I am kind of his now. Sorry that you had to find out like this." I said, kicking at imaginary dirt for lack of anything better to do. I couldn't look at Stefan so the ground was the next best option.

"His? What the hell does that mean? You don't belong to him, Elena." Stefan said, now looking a little concerned. Crap, how to explain this situation…

"Umm… I don't really know how to explain this Stefan. All I know is that I really do love him, okay? I figured that out while you were gone and now I need to let you go. I'm sorry, I still love you too, but it's just something different with Damon. You understand, right?"

"No. I don't understand anything. How do I leave for a few weeks and come back to a completely different Elena who is suddenly in love with my brother? You were about to give him a blowjob for god's sake! And he is the one who pushed you away because you were still technically my girlfriend! Please tell me you haven't fucked him yet. Please." He said, sending me this weary look as if he already knew the answer. This was worse than I thought. If he cried, I swear to god…

"I can't explain it either, Stefan. My feelings make no sense to me." That was actually the truth. There was no rational reason for me to love Damon, yet it was the reality. "And honestly, we've fucked several times. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner but I wasn't sure about any of it and I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to admit my love for Damon but now it's too evident to suppress. Sorry you had to hear what you did and that this all happened."

"Shit, well, that's… I didn't think… Jesus Christ, Elena. I should go." He said, shaking a little as he exited, leaving me no time to further explain myself. Apparently he'd heard enough for now, and had left without even crying or yelling, which made me feel like an even worse person. I was awful.

Why was Damon everything Stefan wasn't and Stefan everything Damon wasn't? They were polar opposites and yet I somehow came to the conclusion that the evil one was my true love and hurt the one who had been nothing but wonderful to me since we had met, saving me countless times and loving me through all of my bitchy moments and all of my breakdowns. Heck, I bet he still loved me now, despite all of the shit I just put him through.

Speak of the devil…

….

"Shhh. It's okay, you did the right thing." A soft voice whispered, warm hands hugging me tightly to a strong chest, letting me soak their shirt with tears. It was a loving gesture, an affectionate one, something I never would have expected from Damon of all people. He was rubbing my back soothingly, whispering reassuring words in my ear and kissing my hair like a good boyfriend, something that Damon just wasn't. At least, not before now anyway. It was weird, but comforting, exactly what I needed right now.

"I'm a horrible person." I sobbed. God I was pathetic, crying like an idiot when Stefan was the one who should be really hurt. Why was I all sad and distraught?

"No you're not, you're good for ending it with him. Breakups happen all the time Elena, it's completely normal. He'll recover soon enough, don't worry." Damon just kept crooning these sweet words in my ear, telling me everything would be okay in the end and that Stefan was just hurt for now, that we'd go back to being best friends soon enough. Yeah, right.

"I shouldn't have slept with you though." I cried. "I was lying and cheating the whole time and he caught me! It wasn't fair to him to do what we did while he was gone. He _should_ hate me. I hate me."

"It's not your fault, I made you most of the time. I did this on purpose and you know it, so stop blaming yourself. And he doesn't hate you, he loves you. Yeah, he's slightly confused and upset, but he just needs some time. Now stop crying and eat something please."

I realized that he was right, considering I had been unable to finish the pancakes Stefan made me and hadn't eaten anything else all day. I had been here crying for two hours now. How time flies when you're… feeling sad? Whatever, my stomach _was_ growling and I knew exactly what I wanted.

"Sorry for crying so much." I said, wiping away my tears and taking a deep breath, struggling to repress the sobs that wanted to escape my quivering lips. I managed to hold them in by staring at Damon's face, studying its perfection, looking at the man I loved. Wow, it felt good to say that. The man I loved. "You're right, it is your fault. Therefore, can you make me your pancakes to make it up to me?" I asked in a childish voice, tucking a few stray hairs behind my ear in an innocent gesture that made me seem completely helpless and irresistible. 'Cause I'm good like that.

"Didn't you just eat those with Stefan?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, lips quirking up at the edges as he tried to stifle a smile.

"Yes, but I didn't finish them. And, well, yours are better." I muttered, blushing furiously. Suddenly I found myself slightly nervous around Damon, fidgety like some little girl with a crush just because I had finally fully admitted my feelings to myself, giving myself to him totally. Before I had always had Stefan as a backup, an excuse, but now he was gone and I was left with untainted love. It was kind of weird.

"Okay. Whatever you say princess." He said, the smile taking over his face as he deposited a chaste kiss on my forehead, looking a little nervous himself. Did he just blush too? But before I could decide one way or another he was gone, headed to the kitchen to cook. Jesus, since when did I get these warm fuzzy feelings when he touched me, this quickening of my heart that wasn't from fear or anger?

I headed to the bathroom to get a quick shower, feeling rather disgusting with syrup and tears matting my hair, and took about ten minutes to just stand under the warm water, lathering my body with soap and letting the steam do its job to relax me. I loved showers and definitely needed some time to think. Or not to think.

After wringing my hair of as much water as possible I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, not really caring that I looked like complete shit. Somehow I felt that Damon wouldn't mind.

The smell of cooked pancakes wafted up the stairs and drew me down before I even applied any makeup, sending me walking into the kitchen like a zombie, completely entranced by the sight of Damon at the stove with an apron on flipping my delicious breakfast/lunch/whatever meal this was. He looked pretty hot doing it, which was sadly more than I could say for myself. I was a terrible cook.

He turned around and flashed me a smile, sliding the cakes onto a plate, dousing them in the required amount of syrup before handing them to me, brushing our fingers together during the exchange, causing the most inexplicable feeling to run through me. And I knew exactly what it meant.

Without taking my eyes off of his I set the plate down on the table carefully (didn't want to break any more plates today. Bad luck.) and presented him with a kiss on the lips, probably the most slow and meaningful one we had yet to exchange. There was something different about it when compared to our others, something more passionate yet more gentle, lacking the vicious hunger and burning lust, instead a smoldering desire and building tension, a love that had always been absent. That was when the fireworks came, the inevitable spark, and I couldn't help but think that this should have been our first kiss, that this was how it was always supposed to be. I think we both felt it, actually.

I'm not sure how long this moment lasted, though it could never be long enough for me, being I was afraid if we separated the magic would be lost forever, for how could something like this even exist? To this date that kiss was the most surreal experience of my life.

But break it did, eventually culminating in a mutual agreement to pull away, looking deeply into each other's eyes as if this was the first time we had ever really seen each other.

"Your pancakes are going to get cold." He finally murmured, seeming as confused as I was about what had just transpired.

"You're probably right…" I said reluctantly, turning away for the briefest of seconds before saying "Oh, fuck it" and throwing myself upon him, locking our lips again only with slightly more force this time, stroking his tongue with my own and running my fingers through his hair, still a little wet from all of my tears (yes, I really did cry that much).

I wrapped my legs around his waist and hugged myself close, feeling the flat planes of his body shift under me, muscles tensing and relaxing as he turned us around so that I was the one trapped between him and the counter.

It was so different this time as he shed his shirt and subsequently removed mine from my body as well, moving us again so that I was laying across the table and he was hovering over me, trailing his lips all down my body as I writhed and moaned beneath him, arching my back to meet his chest and stomach, loving the firmness I was met with. It was different because it wasn't hard or violent or angry but gentle and compassionate.

We were making love.

…

Somehow Damon had moved us both back up to the bedroom to rest, the pancakes now cold and forgotten, both of us completely exhausted. I was cuddled into his side, his arm draped over my waist, one of my hands on his chest and the other running absentmindedly through his hair, and we laid like that for a while, taking comfort in each other's presence. This all just felt _right_.

I thought back to our recent rendezvous in the kitchen, how his thrusts hadn't hurt so bad I thought I might puke, how it was all pure pleasure without my head slamming into the table or his fangs piercing my neck sharply. He had bitten me of course, but only by my invitation, as I craned my neck and gave him an encouraging smile, pressing his mouth to the large vein myself.

I couldn't help but smile as I replayed the entire thing in my head, wondering how this was possible. I couldn't let myself forget who Damon was, that he was still the vampire who hurt me multiple times and wouldn't hesitate to hurt me again if the need or desire arose. I knew this, and I was willing to live with it for the sake of moments like these. Because I loved him dammit!

I shifted slightly so I could look up at his face, peaceful with a lazy grin that was barely detectable as he gazed down at me affectionately. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what was behind this newfound serenity, why he had so suddenly taken me with love and not just plain lust.

"I heard what you told Stefan." He murmured softly as if reading my mind, playing with the tips of my hair.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, seriously confused. What had I told Stefan that would make him so seemingly happy?

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! I won't make you say it again until you're ready, but it's nice to know anyway." Damon replied, looking at me like I really should know what he was talking about. To be honest, I couldn't remember half of what I said to Stefan. I had been so upset that most of the conversation was blocked from my memory.

"I really don't know Damon. Tell me, please?" I begged, giving my best puppy dog eyes. He just laughed and ruffled my hair like I was the cutest thing in the world, before a blush overtook his cheeks and he looked away in something I would classify as embarrassment, though he would never admit to being embarrassed.

"You said you loved me." He mumbled in a voice that was barely audible for a human such as myself. But as soon as I registered what he said I realized the impact of what he'd heard. I couldn't remember ever telling him I loved him before, at least not with so much truth in that context, so I understood that he must be feeling rather invigorated right now. I still remember when Stefan said he loved me for the first time, how my heart felt like it might burst. I was glad I was able to affect Damon in a similar way.

"Well I do. I love you Damon." I said truthfully, watching carefully for his reaction. He just gave a small wistful grin and reached out hesitantly to stroke my cheek.

"I love you too Elena. No matter what I do I will always love you."

I knew he was referring to earlier incidents that had inevitably resulted in my crying, trying to escape, and attempting to kill him, and I knew he was speaking the truth. He really did love me, and I really did love him, that one emotion surviving through all of our turmoil.

I pressed a close-lipped kiss to his mouth, lingering perhaps a little longer than necessary as I inhaled all that was Damon, remembering not too long ago when I was laying Stefan's bed and trying to inhale his essence. Funny how life can change course so quickly.

"If you want us to be together, though, we're going to have to set some ground rules." And it was not going to be easy.


	15. Chapter 15: Tears Don't Fall

Tears Don't Fall

_***A long wait, I know, but it's finally here! I do intend on finishing this story, and probably pretty soon, so don't give up yet! Hopefully you enjoy this chapter and I can update a little quicker next time. And Bonnie's a real bitch in this chapter. Don't know why, just be prepared.***_

"So, ground rules, hmm?" Damon said the next morning, handing me a steaming cup of coffee with a smile, leaning with his elbows on the counter in an extremely attractive manner. Last night had mostly been spent cuddling, kissing, and making small talk, always being sure to avoid the more sensitive issues. It was actually really weird to be with Damon like this, doing normal couple things, not being in a constant state of fear or consuming lust.

"Well, just some obvious things," I started, biting into an apple. "I'm not going to be in an abusive relationship, so no hitting or physical harming unless I give you permission. No emotional abuse either. That's really about it for me."

Chancing a look at Damon, his beautiful lips were twisted into an unhappy frown and his eyes were cast down as if deep in thought. I had thought my terms were pretty reasonable. Very reasonable, in fact. Did he think I was going to continue to let him hurt and control me? I swear to god, if he actually had problems with this I was going to flip out…

"I guess I can try." He said hesitantly, making a face that looked like I had just asked him to give up human blood.

"Is it really that hard?" I snapped, glaring at his wandering eyes, looking everywhere but at me. "Am I really that bad, so deserving of your punishment?"

He finally met my gaze, smirking a little.

"Elena, you are one of the most stubborn, infuriating, disobedient people I know. And I love you for that. But it also causes me to… react, usually in ways I later regret." He sat back a little, looking as if he wanted to say more but was unsure of how exactly to continue, or whether he even wanted to in the first place. Interested, I motioned for him to keep talking.

I had never really received any insight into Damon's past, or an explanation as to why he had these "reactions". I knew there had to be a reason, some catalyst that started this vicious cycle, even pondering it myself on occasion, but I had never come up with anything plausible, thinking it best to wait until I could ask or he told me voluntarily.

"As you well know, when I was still human Katherine Pierce came into my life as well as my brother's life. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and I was instantly smitten with her, trying my very best to win her over. She flirted with me shamelessly, of course, and I went out of my way to please her, being the gentleman that I was at the time. I felt extra pressure to cater to her every need because of the attention she was bestowing on Stefan as well, which filled me with jealousy. We were competitive by nature, and I took this competition to the next level, desperate to win her.

I was an extremely passionate man, you can imagine, so when I fell in love, I fell hard. She became my world, my everything, the only other item of importance being my brother, and he was my competition then, making our relationship strained at times. When she first kissed me was when it really happened, when I was suddenly convinced she was my soul mate and we were meant to be. Her being a vampire only became a small obstacle that I didn't find to be very important, such was the extent of my delusions. She had complete and utter control over me, able to make me do things I wouldn't ordinarily do. Stefan was compelled, but my brainwashing was of an utterly different form, although it was still there. I was acting entirely out of character, helping her lure prey and ultimately condoning her killing and participating in it myself. I wanted her to turn me so we could spend eternity together.

Imagine my surprise when I found out she had turned Stefan too. It felt like a betrayal, and now she was stuck in a tomb, also Stefan's doing in my mind. There originated my hate for him, as well as my heartbreak at having lost my one and only love. I spent all my years as a vampire searching for ways to get her out and avenging her "death" by torturing my brother. Even when she was gone I was under her power.

And then there was you. You looked exactly like her, so much so that at first I thought you _were_ her. Of course, you acted nothing like her, more like the polar opposite of everything she was. Only sometimes could I detect hints of her within you. What made me angry was how much better than her you were. Elena, you were the good version of Katherine, the perfect version. And Stefan had you too. I hated that I wanted you, that I was starting to fall for you when I had waited so long for Katherine. I wanted you now, more than her. But I couldn't have you, and so I needed Katherine more than ever before.

When I found out she wasn't in the tomb I was… terribly heartbroken, to say the least. I had spent my entire life waiting for her, devoted to saving her, loving her, and she didn't even need saving. The worst was that she knew what I was doing and knew where I was, and she didn't care. I had never felt such pain before.

And so I turned to you. You were Katherine except better! If I could have you then everything would be okay. I would finally win against Stefan and I could be happy again. Sadly, through my years of vampirism I had forgotten what love even was, or how to feel it. What I had for Katherine was an obsession, not love, and I had never let myself feel that emotion for fear of being hurt again. I couldn't let myself be captivated by anyone again as I had been with Katherine, because I was sure they would just hurt me as she had. I thought love was impossible, and there was only power. Therefore, I compelled most of my relationships, and even in those I didn't, I viewed my partner as an object, something to be owned and controlled. I needed to have the power in my relationships just like Katherine had control in ours.

I was scared when I realized I was falling in love with you, so I decided I had to have you right then. I took you by force when you weren't compliant, just like I would any of my other pets, but I kept falling further in love with you until I couldn't deny it anymore. I truly loved you, so much more than I had ever loved Katherine, and I didn't _want_ to hurt you anymore. I wanted to be with you for real, have you love me back, be in a normal relationship. I was finally letting myself feel that forbidden emotion again. And I do love you Elena, I really do.

But you have to see that I'm selfish, an inherently bad person. It's hard to control myself and I can't make any promises on my behavior, only that I'll try. For you I'll try. But this is who I am, Elena, and I can't just change myself on a whim. I can't be something I'm not."

At the end of his long speech we just sat there staring at each other for a while, his face showing a range of emotions from sadness to hopefulness. I wasn't really sure what to say to that, whether to comfort him, say I love him too, or to just let him sort things out on his own and drop the matter entirely. So we just sat, him seeming to be waiting for some response on my part, me trying to think of the appropriate one.

"Thanks for being honest, Damon." Is what I decided on. Very creative, I know. He seemed to accept it, however, and gave a small smile before coming over to plant a light kiss on my forehead, pulling me into an affectionate hug.

"Well, sorry for holding you up. Now you'll be in a rush, but don't worry, I drive fast." He said with a wink, turning to wash some dishes. Hmm, Damon washing dishes, something I thought I'd never see. But his words puzzled me. What the hell was he talking about?

"What are you talking about, Damon? Where are we going?"

"_We_ aren't going anywhere. _You_ are going to school. I'll drive you, of course." He smirked, almost as if he knew exactly what my reaction would be, which he probably did.

"School? Today? I don't think so." I said with a little laugh. I was _not_ in the mood today, and what could one more day hurt? I'd already missed so much, I doubted a little longer would make much of a difference.

"Well I do think so. You're going." Damon said, the smirk slipping off his face and turning into a serious gaze, meaning he meant business.

"But Damon, I don't want to! I'm just going to take today off and I'll go back tomorrow. Deal?" Perhaps negotiating would work.

"No deal. Today." Perhaps not.

"You aren't my mother! I can make my own decisions, you know." I said defiantly, which seemed to be the wrong thing to say considering we had just had a long discussion about how stubborn I was and how he liked to have control. The look in his eyes was also another telltale sign.

He took a deep breath, visibly shaking a little, as if trying to control himself. This soon after our little conversation and he was already struggling not to lash out at me. This could potentially be a problem. When he finally looked up, the look on his face was not the one I expected, seeing as I thought I would see anger, annoyance, anything other than pleading and hopefulness.

"Please don't argue with me. Just go to fucking school for a day. One day." He actually looked a little like a pouting child when he said this. I knew better, however, sure that if I refused things wouldn't end well.

"Okay." Was all I said as I hurried out of the room to take a shower because Damon was right: if I didn't hurry I'd be late.

…

About halfway through I heard someone join me under the water, assumedly Damon, and wrap their arms around my body, burying their face in my neck and placing a few light kisses there. Turning around I was met with a large smile and another quick peck on the lips, blue eyes shining as brightly as ever. Any irritation left over from the kitchen incident seemed to have disappeared as he ran his hands through my hair, scrubbing out the conditioner gently.

We didn't say anything the entire time, merely enjoying each other's company and sensual touches without me trying to escape or verbally abuse him while he refrained from physically abusing me. It was rather nice, surprisingly.

He helped me pick out my outfit, which may have been a little revealing for my taste, but Damon could be pretty persuasive when he wanted to be, and he really did drive me, perhaps a little too fast for my taste as well, but I trusted his vampire reflexes to save us if we had another Bonnie situation on our hands.

To be honest, I was a little nervous to see my witchy friend. When she saw me riding in with Damon she was sure to ask questions, and I was planning on telling the truth. If I tried to lie to her about breaking up with Stefan for his less respectable brother she would end up finding out through some other method and being even more upset, so best to get it over with today. Her reaction would be… interesting to say the least. Knowing what she knew, she would probably try to blame Damon at first, assume he had forced me into this, and it would be pretty hard to convince her otherwise.

If I did eventually manage to get her to believe me, she would then think I was crazy, and either reject me as a friend or commit me to a mental institution. Which was the more appealing option was up for debate.

I wouldn't really blame her for such a reaction considering I would probably do the same thing. Bonnie had saved me from Damon once before and now I was choosing to go back to him, and that would most likely be pretty confusing for her. But as I said, better to get it over with as soon as possible than get caught up in lies.

I loved Damon. I should be proud of that, right?

"Elena? We're here." He said in a slightly amused voice, raising his eyebrows at me to indicate we were sitting in the parking lot, and probably had been for some time.

"Oh. Right. Well, I guess I'll see you later." I said, blushing a little as I made to exit the car, not failing to notice Bonnie, Caroline, and about half the student body staring at us, glancing between Damon and I as if putting together the pieces of a puzzle.

I was almost completely outside before I felt a hand grip my wrist and pull me back in the car, cool lips silencing my protests, and seriously, who could protest a kiss from Damon? The only downside was the rather large audience awaiting me, but all was forgotten in these few seconds before he released me.

"Now that's a proper goodbye." He whispered huskily into my ear.

Stumbling out after that was pretty embarrassing, seeing as Damon's kisses were extremely intoxicating and it took me a while to regain my balance completely, all but stumbling over to my shocked friends, who were looking at me with a mix of accusatory glares and concerned frowns.

After a few seconds of extremely awkward and uncomfortable silence all I could venture was a meek "hi" that came out sounding more like a question than a friendly greeting. Way to make yourself sound guilty, Elena.

"Hi?" Bonnie mimicked. "That's all you have to say is 'hi'?"

"Am I supposed to say something else?" I asked innocently, playing dumb for the time being, all of a sudden not ready to explain what was going on between Damon and I. Now all I wanted was to lie, though the incriminating evidence of a kiss made that nearly impossible.

"Oh I don't know, maybe tell us what the hell is going on with you and Damon and what time I'm scheduled to kill him today?" Bonnie said harshly, taking a threatening step forward.

"He didn't do anything wrong, Bonnie, so you can stop with the whole overprotective friend act. I want this." I pled, hoping she'd understand, maybe give me a weird look, but ultimately let this pass with no complaints. Nothing wrong with optimism, eh?

"And what is 'this' exactly?" She questioned, placing her hands on her hips.

"I broke up with Stefan." Was my stellar explanation that definitely sounded way better in my head. All it earned me with Bonnie was a raised eyebrow.

"That much seemed pretty obvious."

"I broke up with Stefan so I could date Damon." I clarified. And let's just say this got me way more than a raised eyebrow.

"You what?" Bonnie asked incredulously. "Oh no Elena. Please, I beg of you, don't fall for his traps. He's threatened you, hasn't he? He made you do this! I swear to god I'm gonna –"

"I told you he didn't do anything wrong, just fucking listen for one second! I love him, Bonnie. I'm in love with him and Stefan caught me trying to seduce him. I was the villain. Damon wouldn't even do anything with me until I broke up with Stefan because he knew how guilty I'd feel and how much it would hurt his brother. He did the right thing and waited for me. I was selfish and was forced to finally fess up to my feelings for him by breaking up with his brother to be with the person I loved. Damon. That's what happened, and I'm so happy it did. This is what I want and he is who I want, so now I can finally relax and be honest with myself. I don't have to pretend anymore."

"Honest with yourself." She scoffed. "Please, be my guest and see the truth for once: he's using you. He's using you for sex and whatever else his greedy heart desires. He doesn't care about you one bit and you fell for it. Do yourself a favor and end it before he hurts you any worse than he already has, Elena, because I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces when you fall apart. Damon doesn't 'love', all he does is take what he wants and he's finally won the ultimate prize: you. You'll be lucky if you even come out of this alive."

By this point I had tears streaming down my face, her words hitting a little too close to home. What if she was right? Of course not, Damon loved me! I could see it in his eyes! But then again, he was always a very good liar, and even if he wasn't lying, he could grow bored with me in an instant. I was just an average human, and he went through at least five of those a week! I could be just another distraction for him, one to be discarded when the time came.

Or worse yet, what if he planned on forcing me into vampirism! The last thing I wanted right now was to become some immortal monster of the night, but if my human self was eventually too unexciting for him he might just turn me so that I could be of better use to him.

No. Damon loved me, and loved me for who I was.

"You're wrong!" I choked out, giving Bonnie my best glare, which under these circumstances was probably more comical than menacing.

"Whatever. Be pathetic. Just don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart and leaves you bleeding on the side of the road." She sneered, stalking away.

"Fuck you Bonnie Bennett!" I screamed at her retreating back, making quite the scene as she continued to walk away while giving me the finger. What a bitchy friend.

Still sobbing, I turned to go the restroom, hoping to maybe salvage some of my makeup even though I knew it was a completely lost cause.

I still couldn't seem to shake her words from my mind, some pesky part of my brain telling me I should end it now, that it'd be best to do so before I got too hurt, which was inevitable. I shoved these thoughts away as soon as they came, though, knowing they were stupid and I was just letting Bonnie get to me. The last thing I wanted to do was end it when it started so recently.

Because of all my deep thinking, it took me a while to realize there was a hand rubbing my back comfortingly as I cried my eyes out, a tissue dabbing at my tears, and a voice cooing softly that everything was fine.

"You're okay, Elena. Don't listen to her, she's just trying to protect you. I believed you." The gentle voice soothed.

"Thanks Caroline." I managed to spit out through the onslaught of tears and hiccups. At least I had one friend who supported me. And Damon. I had Caroline and Damon. The two people who seemed to hate each other most.


End file.
